after contemplating everything over for the past couple of hours i'm still as lost, if not more so than ever.
it's now day ten of two thousand and seven and just about everything that has happened up to this point has sucked big time. there are those that believe in god and would say that this is just his way of testing me. then there are others who believe that this is a sign that the universe is trying to get me to do something completely different with my life. then you have the third party people who subscribe to karma and would say that i probably deserve everthing i'm getting.
so where do i fit in? well, i'm an eclectic mix of the three. i'm religiously agnositic, but don't rule out the possibility being of a god. i do tend to believe that the universe has it out for me, but i usually just mean it in that cynicle way of mine. and as for karma, i've definitely seen it come around and bite people in the ass. so i'm not discounting any of these possibilities. i just don't know where to go from here. do i take it as god testing me and push forward? do i take it as a sign from the universe and dump everything i've began and start from scratch? or do i take it as karma and tuck my tail between my legs accepting it for what it is because obviously i deserve it?
i don't know.
i feel like breaking the world. like destroying something beautiful. i feel like bringing a fury upon this world none the likes that it has ever seen before. a fury from the depths of hell. a fury that lives within my depths and scratches at the inner walls of my being to escape.
i feel like driving a million miles into nowhere. never to be heard from again. never to be seen. to be lost. lost from the world, from existense, from the memories of everyone.
people are untrustworthy. i was mistaken to trust anyone again.
to create. to destroy. the yin and the yang. constant struggle. creation is destruction. destruction is creation. anger is beautiful, as is the path it leaves in its wake.
where the hell is all this going? where?
broken. we're all just broken.
=e
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