that kind of week...

or two really...

so it's only tuesday, and i feel as though i've run a week long marathon with no sleep.
you know those days, weeks, months, times in general when every little thing goes wrong, and though after the first few things happen you shouldn't be surprised anymore, but still get extremely pissed and frustrated when they continue to snowball? that's where i'm at right now. i have bashed my knees, toes and now my thumb multiple times within the past few hours, and it's the most infuriating pain! i just want to scream curses and throw shit when it happens, but that would be irrational, and if i give it time, the pain passes. being tired reduces what little patience i already have.

i should be putting laundry away right now. after all that's what i came in here to do. i haven't put laundry away in two or three weeks. i just wash stuff, fold and put it in the laundry baskets, and then riffle through it when i need something. not the most efficient, nor organized of methods, that's for sure.

alright, well, since i'm as tired as i am, i think i'm going to take advantage of not having to get up early tomorrow and go ahead and hit the sack.

night all...
=e

learning to let go...

so...i'm still in a mood. or perhaps i'm just in yet another one...dunno.

i was telling donna at work today that i was exhausted though i hadn't done anything, and just felt myself getting into a bad mood...well that bad mood has landed. luckily it stayed at bay long enough for me to go to dinner with jamie and have me some raw fish yumminess. but then i got home and it just triggered. i'm hoping it passes soon. we'll see.

i've got a lot of shit on my mind right now, and i think that's why i've been so damn tired lately. when i can't get my brain to settle down, i have a hard time concentrating on things, and it all adds up. i've had to take sleeping aides every night this week, and i'm sure that's not helping.

then there's the issue of my great uncle who is at home slowly dying. he had a tumor between his large and small intestine, and after having emergency surgery to remove it, both of his intestines shut down completely and never came back online. he hasn't been able to intake food in at least 9 days now, so it's basically a waiting game at this point. they discharged him from the hospital on saturday and allowed him to go home with hospice care since there was nothing more they could do for him, and it would help to cut down on hospital costs. i dunno. blah.

on the up-side, i did a couple of really fun things with the kiddos at work. one was a game we totally thought was going to be lame and that they would hate, but ended up they all loved it. the other was a blind free drawing exercise that they were all a bit skeptical about, but i enjoyed a whole lot.

so, yeah...there was some positive in there. it hasn't been a bad week honestly, i think i'm just ready for it to be over though. right now my biggest worry is that the girl i work with on saturdays will still be sick and won't be able to come in to work on saturday. aside from the fact that i really enjoy seeing her and hanging out with her during that time, it's a very stressful job when i have to shut down both labs and the studio by myself. -sigh- i shouldn't stress over what i can't change and have no control over though.

there's some song playing on my pandora list right now called "summer's end" by 2002. it's extremely peaceful and i'm digging it. it's all instrumental with some choir stuff in it. very nice.

okay, well i have some homework that i should probably go take a look at so i'm not stressing trying to get it all done tomorrow night.

till the next time...

=e

bunch 'o' ramblings...

i'm in a mood...
i have been since sometime yesterday, and i'm not sure where it came from. it's one of those "fuck it all" moods. i'm thinking it's probably just because i'm tired from being sick all week, and i haven't fully recovered yet, so i'm still in that mid-way state. i dunno.

i've been behind on my homework all week, and that sucks majorly. at the same time, however, i don't really feel like catching up on it. i look at it and think, "man, i really just don't want to fuck with this right now." but then i remember that this is my last semester, and if i can just stick with it i'll have my associates degree at the end of it all. something about spring semesters just get me all outta whack or something.

i keep poking at the bruise on my arm from where they drew blood at the doctor's office last week. it doesn't really hurt anymore, but every now and then it twinges. not sure why i shared that, but there ya go. buy yourself something pretty.

i did get to have sushi tonight, which made me very happy. rob took me to umeko, and i must say, it was quite yummy. though, not something has my tummy feeling woozy, and i don't know if it's the fish, or the fact that i took a darvocet last night and aren't taking one tonight. i'm guessing it's probably the latter of the two.

okay, well i'm off to study for my geology test that i have to take tomorrow. rocks suck, but topographic maps are worse.

later,
=e

methinks i'm tipsy...

it's been a looooong day. i finally got to sleep at 1:30a.m., i've been up since 7a.m. and i'm tired, but the colbert report is on, and so i'm still up watching it, doing laundry, and drinking.

i still haven't quite recovered from this past weekend, and all that it entailed, but it's all good. i'm trying not to think about it, because analyzing it, or knowing me, over-analyzing it isn't going to do any good really.

okay, well, it just took me ten minutes to write all that...yeah, i'm not really here right now. so i'm gonna go. hope everyone had a good weekend, and hope you all have a great week!

much love and big hugs,

=e

i don't know where to begin...

maybe by opening a bottle and drinking the rest of the night away...

today has been one for the books...
i can't even go into everything that happened today because that wouldn't be fair to other parties involved in some matters, but all i can say is, "wow...just, wow."
i have no explanation for today either, and i'm sitting here absolutely just amazed and bewildered by it.

let me clarify a little bit:

today was not a bad day at all. i was at work from 9:15a.m. till 5:00p.m. i had great conversations most of the day. for the most part people in the lab were self-sufficient, and those that weren't drove me crazy, but left eventually. and after work, i got called out on a bunch of shit, and that made me laugh.

it's just been a really odd day, and i think it will probably take some time for it to make much sense in my brain.

with all that being said, the rest of this week was pretty much shit. i haven't been on chat all week because i've been strung out with school and work, so even though i said i would be, that fell through. kiddos were tough all week for some reason, and friday was the straw that broke the camels back. and i haven't been talking to the one formerly known as "the boy" all week. so today was rather welcoming, in whatever strange kind of way it existed anyway.

so, now i think i'm going to go take a bath, take some vicodin, and then head to bed. tomorrow i'm going to go shooting in greenville, and then maybe try and get my hair cut at some point. i don't know...we'll see how the day goes. at this point, i'm not planning anything anymore. things work out better when they just happen, it seems.

auf wiedersehen,
=e

i should be asleep right now...

but i just had to get this on paper, and once i did that, i figured i would share it with you.
--------------------------------------

2/6/08

i think the downfall of the relationship between my sister and me must have started the day i was born. till then, my sister was an only child to older, wealthy parents whose concept of love was to throw money at problems and tantrums until they went away. but then i came into the picture, and things just went downhill from there.
my most vivid, and telling story of my sister's "love" for me is captured in time, forever, in a scar on my knee. the story goes like this:

we were out riding bikes with dad one afternoon on a weekend. since we lived in a small town, and
our neighborhood was fairly small, it wasn't odd to see dogs without leases or collars roaming the streets.
however, on this day, as we were riding along, we came upon a small pack of about five or six stray
dogs. me, being the youngest, and smallest, and who was on a bike closest to the ground, started to
freak out. apparently my panic induced fear in my sister, and her "fight or flight" sense kicked in to high
gear.
turns out, she's not a fighter.
however, she is smart, and realized that if she just rode off the dogs would still probably chase after
her. so, with all her might, she mustered enough courage to ride over to me and push me to the ground,
thus, sacrificing me to the dogs. as i fell, my knee smashed into the curb and then onto the newly paved and
graveled street. my dad then came up behind me, rescuing me from the being mauled, or more likely from
being licked to death by the dogs.

oddly enough, that is probably one of my favorite stories about my sister, as it really shows the depth of our relationships. i thought of it today for two reasons. one, i was sitting in the bath and noticed the scar which made me chuckle a bit as i recalled its birthplace. the other was watching some of my kiddos today at work. there are pairs of siblings that come to our program, and they all get along so well with each other, with the older ones looking out for the younger ones and such. and though, on some level i envy what they have, i am mostly filled with hope that they never have stories, of sacrificing one another, of their own.

famous last words...

"hopefully it's just allergies..."

hahahahaha...yeah, right!

yeah, i've been sick for over a week now...great fun. went to the doctor on tuesday, and it turns out that i've had strep throat since last week! go me! i've been on medicine since tuesday, and though i'm not contagious anymore, i still feel like absolute crap. i missed work almost all week, which sucked big time. it'll be a bit of a blow to my next pay check which doesn't really matter, but sucks in its own right, and it's not like the time off was fun at all. all in all, it's been a sucky ass week physically speaking.

now, mentally speaking, that's a whole different story.
there is something about having all the time in the world and not being able to actually do anything with it that will get a mind moving. a lot has been swirling through this noggin' of mine, and it's been nice. i enjoy the thought process. i'm tired, gimmie a break.

ok, so this is going to turn into ramblings if i keep writing right now, so i'm gonna go take a bath and go to bed. i have work in the morning and i found out earlier tonight that i'll have 60+ high school kiddos coming through the lab at some point. whoopie! :P

night,
=e