the grey turned to blue
as the sun illuminated the world
and cast myself in shadow
the vibrant colors
my muted tones
at odds with the world
with myself
there is no comfort
in never quite fitting in
in knowing you don't belong
=e
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
just a random thought...
do you remember that game jenga? the one where you build a tower out of blocks, and the whole point of the game is to try to remove as many blocks as you can before the whole thing falls...
sometimes i feel as though my life is just a large scale version of that game, and yet, i don't even get to play. slowly pieces are removed and my whole tower shakes and sways. it's only a matter of time before the whole thing comes tumbling down.
=e
sometimes i feel as though my life is just a large scale version of that game, and yet, i don't even get to play. slowly pieces are removed and my whole tower shakes and sways. it's only a matter of time before the whole thing comes tumbling down.
=e
Monday, September 08, 2008
on being a whore...
the important thing to remember when being a whore, is to put yourself out there without shame or embarrassment...
with that being said, i give you this:
http://rockonleapingfrog.etsy.com
enjoy...
=e
with that being said, i give you this:
http://rockonleapingfrog.etsy.com
enjoy...
=e
Sunday, August 24, 2008
so...yeah...
it's 2a.m. and i'm bored out of my mind...
i slept in till after 12p.m. today, and then ended up sleeping off and on most of the day too. i ignored my phone, my roommate, my cats, and basically the world. sorry if you tried calling.
so now it's after 2a.m. and i'm awake (go figure) but with no motivation to do anything.
i guess i'm gonna go take a couple sleeping pills and draw till they kick in.
later.
=e
i slept in till after 12p.m. today, and then ended up sleeping off and on most of the day too. i ignored my phone, my roommate, my cats, and basically the world. sorry if you tried calling.
so now it's after 2a.m. and i'm awake (go figure) but with no motivation to do anything.
i guess i'm gonna go take a couple sleeping pills and draw till they kick in.
later.
=e
Sunday, August 17, 2008
don't call it a comeback...
okay, so i said i wasn't going to post anything until i had something worth saying, but in all honesty, i'm just really bored and have nothing better to do besides make all of you suffer with me! ha!
the past few weeks have kind of been all over the place. there's been a lot of shit that's happened, and none of it is all that high spirited, so i won't waste your time with it. what i do want to know is, where the hell is all this rain the weather channel keeps saying we're supposed to be getting?! my knees and hips have officially gone on strike, and i can't much blame them.
oh! if you want to watch something absolutely hilarious and wonderful, be sure to tune in to the roast of bob saget tonight on comedy central at 9p.m. this will hopefully explain to some of you who didn't understand why i was so psyched about getting to see him live awhile back. trust me, it's not the danny tanner you grew up loving, and it's so worth your time to watch it.
also, i'm working on getting my online store up and running for those of you who know about the necklaces i've been making. it should be up by next weekend, but that's assuming i get the eleven necklaces resined tonight, and then bother with all the extraneous crap the rest of the week. anyway...no link just yet, but i'll post it as soon as it's up and running. i warn you though, i do expect you to pass it around...and if you don't, i will hunt you down and beat you with your own bloody stub. or just pester you till you do :)
alrighty...well that's all i've got for now. that was a good waste of thirty minutes. now for the rest of my evening...
later,
=e
the past few weeks have kind of been all over the place. there's been a lot of shit that's happened, and none of it is all that high spirited, so i won't waste your time with it. what i do want to know is, where the hell is all this rain the weather channel keeps saying we're supposed to be getting?! my knees and hips have officially gone on strike, and i can't much blame them.
oh! if you want to watch something absolutely hilarious and wonderful, be sure to tune in to the roast of bob saget tonight on comedy central at 9p.m. this will hopefully explain to some of you who didn't understand why i was so psyched about getting to see him live awhile back. trust me, it's not the danny tanner you grew up loving, and it's so worth your time to watch it.
also, i'm working on getting my online store up and running for those of you who know about the necklaces i've been making. it should be up by next weekend, but that's assuming i get the eleven necklaces resined tonight, and then bother with all the extraneous crap the rest of the week. anyway...no link just yet, but i'll post it as soon as it's up and running. i warn you though, i do expect you to pass it around...and if you don't, i will hunt you down and beat you with your own bloody stub. or just pester you till you do :)
alrighty...well that's all i've got for now. that was a good waste of thirty minutes. now for the rest of my evening...
later,
=e
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
just because...
"Just A Thought" by Gnarls Barkley
[Verse]
All I want is your understanding
As in the small act of affection
"Why is this my life?"
Is almost everybody's question
[Hook]
And I've tried
Everything but suicide
But it's crossed my mind
[Verse]
I prefer peace
Wouldn't have to have one worldly possession
But essentially I'm an animal
So just what do I do with all the aggression?
[Hook]
Well I've tried
Everything but suicide
But it's crossed my mind
[Verse]
Life is a one-way street, and if you could paint it
I'd draw myself going in the right direction
So I go all the way - like I really really know -
But the truth is I'm only guessin'
[Hook]
And I've tried
Everything but suicide
Ooh but it's crossed my mind
Just a thought
[Verse]
It's even dark in the daytime
It's not just good - it's +Great Depression+
When I was lost I even found myself
Looking in the gun's direction
[Hook]
And so I've tried
Everything but suicide
But yes - it's crossed my mind
But I'm fine
[Verse]
All I want is your understanding
As in the small act of affection
"Why is this my life?"
Is almost everybody's question
[Hook]
And I've tried
Everything but suicide
But it's crossed my mind
[Verse]
I prefer peace
Wouldn't have to have one worldly possession
But essentially I'm an animal
So just what do I do with all the aggression?
[Hook]
Well I've tried
Everything but suicide
But it's crossed my mind
[Verse]
Life is a one-way street, and if you could paint it
I'd draw myself going in the right direction
So I go all the way - like I really really know -
But the truth is I'm only guessin'
[Hook]
And I've tried
Everything but suicide
Ooh but it's crossed my mind
Just a thought
[Verse]
It's even dark in the daytime
It's not just good - it's +Great Depression+
When I was lost I even found myself
Looking in the gun's direction
[Hook]
And so I've tried
Everything but suicide
But yes - it's crossed my mind
But I'm fine
Friday, July 25, 2008
cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in...
i've been away for a little bit...taking a break from posting every thought and every detail of my current life. i realized that none of this really matters...none of what i write here is going to change any circumstance or make me feel better about things in general, and the good things i post about can't be enjoyed by others vicariously, so there really is no point.
with that said, i'm posting this, and then continuing my break for a bit. at least, until i feel as though there is something worthwhile to talk about.
later.
=e
with that said, i'm posting this, and then continuing my break for a bit. at least, until i feel as though there is something worthwhile to talk about.
later.
=e
Sunday, July 13, 2008
busy busy busy...
this weekend has been a bit hectic...
saturday i spent all day with rob and the real estate agent looking at houses, and fearing for my life because gloria, the realtor, is absolutely insane. it was fun though, just tiring.
today rob and i went and saw the movie 'get smart'. it was really funny and enjoyable. after that we went to petsmart and target, running usual weekend errands. tonight i got six pieces resined, so they'll be cured in three days, and i got four or five more prepped.
anyway...i've completely lost my train of though, which alcohol tends to do to me, so i'm gonna go. i've gotta take a shower and go to bed since i've got class in the morning.
later all.
=e
saturday i spent all day with rob and the real estate agent looking at houses, and fearing for my life because gloria, the realtor, is absolutely insane. it was fun though, just tiring.
today rob and i went and saw the movie 'get smart'. it was really funny and enjoyable. after that we went to petsmart and target, running usual weekend errands. tonight i got six pieces resined, so they'll be cured in three days, and i got four or five more prepped.
anyway...i've completely lost my train of though, which alcohol tends to do to me, so i'm gonna go. i've gotta take a shower and go to bed since i've got class in the morning.
later all.
=e
Saturday, July 12, 2008
there are things i'd like to do that you don't believe in...
"...i'd like to build something, but you'll never see it happen..."
i'm up later than i have been in days, and while i'm waiting for my sleep aides to kick in and offer some relief, i'm sitting here feeling rather guilty about something...
my knees have been killing me all day. the kind of hurt that burns throughout my body and makes me sick to my stomach; the kind of hurt that eventually becomes all i can think about and concentrate on. normally i would pop a painkiller or two, or three, and numb out the pain, as well as the rest of my body and mind, without really giving it a second thought.
however, today has been a bit different.
today, as with most days, i woke up with a small amount of pain that gradually grew worse throughout the day. by the time i got to work, the pain was moderate, but still at the point to where i was able to ignore it with some success. before leaving for work i was considering taking something to head off the pain (with the added bonus of allowing me to zone out at work), but decided against it for some reason or another. however, it was when i actually got to work that it was pointed out to me just how much the meds actually effect my work. thursday, throughout the afternoon and into the evening i had taken a bunch of stuff for various reasons, and apparently in doing so, had forgotten to do some stuff at the lab that would normally have been like second nature for me to do. i honestly don't remember much of what i *did* do, so it really doesn't surprise me that i forgot things. but then i heard myself when kelley told me what i'd forgotten to do, and the excuse that came out of my mouth was probably deserving of a slap, though it didn't receive one.
i dunno...it just sucks, because i really do love my job, and i try to treat the lab like it's mine and my responsibility and stuff. hell, there have been saturdays where i've left thinking i did everything, and then at 9p.m. i'll remember i forgot to lock a cabinet or turn off a light, and i've driven back up there to fix it! i don't like feeling like i didn't do my job, especially since it's not as though they ask much of me in the first place.
anyway...it's not really a big deal...i just felt/feel badly about it, and i hope i didn't really frustrate or upset kelley. i cleaned the entire lab today to try and make up for it. and i didn't take a single pain killer throughout the day, until about two hours ago where the pain got to the point of being absolutely unbearable.
i should get going to bed. it's after 2a.m. and rob and i have to be at the realtor's office at 10:30a.m. to go look at some houses. i'm really excited about it, but i won't be so happy when my alarm starts going off in less than 8 hours. bleh. alrighty. sorry for the rambling, just needed to empty my mind. night all! have a great weekend!
=e
i'm up later than i have been in days, and while i'm waiting for my sleep aides to kick in and offer some relief, i'm sitting here feeling rather guilty about something...
my knees have been killing me all day. the kind of hurt that burns throughout my body and makes me sick to my stomach; the kind of hurt that eventually becomes all i can think about and concentrate on. normally i would pop a painkiller or two, or three, and numb out the pain, as well as the rest of my body and mind, without really giving it a second thought.
however, today has been a bit different.
today, as with most days, i woke up with a small amount of pain that gradually grew worse throughout the day. by the time i got to work, the pain was moderate, but still at the point to where i was able to ignore it with some success. before leaving for work i was considering taking something to head off the pain (with the added bonus of allowing me to zone out at work), but decided against it for some reason or another. however, it was when i actually got to work that it was pointed out to me just how much the meds actually effect my work. thursday, throughout the afternoon and into the evening i had taken a bunch of stuff for various reasons, and apparently in doing so, had forgotten to do some stuff at the lab that would normally have been like second nature for me to do. i honestly don't remember much of what i *did* do, so it really doesn't surprise me that i forgot things. but then i heard myself when kelley told me what i'd forgotten to do, and the excuse that came out of my mouth was probably deserving of a slap, though it didn't receive one.
i dunno...it just sucks, because i really do love my job, and i try to treat the lab like it's mine and my responsibility and stuff. hell, there have been saturdays where i've left thinking i did everything, and then at 9p.m. i'll remember i forgot to lock a cabinet or turn off a light, and i've driven back up there to fix it! i don't like feeling like i didn't do my job, especially since it's not as though they ask much of me in the first place.
anyway...it's not really a big deal...i just felt/feel badly about it, and i hope i didn't really frustrate or upset kelley. i cleaned the entire lab today to try and make up for it. and i didn't take a single pain killer throughout the day, until about two hours ago where the pain got to the point of being absolutely unbearable.
i should get going to bed. it's after 2a.m. and rob and i have to be at the realtor's office at 10:30a.m. to go look at some houses. i'm really excited about it, but i won't be so happy when my alarm starts going off in less than 8 hours. bleh. alrighty. sorry for the rambling, just needed to empty my mind. night all! have a great weekend!
=e
Friday, July 11, 2008
a word from the newly wise...
when using a drimmel to drill holes into bottle caps, or other such small metal items, it might be wise to wear gloves, and/or use a vise grip of some sort.
and why would i tell you this?
because, let me assure you, drilling into your thumb after the drimmel tip skips off the object you were drilling and ricochets off your forefinger, hurts like fucking hell!
and that's all i have to say about that...
=e
and why would i tell you this?
because, let me assure you, drilling into your thumb after the drimmel tip skips off the object you were drilling and ricochets off your forefinger, hurts like fucking hell!
and that's all i have to say about that...
=e
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
problem...
Inside you feel so tired.
Your minds move too fast
until you're knocked back on the ground.
Feelings that linger around.
Summer here and the sun will find you.
Falling out with the world around you.
But you need not run away,
'cause everything's bound to change.
We could work this out or just let it go.
It's time to learn what we should know.
That's the problem with me,
see, there's a problem with me.
That's the problem, the problem with me.
So, now you're old
and the world has left you.
It's so sick, you see just where
they kept you down,
locked up in fear.
We can change it all from here
or simply let it disappear.
We could work this out or just let it go.
It's time to learn what we should know.
That's the problem with me,
see, there's a problem with me.
That's the problem, the problem with me.
Fade out 'til tomorrow.
You just keep standing there.
Reelin' will follow spinning in the air.
We could work this out or just let it go.
It's time to learn what we should know.
That's the problem with me,
see, there's a problem with me.
That's the problem, the problem with me.
It's all I wanted.
--------------------------------------
band: remy zero; song: problem
Your minds move too fast
until you're knocked back on the ground.
Feelings that linger around.
Summer here and the sun will find you.
Falling out with the world around you.
But you need not run away,
'cause everything's bound to change.
We could work this out or just let it go.
It's time to learn what we should know.
That's the problem with me,
see, there's a problem with me.
That's the problem, the problem with me.
So, now you're old
and the world has left you.
It's so sick, you see just where
they kept you down,
locked up in fear.
We can change it all from here
or simply let it disappear.
We could work this out or just let it go.
It's time to learn what we should know.
That's the problem with me,
see, there's a problem with me.
That's the problem, the problem with me.
Fade out 'til tomorrow.
You just keep standing there.
Reelin' will follow spinning in the air.
We could work this out or just let it go.
It's time to learn what we should know.
That's the problem with me,
see, there's a problem with me.
That's the problem, the problem with me.
It's all I wanted.
--------------------------------------
band: remy zero; song: problem
Thursday, July 03, 2008
i never thought i would say it, but...
yea for holiday weekends!!!
i am so happy, ecstatic if you will, that i get to go home tonight, do whatever i want, and then sleep in tomorrow because i have nothing to do, including work!!!
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!
the down side is...i'm stuck here at work till 9p.m. with no one in either lab, and a very annoying someone in the studio. argh...oh well...i'll make it.
also, i would like to point out that it's freaking freezing in this damn office! i am not a penguin or a popcicle people!
not much else going on. trying not to fall asleep...just gotta stay awake for another two hours. bleh.
this has been a very pointless post, and i'm hungry now, so i think i shall go eat.
faretheewell...
=e
i am so happy, ecstatic if you will, that i get to go home tonight, do whatever i want, and then sleep in tomorrow because i have nothing to do, including work!!!
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!
the down side is...i'm stuck here at work till 9p.m. with no one in either lab, and a very annoying someone in the studio. argh...oh well...i'll make it.
also, i would like to point out that it's freaking freezing in this damn office! i am not a penguin or a popcicle people!
not much else going on. trying not to fall asleep...just gotta stay awake for another two hours. bleh.
this has been a very pointless post, and i'm hungry now, so i think i shall go eat.
faretheewell...
=e
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
F*@#! it's only tuesday/wednesday...
i am extremely exhausted! you know...that exhaustion that hits you after days of being stressed over accomplishing a certain task, and then once it's done and over with, and all the adrenaline or whatever it was that kept you going is gone, all you want to do is collapse on the bed and sleep for days, and thinking to form a single cohesive thought actually hurts...yeah, well that's where i'm at.
i finally got my photos hung at the library, after dealing with matting and framing (which is a huge pain, especially when you own two very curious, and very furry cats), then driving the hour to hang them, just to drive an hour back and go to work. did i mention i was up at 8a.m. this morning? and did i mention i didn't go to bed till 3a.m.? yeah...
so yeah, it's only tuesday/wednesday and i've already had a very long week. at least i don't have to think about photos for a month...thankfully!
alright, well i'm going to go take a shower and head to bed i think. i get to sleep in! yea! which means i get to take something to actually help me sleep! bigger yea! haha...alrighty, well have a great rest of the week everyone!
later!
=e
i finally got my photos hung at the library, after dealing with matting and framing (which is a huge pain, especially when you own two very curious, and very furry cats), then driving the hour to hang them, just to drive an hour back and go to work. did i mention i was up at 8a.m. this morning? and did i mention i didn't go to bed till 3a.m.? yeah...
so yeah, it's only tuesday/wednesday and i've already had a very long week. at least i don't have to think about photos for a month...thankfully!
alright, well i'm going to go take a shower and head to bed i think. i get to sleep in! yea! which means i get to take something to actually help me sleep! bigger yea! haha...alrighty, well have a great rest of the week everyone!
later!
=e
Sunday, June 29, 2008
i get knocked down, but i get up again...
this past week was all over the place...
it started out kind of slow; monday was real slow because i don't even remember it really; tuesday i had lunch with jen and we stuffed ourselves and had a blast; then at some point during tuesday, or maybe it happened before then and just didn't kick in till late tuesday, but either way, i sprained the fuck out of my knee; so then wednesday and thursday i spent on crutches till my arms just couldn't take it anymore; friday i toughed it out at work (and by toughing it out i mean, i took a lot of painkillers and double braced my knee); thursday and friday i spent the entire time i was at work printing photographs so i would have something to hang tuesday...
that brings us to today...which i kept thinking was sunday all day, but in fact was saturday, and turned out to be a very productive day. i got my mats measured and cut for my pictures! all that's left to do now is put together frames and get it all together and ready to be hung. i also went to half priced books and hobby lobby in order to pick up supplies for a project i've been working on. once i get kelley's done and given to her, i'll tell more about it.
oh wait...no i can't do that...i have to wait till jen gets back from her trip and she gets hers too. speaking of which, jen's gone all week, and david (my lab boss) has surgery on wednesday, so i'm thinking work this week is going to be very very boring. poor david...i do not envy him at all. he's having back surgery, or more specifically, he's having his spine drilled out basically. ick...just the thought makes me a bit nauseous!
oh! and i almost forgot the best part of this weekend! tomorrow (sunday) night, i get to go see bob saget live!!! i am so freaking excited! if you have never seen his stand up, you are probably thinking i'm insane for wanting to see "that guy from full house" live, but seriously, you have no idea. go to his site (linked above), and then go rent the movie 'the aristocrats'. perhaps then you will have a greater appreciation, and more importantly, large amounts of envy, for what i'm going to get to see!
anyway. i'm going to work on my project a little longer, and then hit the hay i spose. hope everyone's having a great weekend.
much love,
=e
it started out kind of slow; monday was real slow because i don't even remember it really; tuesday i had lunch with jen and we stuffed ourselves and had a blast; then at some point during tuesday, or maybe it happened before then and just didn't kick in till late tuesday, but either way, i sprained the fuck out of my knee; so then wednesday and thursday i spent on crutches till my arms just couldn't take it anymore; friday i toughed it out at work (and by toughing it out i mean, i took a lot of painkillers and double braced my knee); thursday and friday i spent the entire time i was at work printing photographs so i would have something to hang tuesday...
that brings us to today...which i kept thinking was sunday all day, but in fact was saturday, and turned out to be a very productive day. i got my mats measured and cut for my pictures! all that's left to do now is put together frames and get it all together and ready to be hung. i also went to half priced books and hobby lobby in order to pick up supplies for a project i've been working on. once i get kelley's done and given to her, i'll tell more about it.
oh wait...no i can't do that...i have to wait till jen gets back from her trip and she gets hers too. speaking of which, jen's gone all week, and david (my lab boss) has surgery on wednesday, so i'm thinking work this week is going to be very very boring. poor david...i do not envy him at all. he's having back surgery, or more specifically, he's having his spine drilled out basically. ick...just the thought makes me a bit nauseous!
oh! and i almost forgot the best part of this weekend! tomorrow (sunday) night, i get to go see bob saget live!!! i am so freaking excited! if you have never seen his stand up, you are probably thinking i'm insane for wanting to see "that guy from full house" live, but seriously, you have no idea. go to his site (linked above), and then go rent the movie 'the aristocrats'. perhaps then you will have a greater appreciation, and more importantly, large amounts of envy, for what i'm going to get to see!
anyway. i'm going to work on my project a little longer, and then hit the hay i spose. hope everyone's having a great weekend.
much love,
=e
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
i don't sleep, i dream...
what the hell is wrong with me? it's well after 2a.m. and i cannot sleep for the life of me! argh. this is getting old.
my brain works better at night, but the rest of me doesn't function very well...what i mean is, i can do all the artsy fartsy stuff i do better at night, but i'm incapable of actually being useful during these hours.
i used to be a newspaper courier, and i thought it was the best job ever. i worked tuesday through saturday, from midnight till whenever i got done with all five of my routes, which was usually around 5 or so in the morning. i figured, hey, i'm a night person, and i love to drive, so surely this is the job for me. and it was, for a good while...i loved it...the freedom is offered was great, and the pay wasn't shabby either. then i fell asleep driving one night...well, actually it had happened before, but this time was different...i slammed into a curb (and luckily only a curb) and busted my car up real good. and that was that.
for a second there i forgot what my point was...
anyway...yeah, so here i am, up in the wee hours of the morning, and what am i doing? typing this crap! i did just finish a large painting that i'm quite happy with, but i guess my brain decided that wasn't enough to get it to shut down for the night. it's as though my mind has something it's trying to figure out, or something it wants to say or tell me...i'm not sure...regardless, the noise won't stop just because i turn out the lights.
so i guess i am off to take something so i can at least fit in a few hours of sleep. i keep hoping exhaustion will catch up with me, but it never seems to find its way.
hope everyone else is sleeping great and having wonderful dreams. night!
=e
my brain works better at night, but the rest of me doesn't function very well...what i mean is, i can do all the artsy fartsy stuff i do better at night, but i'm incapable of actually being useful during these hours.
i used to be a newspaper courier, and i thought it was the best job ever. i worked tuesday through saturday, from midnight till whenever i got done with all five of my routes, which was usually around 5 or so in the morning. i figured, hey, i'm a night person, and i love to drive, so surely this is the job for me. and it was, for a good while...i loved it...the freedom is offered was great, and the pay wasn't shabby either. then i fell asleep driving one night...well, actually it had happened before, but this time was different...i slammed into a curb (and luckily only a curb) and busted my car up real good. and that was that.
for a second there i forgot what my point was...
anyway...yeah, so here i am, up in the wee hours of the morning, and what am i doing? typing this crap! i did just finish a large painting that i'm quite happy with, but i guess my brain decided that wasn't enough to get it to shut down for the night. it's as though my mind has something it's trying to figure out, or something it wants to say or tell me...i'm not sure...regardless, the noise won't stop just because i turn out the lights.
so i guess i am off to take something so i can at least fit in a few hours of sleep. i keep hoping exhaustion will catch up with me, but it never seems to find its way.
hope everyone else is sleeping great and having wonderful dreams. night!
=e
Monday, June 23, 2008
you can climb a ladder up to the sun...
updated the look of this thing...just got tired of trying to find the right color combo for the old layout, so i thought i'd just do something simple for a change. i don't know if it'll stick around for long, but it'll work for now. mainly, i was just bored and looking for something to do.
i don't know what's going on, but i'm a bit fucky right now. there's this underlying uneasiness about me. too much stress i'm sure. oh well, that's life i suppose.
you know how sometimes just the right song will come on at just the right time to say exactly what you're feeling when you can't? that just happened. pandora (which if you don't know what that is, i'll add a link when i'm done here) decided to play "talk" by coldplay.
"Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me"
yeah...
okay anyway. i guess i should get off my ass and try to accomplish something today. can't be a bum all my life, can i? yeah...later.
=e
i don't know what's going on, but i'm a bit fucky right now. there's this underlying uneasiness about me. too much stress i'm sure. oh well, that's life i suppose.
you know how sometimes just the right song will come on at just the right time to say exactly what you're feeling when you can't? that just happened. pandora (which if you don't know what that is, i'll add a link when i'm done here) decided to play "talk" by coldplay.
"Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me"
yeah...
okay anyway. i guess i should get off my ass and try to accomplish something today. can't be a bum all my life, can i? yeah...later.
=e
Sunday, June 22, 2008
wow...
holy shit i'm really fucking drunk...
fantastic...
wonderful...
lovely...
i'm going to beat jen up for leaving these damn cheesey pretzel things over here...the more i eat, the thirstier i am, and the more i drink...but they're so damn good! ha!
okay...that is all.
wonderful...
=e
fantastic...
wonderful...
lovely...
i'm going to beat jen up for leaving these damn cheesey pretzel things over here...the more i eat, the thirstier i am, and the more i drink...but they're so damn good! ha!
okay...that is all.
wonderful...
=e
Saturday, June 21, 2008
i was central, i had control, i lost my head, i need this, i, need, this...
i am at a complete loss for words.
currently, i am sitting in the office at the lab. i've only been here two hours. i'm waiting on two prints to finish washing so i can throw them on the screens and leave, while simultaneously trying to restrain myself from going in there and ripping them to shreds; it would be the only satisfactory feeling i could get from them anyway. they are shit. both are too light, but that's not really my concern.
no, the fact that i can't get anything in focus, that's where the problem lies.
first i thought, or assummed it was my enlarger, so i switched. but when that one started "slipping" out of focus too, and my temper started to flare, i was at a loss for what was happening. then, accidentally, i came across the problem. somehow or another, when i go to focus my print, i can get part of the frame in complete focus, but the other parts will remain blurry. how the hell does that happen?
most likely it's an issue with my negatives, or more specifically my camera. great...an entire project, an entire trip, an entire 14 rolls gone to waste.
fuck it...i'm done with this shit. i'm just fucking done.
currently, i am sitting in the office at the lab. i've only been here two hours. i'm waiting on two prints to finish washing so i can throw them on the screens and leave, while simultaneously trying to restrain myself from going in there and ripping them to shreds; it would be the only satisfactory feeling i could get from them anyway. they are shit. both are too light, but that's not really my concern.
no, the fact that i can't get anything in focus, that's where the problem lies.
first i thought, or assummed it was my enlarger, so i switched. but when that one started "slipping" out of focus too, and my temper started to flare, i was at a loss for what was happening. then, accidentally, i came across the problem. somehow or another, when i go to focus my print, i can get part of the frame in complete focus, but the other parts will remain blurry. how the hell does that happen?
most likely it's an issue with my negatives, or more specifically my camera. great...an entire project, an entire trip, an entire 14 rolls gone to waste.
fuck it...i'm done with this shit. i'm just fucking done.
i had too much to drink, and i didn't think, i didn't think of you...
i'm a wee bit tipsy still, and thus, a bit belligerent so bear with me...
do you ever have those defining moments in your life, where you can go back to a certain situation and clearly pick out the exact moment something changed the entire thing? i realized tonight, i have had one of those moments concerning a few relationships in present life. relationships that have changed, for the better or worse i do not know, or maybe just don't wish to recognize, but still, ones that nonetheless have changed; and i can trace those changes back to a specific moment...a specific time where something happened and something was said or done...not always just one specific thing, but sometimes an entire domino effect of occurrences.
okay, now i'm just rambling.
i don't know what to do about it. i don't know how to make things better, or make them right, or change them again in some other way to set them on some different course.
it's not the change the scares or bothers me...it's what that change has led, and will lead to...where it will steer those relationships...how they'll be shaped because of it, and the lost possibility of where they were originally headed. lament...i suppose.
sometimes being drunk helps...
do you ever have those defining moments in your life, where you can go back to a certain situation and clearly pick out the exact moment something changed the entire thing? i realized tonight, i have had one of those moments concerning a few relationships in present life. relationships that have changed, for the better or worse i do not know, or maybe just don't wish to recognize, but still, ones that nonetheless have changed; and i can trace those changes back to a specific moment...a specific time where something happened and something was said or done...not always just one specific thing, but sometimes an entire domino effect of occurrences.
okay, now i'm just rambling.
i don't know what to do about it. i don't know how to make things better, or make them right, or change them again in some other way to set them on some different course.
it's not the change the scares or bothers me...it's what that change has led, and will lead to...where it will steer those relationships...how they'll be shaped because of it, and the lost possibility of where they were originally headed. lament...i suppose.
sometimes being drunk helps...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
moving through rough waters...
so for the past few days i've been debating on whether or not to remove my last two posts, or perhaps to post some sort of apology and explanation. then i realized something...
it's my blog, and i'll vent if i want to!
the truth is, i used to have a completely separate blog that i kept secret and hidden for venting similar feelings. it's been quite awhile since i deleted that blog and i'm just now getting to the point where i'm comfortable using this space for what i originally created and intended it for.
look, here's the thing...this is a place where i can, and will continue to choose to, be honest. if i go censoring myself for the sake of someones feelings, then i am not only lying to everyone, but i'm also not allowing myself something i rarely do anyway, which is to feel and express those feelings.
for those of you who may have had issues with my last couple posts, or any previous ones for that matter, feel free to take it up with me. i mean really...for those of you in my personal life, don't wait for me to come you about it. once i write it on here, i've said what i needed to say. that's kind of the point.
as for that post that sparked this particular entry...i've decided i'm just giving everyone space. seems to be the simplest and most effective solution to the whole situation. it was definitely reaffirming to find out that i wasn't the only one feeling that way, however, as i discovered after talking with a friend the next day. so see? if nothing else, it opened up a platform for communication. and i feel okay about that.
=e
it's my blog, and i'll vent if i want to!
the truth is, i used to have a completely separate blog that i kept secret and hidden for venting similar feelings. it's been quite awhile since i deleted that blog and i'm just now getting to the point where i'm comfortable using this space for what i originally created and intended it for.
look, here's the thing...this is a place where i can, and will continue to choose to, be honest. if i go censoring myself for the sake of someones feelings, then i am not only lying to everyone, but i'm also not allowing myself something i rarely do anyway, which is to feel and express those feelings.
for those of you who may have had issues with my last couple posts, or any previous ones for that matter, feel free to take it up with me. i mean really...for those of you in my personal life, don't wait for me to come you about it. once i write it on here, i've said what i needed to say. that's kind of the point.
as for that post that sparked this particular entry...i've decided i'm just giving everyone space. seems to be the simplest and most effective solution to the whole situation. it was definitely reaffirming to find out that i wasn't the only one feeling that way, however, as i discovered after talking with a friend the next day. so see? if nothing else, it opened up a platform for communication. and i feel okay about that.
=e
Half a World Away...
This could be the saddest dusk
I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
high alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hand is tired my heart aches
I'm half a world away here
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Go it alone
Hold it along, and hold, hold
This lonely deep sit hollow
I'm half a world
Half the world away
My shoes are gone
My life spent
I had too much to drink
I didn't think
and I didn't think of you
I guess that's all I needed
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbirds backwards forwards and fall and hold hold
Oh this lonely world is wasted
Pathetic eyes high alive
blind to the tide that turns the sea
This storm it came up strong
it shook the trees
And blew away our fear
I couldn't even hear
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbird backwards forwards and fall and hold hold
This could be the saddest dusk
I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
high alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hands tired my heart aches
I'm half a world away and go...
-R.E.M.
I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
high alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hand is tired my heart aches
I'm half a world away here
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Go it alone
Hold it along, and hold, hold
This lonely deep sit hollow
I'm half a world
Half the world away
My shoes are gone
My life spent
I had too much to drink
I didn't think
and I didn't think of you
I guess that's all I needed
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbirds backwards forwards and fall and hold hold
Oh this lonely world is wasted
Pathetic eyes high alive
blind to the tide that turns the sea
This storm it came up strong
it shook the trees
And blew away our fear
I couldn't even hear
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
To go it alone
And hold it along
Haul it along
And hold it
Blackbird backwards forwards and fall and hold hold
This could be the saddest dusk
I've ever seen
Turn to a miracle
high alive
My mind is racing
As it always will
My hands tired my heart aches
I'm half a world away and go...
-R.E.M.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
wave of mutilation...
so i've kind of had it. with just about everything.
i've been giving some consideration to the relationships i have with people, and i've come to some conclusions. it seems as though everyone around me has paired off into their own little groups, none of which am i involved in. and so there i stand in the middle of this circle, surrounded by all of these off-shoots of friendships or relationships or what have you. so there i am, this pillar of one in the middle, and it's just me. oh sure, i'm a great place of refuge for when shit goes wrong in the lives of those around me, but otherwise i don't seem to be worthy of much more than small talk, and the occasional hug.
i would not see most of the people i call my "friends" if i didn't either work with them, or run into them at work. there are no invitations to hang out, no movies or get togethers unless i organize them myself, at which point it's all the pairs together, and me still feeling very alone amongst the group.
then there's rob...people mistake us for a couple all the time, but we couldn't be farther from it. everyone assumes that he counts as my partner in crime...my other half in my own little "pair", if you will, but he's not. we live together, and that's about it. hell, we're around each other so much, it makes actually hanging out nearly impossible, and rarely enjoyable.
i don't know. i'm probably over-thinking things, as i have a tendency to do. but all i know is how i feel, and this feeling of being alone sucks. i'm tired of always feeling like the third wheel, or as though it's a job to hang out with me. i'm sure this says something about me...maybe i'm too much of a pain in the ass. maybe i'm not as good of a friend as i thought i was, or as i strive to be. i try, but i always seem to end up back here, in this place of hurt. it's all very high school...i know. it's all quite pathetic.
i haven't gotten out of my pj's all day. i've been up a total of four and a half hours today, with a four hour nap thrown in there. it's now 8p.m. and i'm trying to decide if i want to bother with taking a shower, and trying to venture into the world at all today, or if i would rather just say fuck it, take a handful of pills and go back to sleeping away the world for as long as possible. currently, the latter of the two is sounding more ideal. i don't know, i'll try to give it an hour and see how it goes i guess.
by the way, if you're not someone that currently holds a physical place in my day to day or week to week life, then this does not apply to you. i would hate for the one person who has made me smile recently to think this was about her.
i've been giving some consideration to the relationships i have with people, and i've come to some conclusions. it seems as though everyone around me has paired off into their own little groups, none of which am i involved in. and so there i stand in the middle of this circle, surrounded by all of these off-shoots of friendships or relationships or what have you. so there i am, this pillar of one in the middle, and it's just me. oh sure, i'm a great place of refuge for when shit goes wrong in the lives of those around me, but otherwise i don't seem to be worthy of much more than small talk, and the occasional hug.
i would not see most of the people i call my "friends" if i didn't either work with them, or run into them at work. there are no invitations to hang out, no movies or get togethers unless i organize them myself, at which point it's all the pairs together, and me still feeling very alone amongst the group.
then there's rob...people mistake us for a couple all the time, but we couldn't be farther from it. everyone assumes that he counts as my partner in crime...my other half in my own little "pair", if you will, but he's not. we live together, and that's about it. hell, we're around each other so much, it makes actually hanging out nearly impossible, and rarely enjoyable.
i don't know. i'm probably over-thinking things, as i have a tendency to do. but all i know is how i feel, and this feeling of being alone sucks. i'm tired of always feeling like the third wheel, or as though it's a job to hang out with me. i'm sure this says something about me...maybe i'm too much of a pain in the ass. maybe i'm not as good of a friend as i thought i was, or as i strive to be. i try, but i always seem to end up back here, in this place of hurt. it's all very high school...i know. it's all quite pathetic.
i haven't gotten out of my pj's all day. i've been up a total of four and a half hours today, with a four hour nap thrown in there. it's now 8p.m. and i'm trying to decide if i want to bother with taking a shower, and trying to venture into the world at all today, or if i would rather just say fuck it, take a handful of pills and go back to sleeping away the world for as long as possible. currently, the latter of the two is sounding more ideal. i don't know, i'll try to give it an hour and see how it goes i guess.
by the way, if you're not someone that currently holds a physical place in my day to day or week to week life, then this does not apply to you. i would hate for the one person who has made me smile recently to think this was about her.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
the rain outside my window is a reminder of the time...
tonight i did something i haven't done in awhile...i went out driving for a bit, alone, just to clear my head.
with gas being nearly $4 a gallon, it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but i think i needed it. even though it's only monday, it already feels like a long week and i'm afraid it's only going to get worse. this working the late shift at the lab thing really sucks.
anyway...i've got a lot on my mind right now, as well as a lot on my plate, while still not being as busy as i would like to be all at the same time. i figure the busier i am, the less time i will have to think about things, which, in turn, means the less of a chance of allowing my mind time to bend itself all out of shape again. so far...it hasn't been working as well as i would like for it to, but i'm trying.
the shit part is...it's now 2:30a.m. and i'm still up. fucking insomnia. thought i had it whipped...thought i had a lot of shit whipped. meh. anyway. i'm gonna go take something and go to bed. goodnight all.
=e
with gas being nearly $4 a gallon, it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but i think i needed it. even though it's only monday, it already feels like a long week and i'm afraid it's only going to get worse. this working the late shift at the lab thing really sucks.
anyway...i've got a lot on my mind right now, as well as a lot on my plate, while still not being as busy as i would like to be all at the same time. i figure the busier i am, the less time i will have to think about things, which, in turn, means the less of a chance of allowing my mind time to bend itself all out of shape again. so far...it hasn't been working as well as i would like for it to, but i'm trying.
the shit part is...it's now 2:30a.m. and i'm still up. fucking insomnia. thought i had it whipped...thought i had a lot of shit whipped. meh. anyway. i'm gonna go take something and go to bed. goodnight all.
=e
Sunday, June 08, 2008
badgers can be choosers...
so the eddie izzard show was pretty good. minus the stress beforehand...and after...and the smelly usher guy. other than all of that, it was fun. i will say that his older stuff is funnier, and that i could have done without the political agenda. there were a few really great moments, though, such as when he pulled out his iphone to look up shirley temple on wikipedia. a completely spontaneous moment that ate up between 5 and 10 minutes of the opening part of his act. good stuff.
last night i had a get together here at my place where rock band and the card game apples to apples were enjoyed (as well as a bit of drinking i might add :) good times with good friends...i need more of that in my life methinks. and while something did go a bit awry at the very end of the night (of which the specifics still remain unclear to me), i think an overall good time was had by all. at least i hope so, as i would like to try and keep this a monthly thing, if at all possible.
as far as the rest of life goes, things are about to start getting back to normal. i've had a good two weeks off of school and work, which has been nice as it's given me the chance to get a lot of shit done that i have been putting off for awhile now. it's amazing how productive i can be when "life" doesn't get in my way! but alas, tomorrow (or today, technically, since it's after midnight) starts a new week, and one which will require me to start a bit of a different schedule.
work starts on monday, and it seems that for the rest of the summer i'll be working nights at the lab. bleh. on the one hand i don't mind, as i get paid to do it, and it's not as though it's strenuous work. however, i have just gotten back into the habit of cooking dinner, and winding down which allows me to sleep better. i'm a bit concerned that working till 9p.m. is going to throw me off a bit, but i'm hoping to find ways of working around it. i also start a fitness class at the rec. center on monday at 10a.m. it's a hydropeutics class, which is basically water therapy for those of us with joints that act much older than our age. my doctor has recommended it as perhaps an aide in my knee, hips and back issues. he wants me to go to a specialist, but having no health insurance pretty much makes that an impossibility. so we're going to try this, and hope it offers some relief. it's an hour every monday, wednesday and friday for the next month. we shall see...
anyway. on that note, i think i'm going to have to call it a night. i haven't stayed up this late in awhile, and i'm starting to feel it. plus i've gotta start getting myself up and moving in the mornings, so i figure i should start tomorrow.
hope everyone is having a good weekend. much love to all.
=e
last night i had a get together here at my place where rock band and the card game apples to apples were enjoyed (as well as a bit of drinking i might add :) good times with good friends...i need more of that in my life methinks. and while something did go a bit awry at the very end of the night (of which the specifics still remain unclear to me), i think an overall good time was had by all. at least i hope so, as i would like to try and keep this a monthly thing, if at all possible.
as far as the rest of life goes, things are about to start getting back to normal. i've had a good two weeks off of school and work, which has been nice as it's given me the chance to get a lot of shit done that i have been putting off for awhile now. it's amazing how productive i can be when "life" doesn't get in my way! but alas, tomorrow (or today, technically, since it's after midnight) starts a new week, and one which will require me to start a bit of a different schedule.
work starts on monday, and it seems that for the rest of the summer i'll be working nights at the lab. bleh. on the one hand i don't mind, as i get paid to do it, and it's not as though it's strenuous work. however, i have just gotten back into the habit of cooking dinner, and winding down which allows me to sleep better. i'm a bit concerned that working till 9p.m. is going to throw me off a bit, but i'm hoping to find ways of working around it. i also start a fitness class at the rec. center on monday at 10a.m. it's a hydropeutics class, which is basically water therapy for those of us with joints that act much older than our age. my doctor has recommended it as perhaps an aide in my knee, hips and back issues. he wants me to go to a specialist, but having no health insurance pretty much makes that an impossibility. so we're going to try this, and hope it offers some relief. it's an hour every monday, wednesday and friday for the next month. we shall see...
anyway. on that note, i think i'm going to have to call it a night. i haven't stayed up this late in awhile, and i'm starting to feel it. plus i've gotta start getting myself up and moving in the mornings, so i figure i should start tomorrow.
hope everyone is having a good weekend. much love to all.
=e
Thursday, June 05, 2008
SWEET!!!!!!
that's right bitches! i'm going to see Eddie Izzard tonight!!!
just had to share...have a good one!
=e
just had to share...have a good one!
=e
Friday, May 30, 2008
rolling with the punches...
it's been a few days since i've returned from the new mexico trip, and though i have actually been really busy during that time, i have also been avoiding posting much of anything about the trip for several reasons.
the trip itself was not necessarily bad by any means, nor do i regret going as i came away from it with renewed inspiration, motivation, and understanding. however, there was enough drama on this particular trip that it could put any weekday night cw network television show to shame. i won't get in to anything too specific, but i will say that we ran the gambit of immature and irresponsible actions, including, on a personal note, getting into a yelling match with the person i consider one of my best friends.
anyway. the time i have spent this week keeping to myself (for the most part) has helped me to gain some perspective on the entire trip, as well as on myself and the relationships i keep with people. i'm feeling really good right now, but am far from feeling social, which i think, at the moment, is a healthy thing for me. things have changed, for me, for others, for me and others, and while i'm not sure how those things will play out, or if they will be positive or negative changes, they have occurred all the same, and there is no turning back.
=e
the trip itself was not necessarily bad by any means, nor do i regret going as i came away from it with renewed inspiration, motivation, and understanding. however, there was enough drama on this particular trip that it could put any weekday night cw network television show to shame. i won't get in to anything too specific, but i will say that we ran the gambit of immature and irresponsible actions, including, on a personal note, getting into a yelling match with the person i consider one of my best friends.
anyway. the time i have spent this week keeping to myself (for the most part) has helped me to gain some perspective on the entire trip, as well as on myself and the relationships i keep with people. i'm feeling really good right now, but am far from feeling social, which i think, at the moment, is a healthy thing for me. things have changed, for me, for others, for me and others, and while i'm not sure how those things will play out, or if they will be positive or negative changes, they have occurred all the same, and there is no turning back.
=e
Thursday, May 29, 2008
relief...finally...
i'm up because i have a dentist appointment in thirty minutes since i cracked a tooth while in new mexico last week. yea.
i'm posting because last week while in new mexico the topic of mr. rogers neighborhood came up and for the life of me i could not remember the names of all the characters who lived in the neighborhood of make believe. i used to watch that show religiously, and could remember my favorites names, but there were two that were drving me nuts. one was the scientist guy who invented things and lived in the pink building next to the platypus family. his name is: Cornflake S. Pecially
the other character was the woman with the gin-blossom nose who ran the merry-go-round museum. turns out i was remembering her first name, but mixing her up with king friday's niece. then in the shower this morning her name popped into my head and i just needed to double check and make sure i was finally right. anyway, her name is: Lady Elaine Fairchilde
alrighty, well that's all. brian, pass that along to your girl. thanks.
i'm off to my appointment. later!
=e
i'm posting because last week while in new mexico the topic of mr. rogers neighborhood came up and for the life of me i could not remember the names of all the characters who lived in the neighborhood of make believe. i used to watch that show religiously, and could remember my favorites names, but there were two that were drving me nuts. one was the scientist guy who invented things and lived in the pink building next to the platypus family. his name is: Cornflake S. Pecially
the other character was the woman with the gin-blossom nose who ran the merry-go-round museum. turns out i was remembering her first name, but mixing her up with king friday's niece. then in the shower this morning her name popped into my head and i just needed to double check and make sure i was finally right. anyway, her name is: Lady Elaine Fairchilde
alrighty, well that's all. brian, pass that along to your girl. thanks.
i'm off to my appointment. later!
=e
Friday, May 16, 2008
oh fuckballs...
it's nearly 3a.m....
i'm supposed to be in greenville at 11a.m. to do lunch with my mom, and i only got on here to try to tire me out a bit so i could sleep...that was over two hours ago.
argh.
=e
i'm supposed to be in greenville at 11a.m. to do lunch with my mom, and i only got on here to try to tire me out a bit so i could sleep...that was over two hours ago.
argh.
=e
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
time spent, keep the change...
so it's 7:30p.m., wednesday night, and here i sit, at the lab, bored out of my freaking mind! i don't understand why we're even open this week, or why we're open so late at least. i'm only here another half hour, but it's been pretty slow goings all day, and week for that matter.
i did end up printing today. the first time i have done that in two years...literally. it was nice to get back into the darkroom and find that patience that otherwise escapes me in every day life. i must say, regardless of the length of my absence or what not, i am a fucking damn good printer. it is the one thing i take complete pride in. i was only making some test prints today, just fucking around for the sake of doing so and wasting time. i messed around for about an hour and a half, and then shut everything down so i wouldn't have to rush around later to get it all done. i think i may print some more tomorrow...maybe break out the fiber paper. i dunno, depends on my mood in the morning i suppose.
and though my day at work has been fairly pointless, minus the time i spent printing, the rest of my day was very productive. i got some items returned that i had been meaning to do for a week or so. then i went and bought film for my trip next week...13 rolls to be exact. that was a nice $70 gone, even with my ex-employee discount. oh well...hopefully it will go to good use. i also got the last bit of stuff i'm going to need for the trip purchased, which means all there's left to do now is organize it all and pack it before monday. shouldn't be too much of a pain in the ass, as long as i get on it before last minute sunday night. ha!
well i hope everyone is doing well, and isn't minding the weather too much. today was my kind of day, but as is texas, i'm sure that will change by tomorrow! later!
=e
i did end up printing today. the first time i have done that in two years...literally. it was nice to get back into the darkroom and find that patience that otherwise escapes me in every day life. i must say, regardless of the length of my absence or what not, i am a fucking damn good printer. it is the one thing i take complete pride in. i was only making some test prints today, just fucking around for the sake of doing so and wasting time. i messed around for about an hour and a half, and then shut everything down so i wouldn't have to rush around later to get it all done. i think i may print some more tomorrow...maybe break out the fiber paper. i dunno, depends on my mood in the morning i suppose.
and though my day at work has been fairly pointless, minus the time i spent printing, the rest of my day was very productive. i got some items returned that i had been meaning to do for a week or so. then i went and bought film for my trip next week...13 rolls to be exact. that was a nice $70 gone, even with my ex-employee discount. oh well...hopefully it will go to good use. i also got the last bit of stuff i'm going to need for the trip purchased, which means all there's left to do now is organize it all and pack it before monday. shouldn't be too much of a pain in the ass, as long as i get on it before last minute sunday night. ha!
well i hope everyone is doing well, and isn't minding the weather too much. today was my kind of day, but as is texas, i'm sure that will change by tomorrow! later!
=e
Thursday, May 08, 2008
back from gone...
okay, so i know it's been awhile since i last posted anything. i could say that it's because there hasn't been much going on, or because i've been too busy to sit down and type anything out, but both of those would be a lie. honestly, a lot has been going on, and i haven't really felt like sharing it with more than those who already know, so thus my absence from cyberspace shareall.
hope everyone is doing well, and such. i'm getting ready to go on a trip to new mexico in a little over a week. it's another one of those photography class trips, like the one i went on to big bend a couple of years back. and while the big bend trip had me swearing i would never go on another long distance class trip again, i gave in to peer pressure this year, and decided that the benefits (ie - the experience, being with friends, and having the opportunity to shoot and show) far out way the downsides (ie - twelve hours in a van with a bunch of people, learning a bit too much about how others live, and getting a little too familiar with nature). so we shall see.
well, since it has been so long since i've even been on here, and it's before 10a.m. and i'm sitting in an empty photo lab with nothing better to do, i figured i would update a bit. so, not only are you getting this wonderful up-to-date post, but i've also added a couple of links to the links section. currently facing south is a blog i came across this morning while searching around on here looking for something to read. it looks fairly new, as there's only a single post, however it sparked my interest. the other one, violently arrousing, is the new version of the bad movie club blog i used to have linked. it's done by my friend jason, who is subsequently the guy who gave me the now 11 1/2 pound kitty booger. so check those out, and stick around, as i figure i'll be posting somewhat more often now :)
later!
=e
hope everyone is doing well, and such. i'm getting ready to go on a trip to new mexico in a little over a week. it's another one of those photography class trips, like the one i went on to big bend a couple of years back. and while the big bend trip had me swearing i would never go on another long distance class trip again, i gave in to peer pressure this year, and decided that the benefits (ie - the experience, being with friends, and having the opportunity to shoot and show) far out way the downsides (ie - twelve hours in a van with a bunch of people, learning a bit too much about how others live, and getting a little too familiar with nature). so we shall see.
well, since it has been so long since i've even been on here, and it's before 10a.m. and i'm sitting in an empty photo lab with nothing better to do, i figured i would update a bit. so, not only are you getting this wonderful up-to-date post, but i've also added a couple of links to the links section. currently facing south is a blog i came across this morning while searching around on here looking for something to read. it looks fairly new, as there's only a single post, however it sparked my interest. the other one, violently arrousing, is the new version of the bad movie club blog i used to have linked. it's done by my friend jason, who is subsequently the guy who gave me the now 11 1/2 pound kitty booger. so check those out, and stick around, as i figure i'll be posting somewhat more often now :)
later!
=e
Thursday, March 27, 2008
to put it simply...
this week has sucked.
does anyone remember battle damage action figures? i feel like one. ha!
that is all.
=e
does anyone remember battle damage action figures? i feel like one. ha!
that is all.
=e
Sunday, March 23, 2008
still existing, one year at a time...
this past week was completely non-productive and lazy. i vote that's how every week should be from now on, who's with me?
i did get some stuff done that i had wanted to accomplish, though after monday i didn't even touch homework again, and i am a bit sad that i slept so much of my time away throughout the week. i got a new painting finished, but it still needs to be varnished, and i got two paintings varnished that i had finished awhile back. go me and my artistic self.
bleh.
in craptastical birthday news, i successfully avoided all phone calls on thursday, and managed to not do anything in celebration of turning a 1/4 of a century old, aside from eating sushi with rob and jen. a girl's gotta eat, right? sorry if you were one of those who got sent to voicemail on thursday...no offense to you, as i do appreciate the good wishes, i just wasn't as excited as everyone else seemed to be about my glorious day of birth.
bleh.
other than that...nothing new going on. i think i've finally decided to buy a digital camera, so that should be happening in the next week or two. i'll be going with the canon rebel xti (i know brian...i know). i need some recommendations on lenses though, because i don't really want to get the kit lense, as they aren't exactly great quality. anyway. that's all i got, so i'm gonna go. i think i may take a nap and enjoy my last day of freedom from the man.
later all.
=e
i did get some stuff done that i had wanted to accomplish, though after monday i didn't even touch homework again, and i am a bit sad that i slept so much of my time away throughout the week. i got a new painting finished, but it still needs to be varnished, and i got two paintings varnished that i had finished awhile back. go me and my artistic self.
bleh.
in craptastical birthday news, i successfully avoided all phone calls on thursday, and managed to not do anything in celebration of turning a 1/4 of a century old, aside from eating sushi with rob and jen. a girl's gotta eat, right? sorry if you were one of those who got sent to voicemail on thursday...no offense to you, as i do appreciate the good wishes, i just wasn't as excited as everyone else seemed to be about my glorious day of birth.
bleh.
other than that...nothing new going on. i think i've finally decided to buy a digital camera, so that should be happening in the next week or two. i'll be going with the canon rebel xti (i know brian...i know). i need some recommendations on lenses though, because i don't really want to get the kit lense, as they aren't exactly great quality. anyway. that's all i got, so i'm gonna go. i think i may take a nap and enjoy my last day of freedom from the man.
later all.
=e
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
not yet sleepy...
okay, it's 1a.m. and i am wide awake. why? because the past two days i haven't gotten up till at least 1p.m.
oops oops oops
oh well. i can always take something and conk out soon enough. i'm really glad to have this week off, but at the same time, i really don't know what to do with myself. i never have this much time to just, relax and get whatever i want done. it's confusing. today i didn't really do much of anything. i slept late, got up, hung out, watched some t.v., went out and bought some canvas for painting, found a new dentist and got an appointment for friday, and got a prescription for allergy medicine filled. all in all a pretty uneventful day, though i did get homework done somewhere in there, along with the two medical things that i can now cross off my "to do" list.
tomorrow i have to call to get the kitties a vet appointment for wednesday because they both need their shots, and it's easier to take them both at the same time - for them, and me. other than that, not much in the way of plans for the day.
other than all that jazz, not much is going on in my world. i've been pretty low-key lately, and i don't see that changing any time soon. hope everyone who is on spring break has a great one, and for those of you still having to work, i'll sleep extra for ya!
much love,
=e
oops oops oops
oh well. i can always take something and conk out soon enough. i'm really glad to have this week off, but at the same time, i really don't know what to do with myself. i never have this much time to just, relax and get whatever i want done. it's confusing. today i didn't really do much of anything. i slept late, got up, hung out, watched some t.v., went out and bought some canvas for painting, found a new dentist and got an appointment for friday, and got a prescription for allergy medicine filled. all in all a pretty uneventful day, though i did get homework done somewhere in there, along with the two medical things that i can now cross off my "to do" list.
tomorrow i have to call to get the kitties a vet appointment for wednesday because they both need their shots, and it's easier to take them both at the same time - for them, and me. other than that, not much in the way of plans for the day.
other than all that jazz, not much is going on in my world. i've been pretty low-key lately, and i don't see that changing any time soon. hope everyone who is on spring break has a great one, and for those of you still having to work, i'll sleep extra for ya!
much love,
=e
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
losing an hour, gaining piece of mind...
i really despise the time change when it means i lose an hour in my day. especially when i'm already behind on homework and such.
so there's been a lot going on in my life lately, and because of it i have been stressed, grumpy, and just exhausted in general. i would like to say that things have changed, that it's going to be better from today on out, but i don't think it's quite there yet. however, right now, in this moment, i have found a calmness that puts everything into perspective, and puts my heart at ease a bit.
there's not a lot to tell, really, and i'd rather not go into it too much, but i can say that i can finally let some stuff go. there's no hard feelings there, and we're all better for it or maybe because of it. sometimes, relationships aren't meant to work out for a reason, and seeing her tonight made me okay with that.
anyway. enough of that sappy, over the top, epiphany of the moment bullshit. i've got a ten minute play to go write that was due two nights ago, and that really needs to be submitted by midnight. think i can do it? guess we'll find out...
night all! have a good week.
=e
so there's been a lot going on in my life lately, and because of it i have been stressed, grumpy, and just exhausted in general. i would like to say that things have changed, that it's going to be better from today on out, but i don't think it's quite there yet. however, right now, in this moment, i have found a calmness that puts everything into perspective, and puts my heart at ease a bit.
there's not a lot to tell, really, and i'd rather not go into it too much, but i can say that i can finally let some stuff go. there's no hard feelings there, and we're all better for it or maybe because of it. sometimes, relationships aren't meant to work out for a reason, and seeing her tonight made me okay with that.
anyway. enough of that sappy, over the top, epiphany of the moment bullshit. i've got a ten minute play to go write that was due two nights ago, and that really needs to be submitted by midnight. think i can do it? guess we'll find out...
night all! have a good week.
=e
Thursday, March 06, 2008
the perfect day...
i have not been in this good of a mood in weeks!
it's raining, a lot...it's cold, and grey outside, and it's supposed to start snowing here in a bit. schools all shut down, which means no class, and no work since this morning. i have an extremely cuddly booger-bear sitting here next to me, and a warm mug of chai sitting at my other side.
this is turning out to be the best day ever!
i'm watching "growing up lynx" on the animal planet channel, and working on homework off and on. fuck yeah!
okay, well i'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. hope all of you are well and warm!
xoxox,
=e
it's raining, a lot...it's cold, and grey outside, and it's supposed to start snowing here in a bit. schools all shut down, which means no class, and no work since this morning. i have an extremely cuddly booger-bear sitting here next to me, and a warm mug of chai sitting at my other side.
this is turning out to be the best day ever!
i'm watching "growing up lynx" on the animal planet channel, and working on homework off and on. fuck yeah!
okay, well i'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. hope all of you are well and warm!
xoxox,
=e
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
something like that...
it's snowing. if you live here, you already know that, but seriously, no shit, it's snowing. it was seventy degrees over the weekend, and now it's snowing. i'm not sure why this surprises me, since i've lived here for 24 years you would think i'd be aware of such anomalies. meh.
i went to bed last night with a bit of a twinge in my hips, so i took a muscle relaxer and some excedrin thinking i'd be fine by morning. then i woke up, and realized that i was stuck. my hips and knees decided that the drastic weather change was not okay by them, and felt the need to take it out on me. so there i was, in my loft bed, 6 1/2 feet off the ground, unable to get down. quite a predicament i assure you. i managed to wiggle the covers off of me, and use a sliding maneuver to make it down the ladder, but once i was down i realized that walking was not an option. i eventually crawled my way to the couch, and that is where i stayed for the majority of the rest of the day today.
i didn't even know it was snowing till about 9p.m. when rob made it home and pointed it out to me.
so now it's after midnight and i'm wide awake because all i did all day was sleep. i took an unexpected four hour long nap from 3p.m. till 7p.m. and when i woke from that i realized what a mistake it was. luckily, after taking a bath, my hips have at least given me permission to sit up-right and walk for short periods of time, so that's a bonus.
anyway. that's all i've got for now. i've gotta get my shit together for tomorrow, assuming the college is open in time for work in the morning. there's a part of me that's really hoping it's not, but something else tells me not to get my hopes up too much.
anyway, hope everyone is safe at home, warm and cozy. i'm off to figure shit out.
night,
=e
i went to bed last night with a bit of a twinge in my hips, so i took a muscle relaxer and some excedrin thinking i'd be fine by morning. then i woke up, and realized that i was stuck. my hips and knees decided that the drastic weather change was not okay by them, and felt the need to take it out on me. so there i was, in my loft bed, 6 1/2 feet off the ground, unable to get down. quite a predicament i assure you. i managed to wiggle the covers off of me, and use a sliding maneuver to make it down the ladder, but once i was down i realized that walking was not an option. i eventually crawled my way to the couch, and that is where i stayed for the majority of the rest of the day today.
i didn't even know it was snowing till about 9p.m. when rob made it home and pointed it out to me.
so now it's after midnight and i'm wide awake because all i did all day was sleep. i took an unexpected four hour long nap from 3p.m. till 7p.m. and when i woke from that i realized what a mistake it was. luckily, after taking a bath, my hips have at least given me permission to sit up-right and walk for short periods of time, so that's a bonus.
anyway. that's all i've got for now. i've gotta get my shit together for tomorrow, assuming the college is open in time for work in the morning. there's a part of me that's really hoping it's not, but something else tells me not to get my hopes up too much.
anyway, hope everyone is safe at home, warm and cozy. i'm off to figure shit out.
night,
=e
Sunday, March 02, 2008
does anyone remember daria?
it's late, or maybe early...whatever.
i've been a bit m.i.a. lately, and i would be lying if i said i thought that was going to change any time soon. it's taking all of my energy lately just to stay on track with school, and keep myself motivated enough to go to work, so other randomness like keeping up with people, blogs or whatever has totally lost any importance that it might have once held. it'll come back, it just takes time.
on a quick plus note, i've been stuck on the short story we have to write for my creative writing course all week, and about two hours ago i finally had a breakthrough and got some writing done. thanks to encouraging words from my professor and the magical miracles of prescription painkillers, the words seemed to flow out of me with an ease that's been lacking for days now. hopefully that will continue through tomorrow so i can finish it on time and make a good grade on it. not that the grade really matters to me, as long as i'm happy with the overall work.
okay, well tomorrow is going to suck, but i have to get up regardless, so i guess i should go to bed. booger is already up there waiting on me to come snuggle.
hope you are all well and swell.
=e
i've been a bit m.i.a. lately, and i would be lying if i said i thought that was going to change any time soon. it's taking all of my energy lately just to stay on track with school, and keep myself motivated enough to go to work, so other randomness like keeping up with people, blogs or whatever has totally lost any importance that it might have once held. it'll come back, it just takes time.
on a quick plus note, i've been stuck on the short story we have to write for my creative writing course all week, and about two hours ago i finally had a breakthrough and got some writing done. thanks to encouraging words from my professor and the magical miracles of prescription painkillers, the words seemed to flow out of me with an ease that's been lacking for days now. hopefully that will continue through tomorrow so i can finish it on time and make a good grade on it. not that the grade really matters to me, as long as i'm happy with the overall work.
okay, well tomorrow is going to suck, but i have to get up regardless, so i guess i should go to bed. booger is already up there waiting on me to come snuggle.
hope you are all well and swell.
=e
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
that kind of week...
or two really...
so it's only tuesday, and i feel as though i've run a week long marathon with no sleep.
you know those days, weeks, months, times in general when every little thing goes wrong, and though after the first few things happen you shouldn't be surprised anymore, but still get extremely pissed and frustrated when they continue to snowball? that's where i'm at right now. i have bashed my knees, toes and now my thumb multiple times within the past few hours, and it's the most infuriating pain! i just want to scream curses and throw shit when it happens, but that would be irrational, and if i give it time, the pain passes. being tired reduces what little patience i already have.
i should be putting laundry away right now. after all that's what i came in here to do. i haven't put laundry away in two or three weeks. i just wash stuff, fold and put it in the laundry baskets, and then riffle through it when i need something. not the most efficient, nor organized of methods, that's for sure.
alright, well, since i'm as tired as i am, i think i'm going to take advantage of not having to get up early tomorrow and go ahead and hit the sack.
night all...
=e
so it's only tuesday, and i feel as though i've run a week long marathon with no sleep.
you know those days, weeks, months, times in general when every little thing goes wrong, and though after the first few things happen you shouldn't be surprised anymore, but still get extremely pissed and frustrated when they continue to snowball? that's where i'm at right now. i have bashed my knees, toes and now my thumb multiple times within the past few hours, and it's the most infuriating pain! i just want to scream curses and throw shit when it happens, but that would be irrational, and if i give it time, the pain passes. being tired reduces what little patience i already have.
i should be putting laundry away right now. after all that's what i came in here to do. i haven't put laundry away in two or three weeks. i just wash stuff, fold and put it in the laundry baskets, and then riffle through it when i need something. not the most efficient, nor organized of methods, that's for sure.
alright, well, since i'm as tired as i am, i think i'm going to take advantage of not having to get up early tomorrow and go ahead and hit the sack.
night all...
=e
Thursday, February 21, 2008
learning to let go...
so...i'm still in a mood. or perhaps i'm just in yet another one...dunno.
i was telling donna at work today that i was exhausted though i hadn't done anything, and just felt myself getting into a bad mood...well that bad mood has landed. luckily it stayed at bay long enough for me to go to dinner with jamie and have me some raw fish yumminess. but then i got home and it just triggered. i'm hoping it passes soon. we'll see.
i've got a lot of shit on my mind right now, and i think that's why i've been so damn tired lately. when i can't get my brain to settle down, i have a hard time concentrating on things, and it all adds up. i've had to take sleeping aides every night this week, and i'm sure that's not helping.
then there's the issue of my great uncle who is at home slowly dying. he had a tumor between his large and small intestine, and after having emergency surgery to remove it, both of his intestines shut down completely and never came back online. he hasn't been able to intake food in at least 9 days now, so it's basically a waiting game at this point. they discharged him from the hospital on saturday and allowed him to go home with hospice care since there was nothing more they could do for him, and it would help to cut down on hospital costs. i dunno. blah.
on the up-side, i did a couple of really fun things with the kiddos at work. one was a game we totally thought was going to be lame and that they would hate, but ended up they all loved it. the other was a blind free drawing exercise that they were all a bit skeptical about, but i enjoyed a whole lot.
so, yeah...there was some positive in there. it hasn't been a bad week honestly, i think i'm just ready for it to be over though. right now my biggest worry is that the girl i work with on saturdays will still be sick and won't be able to come in to work on saturday. aside from the fact that i really enjoy seeing her and hanging out with her during that time, it's a very stressful job when i have to shut down both labs and the studio by myself. -sigh- i shouldn't stress over what i can't change and have no control over though.
there's some song playing on my pandora list right now called "summer's end" by 2002. it's extremely peaceful and i'm digging it. it's all instrumental with some choir stuff in it. very nice.
okay, well i have some homework that i should probably go take a look at so i'm not stressing trying to get it all done tomorrow night.
till the next time...
=e
i was telling donna at work today that i was exhausted though i hadn't done anything, and just felt myself getting into a bad mood...well that bad mood has landed. luckily it stayed at bay long enough for me to go to dinner with jamie and have me some raw fish yumminess. but then i got home and it just triggered. i'm hoping it passes soon. we'll see.
i've got a lot of shit on my mind right now, and i think that's why i've been so damn tired lately. when i can't get my brain to settle down, i have a hard time concentrating on things, and it all adds up. i've had to take sleeping aides every night this week, and i'm sure that's not helping.
then there's the issue of my great uncle who is at home slowly dying. he had a tumor between his large and small intestine, and after having emergency surgery to remove it, both of his intestines shut down completely and never came back online. he hasn't been able to intake food in at least 9 days now, so it's basically a waiting game at this point. they discharged him from the hospital on saturday and allowed him to go home with hospice care since there was nothing more they could do for him, and it would help to cut down on hospital costs. i dunno. blah.
on the up-side, i did a couple of really fun things with the kiddos at work. one was a game we totally thought was going to be lame and that they would hate, but ended up they all loved it. the other was a blind free drawing exercise that they were all a bit skeptical about, but i enjoyed a whole lot.
so, yeah...there was some positive in there. it hasn't been a bad week honestly, i think i'm just ready for it to be over though. right now my biggest worry is that the girl i work with on saturdays will still be sick and won't be able to come in to work on saturday. aside from the fact that i really enjoy seeing her and hanging out with her during that time, it's a very stressful job when i have to shut down both labs and the studio by myself. -sigh- i shouldn't stress over what i can't change and have no control over though.
there's some song playing on my pandora list right now called "summer's end" by 2002. it's extremely peaceful and i'm digging it. it's all instrumental with some choir stuff in it. very nice.
okay, well i have some homework that i should probably go take a look at so i'm not stressing trying to get it all done tomorrow night.
till the next time...
=e
Sunday, February 17, 2008
bunch 'o' ramblings...
i'm in a mood...
i have been since sometime yesterday, and i'm not sure where it came from. it's one of those "fuck it all" moods. i'm thinking it's probably just because i'm tired from being sick all week, and i haven't fully recovered yet, so i'm still in that mid-way state. i dunno.
i've been behind on my homework all week, and that sucks majorly. at the same time, however, i don't really feel like catching up on it. i look at it and think, "man, i really just don't want to fuck with this right now." but then i remember that this is my last semester, and if i can just stick with it i'll have my associates degree at the end of it all. something about spring semesters just get me all outta whack or something.
i keep poking at the bruise on my arm from where they drew blood at the doctor's office last week. it doesn't really hurt anymore, but every now and then it twinges. not sure why i shared that, but there ya go. buy yourself something pretty.
i did get to have sushi tonight, which made me very happy. rob took me to umeko, and i must say, it was quite yummy. though, not something has my tummy feeling woozy, and i don't know if it's the fish, or the fact that i took a darvocet last night and aren't taking one tonight. i'm guessing it's probably the latter of the two.
okay, well i'm off to study for my geology test that i have to take tomorrow. rocks suck, but topographic maps are worse.
later,
=e
i have been since sometime yesterday, and i'm not sure where it came from. it's one of those "fuck it all" moods. i'm thinking it's probably just because i'm tired from being sick all week, and i haven't fully recovered yet, so i'm still in that mid-way state. i dunno.
i've been behind on my homework all week, and that sucks majorly. at the same time, however, i don't really feel like catching up on it. i look at it and think, "man, i really just don't want to fuck with this right now." but then i remember that this is my last semester, and if i can just stick with it i'll have my associates degree at the end of it all. something about spring semesters just get me all outta whack or something.
i keep poking at the bruise on my arm from where they drew blood at the doctor's office last week. it doesn't really hurt anymore, but every now and then it twinges. not sure why i shared that, but there ya go. buy yourself something pretty.
i did get to have sushi tonight, which made me very happy. rob took me to umeko, and i must say, it was quite yummy. though, not something has my tummy feeling woozy, and i don't know if it's the fish, or the fact that i took a darvocet last night and aren't taking one tonight. i'm guessing it's probably the latter of the two.
okay, well i'm off to study for my geology test that i have to take tomorrow. rocks suck, but topographic maps are worse.
later,
=e
Monday, February 11, 2008
methinks i'm tipsy...
it's been a looooong day. i finally got to sleep at 1:30a.m., i've been up since 7a.m. and i'm tired, but the colbert report is on, and so i'm still up watching it, doing laundry, and drinking.
i still haven't quite recovered from this past weekend, and all that it entailed, but it's all good. i'm trying not to think about it, because analyzing it, or knowing me, over-analyzing it isn't going to do any good really.
okay, well, it just took me ten minutes to write all that...yeah, i'm not really here right now. so i'm gonna go. hope everyone had a good weekend, and hope you all have a great week!
much love and big hugs,
=e
i still haven't quite recovered from this past weekend, and all that it entailed, but it's all good. i'm trying not to think about it, because analyzing it, or knowing me, over-analyzing it isn't going to do any good really.
okay, well, it just took me ten minutes to write all that...yeah, i'm not really here right now. so i'm gonna go. hope everyone had a good weekend, and hope you all have a great week!
much love and big hugs,
=e
Saturday, February 09, 2008
i don't know where to begin...
maybe by opening a bottle and drinking the rest of the night away...
today has been one for the books...
i can't even go into everything that happened today because that wouldn't be fair to other parties involved in some matters, but all i can say is, "wow...just, wow."
i have no explanation for today either, and i'm sitting here absolutely just amazed and bewildered by it.
let me clarify a little bit:
today was not a bad day at all. i was at work from 9:15a.m. till 5:00p.m. i had great conversations most of the day. for the most part people in the lab were self-sufficient, and those that weren't drove me crazy, but left eventually. and after work, i got called out on a bunch of shit, and that made me laugh.
it's just been a really odd day, and i think it will probably take some time for it to make much sense in my brain.
with all that being said, the rest of this week was pretty much shit. i haven't been on chat all week because i've been strung out with school and work, so even though i said i would be, that fell through. kiddos were tough all week for some reason, and friday was the straw that broke the camels back. and i haven't been talking to the one formerly known as "the boy" all week. so today was rather welcoming, in whatever strange kind of way it existed anyway.
so, now i think i'm going to go take a bath, take some vicodin, and then head to bed. tomorrow i'm going to go shooting in greenville, and then maybe try and get my hair cut at some point. i don't know...we'll see how the day goes. at this point, i'm not planning anything anymore. things work out better when they just happen, it seems.
auf wiedersehen,
=e
today has been one for the books...
i can't even go into everything that happened today because that wouldn't be fair to other parties involved in some matters, but all i can say is, "wow...just, wow."
i have no explanation for today either, and i'm sitting here absolutely just amazed and bewildered by it.
let me clarify a little bit:
today was not a bad day at all. i was at work from 9:15a.m. till 5:00p.m. i had great conversations most of the day. for the most part people in the lab were self-sufficient, and those that weren't drove me crazy, but left eventually. and after work, i got called out on a bunch of shit, and that made me laugh.
it's just been a really odd day, and i think it will probably take some time for it to make much sense in my brain.
with all that being said, the rest of this week was pretty much shit. i haven't been on chat all week because i've been strung out with school and work, so even though i said i would be, that fell through. kiddos were tough all week for some reason, and friday was the straw that broke the camels back. and i haven't been talking to the one formerly known as "the boy" all week. so today was rather welcoming, in whatever strange kind of way it existed anyway.
so, now i think i'm going to go take a bath, take some vicodin, and then head to bed. tomorrow i'm going to go shooting in greenville, and then maybe try and get my hair cut at some point. i don't know...we'll see how the day goes. at this point, i'm not planning anything anymore. things work out better when they just happen, it seems.
auf wiedersehen,
=e
Thursday, February 07, 2008
i should be asleep right now...
but i just had to get this on paper, and once i did that, i figured i would share it with you.
--------------------------------------
2/6/08
i think the downfall of the relationship between my sister and me must have started the day i was born. till then, my sister was an only child to older, wealthy parents whose concept of love was to throw money at problems and tantrums until they went away. but then i came into the picture, and things just went downhill from there.
my most vivid, and telling story of my sister's "love" for me is captured in time, forever, in a scar on my knee. the story goes like this:
we were out riding bikes with dad one afternoon on a weekend. since we lived in a small town, and
our neighborhood was fairly small, it wasn't odd to see dogs without leases or collars roaming the streets.
however, on this day, as we were riding along, we came upon a small pack of about five or six stray
dogs. me, being the youngest, and smallest, and who was on a bike closest to the ground, started to
freak out. apparently my panic induced fear in my sister, and her "fight or flight" sense kicked in to high
gear.
turns out, she's not a fighter.
however, she is smart, and realized that if she just rode off the dogs would still probably chase after
her. so, with all her might, she mustered enough courage to ride over to me and push me to the ground,
thus, sacrificing me to the dogs. as i fell, my knee smashed into the curb and then onto the newly paved and
graveled street. my dad then came up behind me, rescuing me from the being mauled, or more likely from
being licked to death by the dogs.
oddly enough, that is probably one of my favorite stories about my sister, as it really shows the depth of our relationships. i thought of it today for two reasons. one, i was sitting in the bath and noticed the scar which made me chuckle a bit as i recalled its birthplace. the other was watching some of my kiddos today at work. there are pairs of siblings that come to our program, and they all get along so well with each other, with the older ones looking out for the younger ones and such. and though, on some level i envy what they have, i am mostly filled with hope that they never have stories, of sacrificing one another, of their own.
--------------------------------------
2/6/08
i think the downfall of the relationship between my sister and me must have started the day i was born. till then, my sister was an only child to older, wealthy parents whose concept of love was to throw money at problems and tantrums until they went away. but then i came into the picture, and things just went downhill from there.
my most vivid, and telling story of my sister's "love" for me is captured in time, forever, in a scar on my knee. the story goes like this:
we were out riding bikes with dad one afternoon on a weekend. since we lived in a small town, and
our neighborhood was fairly small, it wasn't odd to see dogs without leases or collars roaming the streets.
however, on this day, as we were riding along, we came upon a small pack of about five or six stray
dogs. me, being the youngest, and smallest, and who was on a bike closest to the ground, started to
freak out. apparently my panic induced fear in my sister, and her "fight or flight" sense kicked in to high
gear.
turns out, she's not a fighter.
however, she is smart, and realized that if she just rode off the dogs would still probably chase after
her. so, with all her might, she mustered enough courage to ride over to me and push me to the ground,
thus, sacrificing me to the dogs. as i fell, my knee smashed into the curb and then onto the newly paved and
graveled street. my dad then came up behind me, rescuing me from the being mauled, or more likely from
being licked to death by the dogs.
oddly enough, that is probably one of my favorite stories about my sister, as it really shows the depth of our relationships. i thought of it today for two reasons. one, i was sitting in the bath and noticed the scar which made me chuckle a bit as i recalled its birthplace. the other was watching some of my kiddos today at work. there are pairs of siblings that come to our program, and they all get along so well with each other, with the older ones looking out for the younger ones and such. and though, on some level i envy what they have, i am mostly filled with hope that they never have stories, of sacrificing one another, of their own.
Friday, February 01, 2008
famous last words...
"hopefully it's just allergies..."
hahahahaha...yeah, right!
yeah, i've been sick for over a week now...great fun. went to the doctor on tuesday, and it turns out that i've had strep throat since last week! go me! i've been on medicine since tuesday, and though i'm not contagious anymore, i still feel like absolute crap. i missed work almost all week, which sucked big time. it'll be a bit of a blow to my next pay check which doesn't really matter, but sucks in its own right, and it's not like the time off was fun at all. all in all, it's been a sucky ass week physically speaking.
now, mentally speaking, that's a whole different story.
there is something about having all the time in the world and not being able to actually do anything with it that will get a mind moving. a lot has been swirling through this noggin' of mine, and it's been nice. i enjoy the thought process. i'm tired, gimmie a break.
ok, so this is going to turn into ramblings if i keep writing right now, so i'm gonna go take a bath and go to bed. i have work in the morning and i found out earlier tonight that i'll have 60+ high school kiddos coming through the lab at some point. whoopie! :P
night,
=e
hahahahaha...yeah, right!
yeah, i've been sick for over a week now...great fun. went to the doctor on tuesday, and it turns out that i've had strep throat since last week! go me! i've been on medicine since tuesday, and though i'm not contagious anymore, i still feel like absolute crap. i missed work almost all week, which sucked big time. it'll be a bit of a blow to my next pay check which doesn't really matter, but sucks in its own right, and it's not like the time off was fun at all. all in all, it's been a sucky ass week physically speaking.
now, mentally speaking, that's a whole different story.
there is something about having all the time in the world and not being able to actually do anything with it that will get a mind moving. a lot has been swirling through this noggin' of mine, and it's been nice. i enjoy the thought process. i'm tired, gimmie a break.
ok, so this is going to turn into ramblings if i keep writing right now, so i'm gonna go take a bath and go to bed. i have work in the morning and i found out earlier tonight that i'll have 60+ high school kiddos coming through the lab at some point. whoopie! :P
night,
=e
Friday, January 25, 2008
frumpy fits...
i'm sick...
well, hopefully it's just allergies, because it's just my nose and throat that are giving me hell. i was running a fever when i got up this morning, and though it has passed, i'm still achy and tired.
anyway, i'll save you the details of the gloriousness that came from my sinuses earlier, and just move on now. :)
so after going to work this morning, and then calling in sick to my other job, i went home and crashed out for a couple of hours. i woke up with both kitties curled up with me: booger at my legs, and macaroni pressed against my tummy. mmm...so warm!
anyway, i got up and worked on homework for a bit, since i had five writing practices due by midnight tonight. ugh. after not getting far, i gave up on the homework and just crashed out in front of the t.v. for awhile.
all in all, it wasn't a horrible day, but i hate being sick, and i'm ready for this shit to go away. i'm sure the eminent weather change isn't going to help matters, but one can hope. we'll see. i have to get up and go to work tomorrow, which sucks, but kelley's gonna be there, and with mcdonald's breakfast nonetheless :D yea!
methinks i'm gonna call it a day, though, and maybe go to bed a bit early tonight. since i got home from work this morning i've been wearing insulated wind pants, a thermal shirt under a hoodie pullover, and a pair of rob's long socks so my feet wouldn't be cold. trust me, i'm reeeeaaal attractive right now...w00t! :P
alrighty, night all!
=e
well, hopefully it's just allergies, because it's just my nose and throat that are giving me hell. i was running a fever when i got up this morning, and though it has passed, i'm still achy and tired.
anyway, i'll save you the details of the gloriousness that came from my sinuses earlier, and just move on now. :)
so after going to work this morning, and then calling in sick to my other job, i went home and crashed out for a couple of hours. i woke up with both kitties curled up with me: booger at my legs, and macaroni pressed against my tummy. mmm...so warm!
anyway, i got up and worked on homework for a bit, since i had five writing practices due by midnight tonight. ugh. after not getting far, i gave up on the homework and just crashed out in front of the t.v. for awhile.
all in all, it wasn't a horrible day, but i hate being sick, and i'm ready for this shit to go away. i'm sure the eminent weather change isn't going to help matters, but one can hope. we'll see. i have to get up and go to work tomorrow, which sucks, but kelley's gonna be there, and with mcdonald's breakfast nonetheless :D yea!
methinks i'm gonna call it a day, though, and maybe go to bed a bit early tonight. since i got home from work this morning i've been wearing insulated wind pants, a thermal shirt under a hoodie pullover, and a pair of rob's long socks so my feet wouldn't be cold. trust me, i'm reeeeaaal attractive right now...w00t! :P
alrighty, night all!
=e
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
obligatory hump-day post...
so far, this week has been one for thinking. whether it be over the past, present, or future, my mind cannot seem to find enough minutes in the day to consider, ponder, or just let thoughts marinade. and though my eyes are struggling with all they have left in them to remain open at times, it has been a dutiful process that has brought forth some issues with a blinding light that rivals that of one experiences when leaving a movie theater. unfortunately, or perhaps, as with all things, while some issues were illuminated, others sank slowly into the shadows and recesses of my mind.
with all of this thinking, i would be lying if i claimed my headaches and exhaustion were simply from school and work. (though they definitely have their part in all of this)
so while i sit here wondering where the rest of the week will take me in thought, and as booger attempts to get into anything and everything that is forbidden territory within the confines of my room, there is an overwhelming calm that has wrapped around me, like a warm blanket, fresh from the dryer, on a cold wintery day.
with that said:
my creative writing class is going fantastically! ha! no, but seriously, i am loving it. while i enjoy writing, and always have, in recent years i've felt as though i haven't had much to say, or if i did, it was the same thing over and over again. a perpetual cycle of incessant bitching with a brief and reluctant revelation thrown in from time to time. the proverbial hamster wheel, if you will. me, being the hamster, running in that damn wheel, with moments of pause to consider that i'm getting nowhere, only to begin running again. however, this class has given me new reason to write, and thus far my professor seems to think i possess some sort of talent, so there ya go!
other than that, it has been a fairly slow week. tuesday i worked a twelve hour day, which for some may not seem long, but for me was. and while i did it for good reason (ie - to help out a friend), and i did get paid for all of my kind-hearted efforts, i have to say that not even the dutch apple pie from burger king could lift my spirits at the end of the night. but man, was that a good pie. mmm...
today was better, though i sat through my geology lecture and, yet again, could not tell you what the hell was going on. it's not that i cannot grasp the information, no, far from it; it's that i, sadly, just don't care about rocks. i'm hoping to just make it through this first few weeks, so as to be able to get on to the more interesting parts of the course, like weather systems and the oceans. we shall see.
okay, well i think i have to be off the computer now. i've been sitting here reading for my english course for an hour or so, just to be able to take a quiz before mid-night, and now my eyes are feeling a bit wobbly. (weebles wobble but they don't fall down!)
alrighty, night all!
=e
with all of this thinking, i would be lying if i claimed my headaches and exhaustion were simply from school and work. (though they definitely have their part in all of this)
so while i sit here wondering where the rest of the week will take me in thought, and as booger attempts to get into anything and everything that is forbidden territory within the confines of my room, there is an overwhelming calm that has wrapped around me, like a warm blanket, fresh from the dryer, on a cold wintery day.
with that said:
my creative writing class is going fantastically! ha! no, but seriously, i am loving it. while i enjoy writing, and always have, in recent years i've felt as though i haven't had much to say, or if i did, it was the same thing over and over again. a perpetual cycle of incessant bitching with a brief and reluctant revelation thrown in from time to time. the proverbial hamster wheel, if you will. me, being the hamster, running in that damn wheel, with moments of pause to consider that i'm getting nowhere, only to begin running again. however, this class has given me new reason to write, and thus far my professor seems to think i possess some sort of talent, so there ya go!
other than that, it has been a fairly slow week. tuesday i worked a twelve hour day, which for some may not seem long, but for me was. and while i did it for good reason (ie - to help out a friend), and i did get paid for all of my kind-hearted efforts, i have to say that not even the dutch apple pie from burger king could lift my spirits at the end of the night. but man, was that a good pie. mmm...
today was better, though i sat through my geology lecture and, yet again, could not tell you what the hell was going on. it's not that i cannot grasp the information, no, far from it; it's that i, sadly, just don't care about rocks. i'm hoping to just make it through this first few weeks, so as to be able to get on to the more interesting parts of the course, like weather systems and the oceans. we shall see.
okay, well i think i have to be off the computer now. i've been sitting here reading for my english course for an hour or so, just to be able to take a quiz before mid-night, and now my eyes are feeling a bit wobbly. (weebles wobble but they don't fall down!)
alrighty, night all!
=e
Sunday, January 20, 2008
sometimes, that's reality...
ugh.
that's really all i can say about this past week.
just, ugh.
the week started off fine, and though i was already exhausted by tuesday, i was still getting things done and so forth. by early wednesday, however, i felt my mood starting to slip, and it seems that once it started there was no slowing it.
by the time i woke up thursday morning i was in a foul mood, and there was no talking to me. everything irritated me, and i still had to go to work with the kiddos. yeah...let's just say that didn't go as swimmingly as it normally would have. by 6p.m. the kids nearly had me in tears, and mentally i had given up and thrown in the towel.
i dunno. it was just one of those weeks i guess. everything i've been trying to ignore, or telling myself is okay, finally caught up with me all at once.
it'll be fine, it's just getting there.
anyway, i'm off to make coffee and find something yummy to eat. have a great rest of the weekend all.
=e
that's really all i can say about this past week.
just, ugh.
the week started off fine, and though i was already exhausted by tuesday, i was still getting things done and so forth. by early wednesday, however, i felt my mood starting to slip, and it seems that once it started there was no slowing it.
by the time i woke up thursday morning i was in a foul mood, and there was no talking to me. everything irritated me, and i still had to go to work with the kiddos. yeah...let's just say that didn't go as swimmingly as it normally would have. by 6p.m. the kids nearly had me in tears, and mentally i had given up and thrown in the towel.
i dunno. it was just one of those weeks i guess. everything i've been trying to ignore, or telling myself is okay, finally caught up with me all at once.
it'll be fine, it's just getting there.
anyway, i'm off to make coffee and find something yummy to eat. have a great rest of the weekend all.
=e
Sunday, January 13, 2008
the circle plays...
i'm exhausted. i have been all week, and i have absolutely no excuse for it. i was able to get two nights in a row of sleep without meds, so that was nice.
currently, i have a headache, so this will probably be fairly short. well, for that reason, and because i don't really have much to talk about :)
so far, the year has been going pretty good. i say that now, but give me a week and i may have changed my mind. starting monday, and then every monday for the rest of the semester, i will be getting up at about 6:30a.m. to make it to my 8a.m. geology lab. can you sense my excitement? yeah...thought so.
ugh...why do i do this to myself? i get myself into situations that i'm really not very happy with, but still somehow talk myself into because they're the "right decision". if i didn't take the early morning lab, i wouldn't be able to graduate this semester, and i could only take the early morning lab because i work two jobs that take up the rest of my time six days a week.
i shouldn't bitch about it because i really am lucky to be able to go to school and work, as well as not have to worry about other finances. i'm just in one of my moods right now...the wonderful funk that will pass in a couple of days, but until it does will keep me from seeing the glass half full.
hey, at least i'm aware of it. meh.
tomorrow i will be heading to g-ville to shoot a bit. i've got a solo display in july at the local library there, and i've gotta figure out what the heck i'm going to do for it. i've been brainstorming a couple ideas, but i'm one of those people that i won't really know what i'm doing til i've already shot it. so i think i'll head there tomorrow, shoot some, process it this week in the lab, and then go from there. i still have a bunch of film to process from my trip to mississippi. argh...so much stuff in my head!
okay, well i have a sleeping kitty half way on my leg and it's starting to go numb, so i should probably move her. hope everyone is having a great weekend.
much love to the masses,
=e
currently, i have a headache, so this will probably be fairly short. well, for that reason, and because i don't really have much to talk about :)
so far, the year has been going pretty good. i say that now, but give me a week and i may have changed my mind. starting monday, and then every monday for the rest of the semester, i will be getting up at about 6:30a.m. to make it to my 8a.m. geology lab. can you sense my excitement? yeah...thought so.
ugh...why do i do this to myself? i get myself into situations that i'm really not very happy with, but still somehow talk myself into because they're the "right decision". if i didn't take the early morning lab, i wouldn't be able to graduate this semester, and i could only take the early morning lab because i work two jobs that take up the rest of my time six days a week.
i shouldn't bitch about it because i really am lucky to be able to go to school and work, as well as not have to worry about other finances. i'm just in one of my moods right now...the wonderful funk that will pass in a couple of days, but until it does will keep me from seeing the glass half full.
hey, at least i'm aware of it. meh.
tomorrow i will be heading to g-ville to shoot a bit. i've got a solo display in july at the local library there, and i've gotta figure out what the heck i'm going to do for it. i've been brainstorming a couple ideas, but i'm one of those people that i won't really know what i'm doing til i've already shot it. so i think i'll head there tomorrow, shoot some, process it this week in the lab, and then go from there. i still have a bunch of film to process from my trip to mississippi. argh...so much stuff in my head!
okay, well i have a sleeping kitty half way on my leg and it's starting to go numb, so i should probably move her. hope everyone is having a great weekend.
much love to the masses,
=e
Saturday, January 05, 2008
so it's a new year...again...
okay...so, last year i did the whole resolution thing, and only really fulfilled one of them, being to concentrate more on my art. i did not lose more weight, i did not get my credit card paid off, and i did not finish out my associates degree.
in all honesty...i'm pretty much okay with that.
this year, however, my one and only resolution is to make goals throughout the year and fulfill them instead of making a few big goals at the beginning of the year and failing at all of them.
so far this year is shaping out to be better than '07, and though i've probably just jinxed it (haha), i would like to try and keep it that way. so i hope all of your new years are going well, and that you fulfill whatever resolutions you may have made.
that's all for now, but i'll have more later.
much love
=e
in all honesty...i'm pretty much okay with that.
this year, however, my one and only resolution is to make goals throughout the year and fulfill them instead of making a few big goals at the beginning of the year and failing at all of them.
so far this year is shaping out to be better than '07, and though i've probably just jinxed it (haha), i would like to try and keep it that way. so i hope all of your new years are going well, and that you fulfill whatever resolutions you may have made.
that's all for now, but i'll have more later.
much love
=e
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