obligatory father's day post...

so today is father's day. i didn't even realize it til plans for tonight got cancelled because of it. it's not really something i consider a 'holiday', and thus, not something i put any thought into.
however, today i'm acknowledging the day in celebration of all the fathers out there that are not a complete waste of space, and actually try to fulfill their role in the lives of their children.

i get so infuriated with people around me who bitch about their dads. most, if not all, of my friends have fathers in their lives that are good people, and that are involved in the family dynamic. yes, they may screw up from time to time, and no they are not perfect, but these guys are at least trying, and they deserve to be appreciated.

the man responsible for having brought me into this world is not someone that i consider 'dad'. he is, unfortunately, my father, but by genetics alone. he was an abusive father and husband, a drunk, and a cold, emotionally unavailable heartless human being. i say was, but the truth is he could still be as he is still alive, i just haven't spoken a word to him in over two years...actualy closer to three. it's not that i have not made an attempt at speaking with him. i did in the beginning, but after all efforts were continuously ignored i finally just gave up. my mother and sister speak to him on occasion, but it is rare. he lives with his 'friend', who happens to be female, though he is still married to my mother, and lives probably no more than half an hour from me.
but it can't be all bad. he did help mold me into the person i am today. an overly-competitive, aggressive, critical girl with a tendancy for addictions and a raging short temper that few dare to test. he's also had a hand in my wonderfully low self-esteem by teaching me that all i am at my core, and all i have become to be is inherently wrong. go figure.

so, because those around me don't see the good fathers they have, i say happy fathers day for them. you're good men, and i appreciate who you are, and all of your efforts. happy fathers day.

=e