have i mentioned that...

i absolutely hate the fourth of july? because i do...a lot. not because of what it stands for, but because of all the noise and idiots that feel the need to make their presence known. really...i could do without it.

then again, i could do without a lot, so i guess that's not really saying much.

anyway.

my plans for tonight? well it's already 11p.m. and i just got done watching the movie 'constantine' with rob while the kitties ran around having little heart-attacks due to all the firework booms surrounding the area. we made pasta for dinner and it was quite fantastic, and currently rob is cleaning up the kitchen, and i'm in here doing this and listening to good music. (gary jules atm)

from here i will probably proceed to get drunk, play some guitar hero, perhaps work on a painting, and, if i'm lucky, passing out some time around 3a.m.

and why am i not out and about on this "joyous" day of celebration? why am i not hanging with friends or family? well, for starters i wasn't really invited to anything, not that i would have gone anyway, but it would be nice to be asked once in awhile. aside from that, my relationships with the people in my life that actually are doing stuff are currently being re-evaluated. call it the loner or hermit in me, or hell, you can even call me a prude. doesn't make much difference to me, and won't change my opinions and beliefs of things.

eeee...i used the word 'beliefs'...eeee...i mean personal truths, not beliefs. now i feel all dirty. ick.

i've just begun, recently, to realize that there are mistakes that i have made over the past year or so regarding whom i've let close and whom i've released back into the world. no regrets, just lessons learned. or perhaps, lessons in the process of being learned.
i used to have a wall around me that protected me from the world, or more importantly, from people. somewhere along the way cracks appeared and began to grow, and eventually i ran out of mortar to patch it up with. however, i think i have found new supplies with which to build my wall and i'm beginning to, again, feel comfortable in that process of rebuilding.

i will be the first to say that i do not know what to believe in when it comes to fate and destiny versus making our own way, but i do know that mistakes do not happen for no reason at all.

=e