something you should know about me...

the movie 'et' still makes me cry. why? who the hell knows, but watched it earlier, and turned back into my six year old self at the end...so sad and happy all at the same time. *sigh*

it's only 10:35 p.m. and i'm exhausted. why? i have absolutely no idea.
currently i'm in louisiana, sitting on a king size bed (fantastic) and struggling to keep my eyes open. the struggle will not continue much longer, but i felt like writing some before heading to bed.

today wasn't too bad. i left mississippi a day early because i just wasn't inspired to stay any longer. i thought stopping here in louisiana would re-inspire me, however i got stuck in a traffic jam on the way here, and lost all good light for shooting in. so i really haven't done much of anything since finally getting to my hotel. bleh.

luckily, i go home tomorrow. i think, no i know i'm ready for it. i still have around five hours of driving before i get there, but i'm hoping it goes smoothly.

alrighy, well i'm off to bed methinks. the earlier i go to sleep, the earlier i get up, and the earlier i get home and see rob and the kitties! yea!

xox,
=e

8 hours on the road less travelled brought me here...

so i've been in mississippi for less than 24 hours, and i have to say, i think i'm ready to go home. it's not so much the town or state, both of which are a bit backwards, but more or less the fact that i'm here by myself. i enjoy the time to myself, however it makes the whole experience a bit lonely and cumbersome. i think it will get better as i get out and explore a bit, but right now i'm still sitting in my hotel room.
currently, the plan is to see how today goes, and possibly bail on staying through sunday. if that ends up being the case, i will probably stop somewhere along the way back home to shoot some more. i dunno.
the thing is, it is perfect weather here for shooting. well, my kind of perfect weather. a bit wet, overcast, and not too warm or cold. argle bargle.

okay, well i'm going to figure out my plan for the day and head out. i should get going before the rain re-appears.

hope everyone has a great weekend.

=e

you know what's coming...

merry christmas everyone!
hope you all have a wonderful day filled with love, joy, and bunches of yumminess!

my day is already shaping up to be a good one with promising new starts. waking up with two warm and cuddling kitties wasn't half bad either ;)

much love and big hugs to the masses!

xox,
=e

i get three weeks off...w00t...

*yawn*

i love sleeping in. i love not having to do a damn thing. given, there's a lot of shit that i *should* be doing, but i don't really *have* to do any of it. it's a fantastic feeling.

the past couple of days have been a nice mix between complete laziness and absolute craziness, with neither being more or less enjoyable than the other.

today i plan on getting the last of my christmas gifts taken care of, meaning i have to finish a painting for my mom, and perhaps frame a couple of pictures for other various relatives. i also would like to get my christmas tree out of the garage and put up, as well as getting the stockings hung, but that's me being pretty ambitious. i know i'm going out with reardon tonight for sushi, so perhaps i can talk him into helping with decorating.

other than that, i don't really have much planned for the day. tomorrow will be full of gift wrapping, house cleaning, and finishing laundry, but i'm not going to stress over all that.

i leave on the 27th for my photography road trip. i decided on going to mississippi, and will be gone the 27th through the 30th. not very long, but a good little break from everything.

anyway, i should probably get my day going. i've been up for two hours, and am still in my pj's.
hope everyone has a wonderful christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate (or don't, for that matter). much love to everyone.

xoxox,
=e

ow...

this weekend was...well...eventful.

to top it all off... I GOT A CONCUSSION!!!

yeah. the rest of the weekend almost doesn't matter compared to that, so we'll just skip it for this post.

so now i'm just sitting at home with a headache that i've had for 24+ hours at this point, and i'm not looking forward to having to get up and go to work in the morning. having a concussion sucks, and really effects everything you do.

for instance, i'm having trouble concentrating on this, so i think i'm going to call it quits and head to bed.
have a great week all.

xox,
=e

where, oh where...

has my good mood gone?

right out the window, that's where! :P

i'm actually not in that bad of a mood, just more of floating right now. the semester is wrapping up, both for school and work (since i work for two schools), and things are slowing down which is a bit difficult for me to adjust to. i tend to work better under stress and craziness, and i have a hard time when there is little or nothing to do. i know...boo hoo, poor me.
on the other hand, there is some stuff that's got me down as of late.
holiday's are a bit tough for me. my family and i don't really get along, and it doesn't help matters that they are all strictly conservative, and i'm...well, i think we can safely say that i'm not. they don't really know me, or understand the parts of me they do know, and while i do understand them i mostly just disagree with their opinions (which offend me, both personally and in general more times than not). needless to say, i'm not necessarily looking forward to going home for the annual 'gang up on e' day, also known as christmas. oh well, we'll see i suppose.
alrighty, well enough bitching. we're off to go grocery shopping.

much love all!

=e

i think my ear has water in it...

i know, completely random...moving on...

i don't buy much in to astrology and horoscopes and whatnot. i read them for the entertainment factor as i suspect most people do. however today my horoscope said the following:

"Like most people, your brain works much better when it's stimulated by something new. Your sentimental feelings may keep you from getting things done. Remember the good times you have had in the past, but try not to dwell on them. It is time for you to move on."

this one actually strikes very true for me lately.
for the past few months the person i once called my best friend has been absent from my life. for the first little bit i was very upset about this, and felt that as though i had been abandoned by one of the only people i could trust in this world. however, as time has gone on, i have realized that perhaps it is for the better.
see, it goes like this:
i completely disagree with a lot of the choices and decisions she has made in her life over the past six to eight months, a lot of which have either directly or indirectly effected me in a negative manner. from her side of things she disagrees with my disapproval, and thinks that i am only being negative and stubborn regarding matters. i have tried on multiple occasions to explain my position, as well as having given her multiple opportunities to explain her thoughts and feelings.
in the end, i've realized that for the past three or four months my life has been drama free, and my mood has lifted exponentially. now, the turn in good mood is accounted for by many factors, however, not having to deal with drama on a daily basis sure hasn't hurt the process.
so, when i read my horoscope for the day, it made me realize that, while i do miss my friend, and wish things could return to way they once were, i have to move on with my life and continue making positive changes and progress for myself. it's good to cherish the good memories, but there is definitely enough bad blood there that i should, and can happily let go of.

it's as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

regarding other things, i would just like to point out that it is december second and it, at two in the afternoon it is currently 79 degrees outside.

alrighty, well i am off to enjoy my sunday. have a great week everyone!

much love
=e

the busiest time of the year...at least for me...

well, it's friday, though i'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad.

this week has been a tough one, but that was to be expected after having an entire week off. i've been so exhausted all week thanks to getting up early for work, dealing with holiday excited kiddos, and a ton of school work that needs to get done. then there's all the miscellaneous stuff that i need to get done for the holiday's and the everyday mumbo-jumbo of laundry, cleaning, and errands.

i'm beat.

i think, all in all, it's been a pretty productive week, and today especially. i've been working on my psychology essays, and have two complete, one brainstormed and outlined, leaving only two to really worry about. i did get my english paper rough draft done in time, and am now waiting to hear back from my professor on what i need to change or add. that leaves my art appreciation paper and presentation that is due next tuesday. luckily, it won't be hard at all as i chose a mark rothko painting to critique and present. i'm in the first group of presentors, and while that gives me an anxiety attack just thinking about it, it also means i only have to go to one more class and then i'm finished.

wow, that actually made me smile! :)

american gladiator update:
the other night i saw the first commercial for the new american gladiators show coming to nbc in january, and it made me absolutely giddy! you have to understand, i live for bad t.v.

other cool news:
i bought a new 35mm slr the other day. i didn't really need a new film camera, as rob bought me one two christmas' ago and i love it, but i had to buy it. it's a canon, which is awesome, but that's not the best part. the camera retails for over $200 new, but i only paid (drumroll please)....i only paid $50! and that's for both the body and lens! how could i pass that up? i have yet to shoot with it, though i know it works, but am hoping to get a chance to this weekend. maybe sunday since the weather is supposed to be so nice.

speaking of shooting, i need to start thinking about my picture for my christmas card this year. i finally got talked in to doing an annual christmas card, and since this will be the first i want it to rock. i want to keep it in my style of photography, which means it will probably end up being black and white, but i haven't gotten a real good idea on what i'm going to do just yet. i'll most likely shoot in color film, that way i have the option later on to keep it color or change it to b&w, and i know i'm probably going to go to the good ole g-ville to shoot it. we'll see, i've got a bit, so i'm not too stressed over it.

lastly, in sad news, the famed daredevil evel knievel died today at the age of 69. not that i was a huge fan or anything, but he definitely was an american icon, and though his death is sad loss, i am sure that he will continue to live on in american history and pop-culture.

hope everyone's week has been a good one, and try to enjoy your weekend's!

spread the love,
=e

my turkey week in review...

ah...thanksgiving week is coming to an end, and all too soon i might add.

the week has been filled with fair amounts of stress and relaxation (though i think stress was winning out earlier in the week). thanksgiving dinner was not nearly as scary to prepare and cook as everyone i spoke with seemed to make it. my turkey (marinated in an apple-honey marinade overnight, and regularly basted throughout the cooking) was quite the hit, and everything turned out to be quite delicious if i do say so myself (and i do!).

i think cleaning the house and preparing it for guests was probably the most stressful part of the week. i tend to try and over-do it when i'm expecting people in my home, and now that we've moved into this house, there's even more to clean and organize. by wednesday afternoon i had pretty much reconciled the fact that it was not all going to get done, and instead of worrying so much about it, went shopping!

having my mom and sister over was great, but it was not without drama. my family, confined in one area for any amount of prolonged time is an equation for drama. this year was my sister storming off and leaving, calling and hanging up, and then, for the finale, returning to consume dinner as if nothing had even happened. she does have a knack for it, though the story does include me as the protagonist. (who me?)

thursday night, after the dishes were done, and my mom was safely returned home, i was finally given the peace to open up my latest obsession -- rockband. the game is incredibly addictive, and consumed the rest of my thanksgiving night...well, and all of friday to be honest. with rob on guitar and me on drums, we're a fearsome duo rocking the world one difficulty level at a time. (coming soon straight from our living room to you!)

all in all is has been an awesome week. not having to work has been killer, and though i'm enjoying the 'no responsibility' part of it, it will be nice to get back to everything and finish up the semester. ah, but the week isn't over quite yet, is it? so what's in store for the weekend?

today will be filled, hopefully, with homework. since i have to write five essays for my psyc final and they're due in two weeks, i figure i should probably start on those. i also have a major essay due for my english class, with the rough draft being due next wednesday. so there's all of that. oh yeah, and i have an art appreciation test on tuesday, so i figure i may want to study a bit (though i haven't all semester and am passing with a solid 'a'). but no worries, today won't be all work and no play, as our friend sean is supposed to be coming over tonight for some drinking and jamming goodness. i promised to sing for him assuming the right amount of alcohol was consumed first.

as for tomorrow, i'm not sure what my plan is. i really want to get out and take pictures as i have been inspired by my creative bug lately, but without the time to dedicate to it. the weather is perfect for it, at least for me, and i won't get another good chance to for at least two or three weeks. we'll see. i may go out today as well, but now we're just talking crazy.

anyway...i hope everyone's turkey day was fantastically superb, and that you've all had a wonderful week as well. much love to the masses.

=e

is it sacreligious...

to use a pc mouse on my mac?

...i didn't think so, but thought i might ask.

anyway. moving on...

this week is just about over. i work tomorrow (easy) and then i'm off for an entire week! i *love* that. i do have to go to the lab monday and tuesday to sit around for a couple of hours, but i don't consider that work, and i can show up in my pj's without anyone caring (though, if you know me, you know that won't happen regardless). most of that time off will be spent cleaning and getting the house ready for thanksgiving so my mom actually has somewhere to sleep, and no one has to climb over boxes to get to the dining room table.

i've started formulating a photography project idea in my head. it's all i've been able to think about for a week or two now, and it's extremely inspiring. i haven't had the urge to pick up my camera in over six months, but i've been struck by motivation and inspiration and i'm loving every second of it. it sparkles with me. (sunshine!)

i got an email earlier today from my psych professor that nearly brought me to tears. she was replying to my post in our class discussion forum about loss. without going into the details of it, she was applauding my honesty and warmth on the topic and told me she was proud of me. i have never met this woman, as the course is online, but her email made me realize that the changes i have endured this year have all been worthwhile and not in vain. the anger i used as a shield is no longer needed, and who i really am is able to shine through now. i'm still scared, but i'm not allowing myself to use that fear as an excuse to turn everyone away and be the cold person i once was.

alrighty, anyway...enough of all the warm fuzzies about me. onto warm fuzzies about someone else. my friend had her surgery today, and from what i hear everything went swimmingly. my heart goes out to her and her family, as i know the next couple weeks are going to be tough, both physically and emotionally. she is an amazingly strong and wonderful person, but i can only imagine what it takes to be that brave every day. i love her dearly and will be keeping her in my thoughts, as i hope you all do.

well that's all i got for now. i've finished up my homework for the night and think i might go play some guitar hero iii to finish up the evening. either that or try and catch up on my episodes of ellen...i think i'm three behind now. hmm...we'll see. i've already beaten ghiii on easy, medium and with rob on co-op career mode, so i am a bit burnt out on it. however, rock band comes out this coming week!!! eeeeeeee :D so happy. also, the movie august rush comes out and i get to cook yumminess! man...this week is going to rock! :D alrighty...well, hope everyone has a terrific weekend and i'll update more soon.

much love with the x's and o's,
=e

you know what stress does...

...it makes you sick.

i didn't go to work this morning because i could barely talk, and i didn't want to chance getting my friend sick who's going into surgery tomorrow.
i did go to work this afternoon because i don't care if i get the children (sick since they are probably the ones that got me sick in the first place), and i knew it would be more stressful for them if i wasn't there. i'm so nice.

anyway. this shit had better pass by this weekend. i have too much to do and not enough time to do it already without having to worry about aches and fever. argle bargle.

i'm loving this colder weather, however! mmm...so fantastic. finally makes having a caramel apple cider from starbucks not sound insane.

okay, well i'm exhausted and achy so i'm heading to bed. hopefully the booger bear will come cuddle like she did last nite. so snuggly! :D
later!

=e

oh wow...

i'm a bit stressed...and when i say a bit, i mean a lot.

i just sat down and wrote out everything i have to do over the next month, and my head nearly exploded. a few things, like unpacking the house finally and shopping for and planning thanksgiving dinner have to be done in the next week. other things like christmas stuff (which involves a newsletter, cards and shopping), and school finals are a little further off, but still have to be tended to off and on now.

i found out the other day that my final for my online psychology class is going to consist of me having to write 5 essays, all of which have to be 300-500 words. i about had a heart-attack when i read that. not that it should be difficult by any means, but time consuming and stressful is an understatement.

i've been trying to get in touch with the transfer student advisor at the college i'm planning on transferring to in the fall, but to no avail. i still need to go sit down with one of the advisor's here and go over everything with them, but it seems as though i never have the time. i may not have 'a life' like other people seem to have, but the one i do have is busy and non-stop full throttle six-days a week, only slowing to a pace barely shy of hyper-active speed on sunday's.

the problem is, i'm a procrastinator. look at what i'm doing right now! i could be working on labs for my psyc class, or going over thanksgiving dinner recipes and menus, but no...i'm sitting here writing a blog about what i need to be doing instead of actually doing it. oy oy oy. well, i've always said i work better under pressure. let's hope that holds true for the next six weeks or so. :)

anyway. hope everyone is doing well. though i'm exhausted, i'm still doing fantastic, so i really can't complain :D have a great weekend!

xox,
=e

because it's funny...

i had an absolutely amazingly fantastic day! well...for the most part.

my day started off great. i was in a wonderful mood, the weather was nice, work at the lab was productive and things were just going great. i even made a starbucks run for all my co-workers at the school before heading to work, and the cute little 18 year old boy at the drive thru flirted with me. hehe...so funny.
anyway, so things were going fantastic, and i was driving to work with the radio on and the windows down. then it happened.

i got pulled over!

argh! i got two tickets...one for speeding, and one for not having a current insurance card in my car. the insurance card ticket will get dismissed if i bring in a current card within ten days. unfortunately i kind of have to grit my teeth on the other ticket since i just did defensive driving back in august for a different ticket.

oh well. it definitely didn't ruin my day, and the officer was extremely sweet and cool. the rest of my day was fantastic as well. work went well, but was exhausting, so i'm sitting here at home chilling. we have to go to the store later, but currently rob is conked out next to me with a mac-attack on his lap. it's really adorable.

hope everyone's week has been great, and have a great weekend! much love!

=e

what the bloody hell...

complaints: my back and hips are killing me, i need to finish my final draft of my argumentative essay, i have popcorn stuck in my teeth, and it's november 4th and 81 bloody degrees outside!

happy thoughts: i'm almost done with laundry, it's already november which means only one more month of the semester left, i got an extra hour of sleep thanks to the time change last night, i got paid by both jobs last week, i have a toothbrush and floss so i can take care of the popcorn in my teeth, and tonight we're going to go eat sushi with sean and his g/f and then we're all going to go see that darjeeling thingamabob movie.

other than that, there's not much else going on. if you were around me this past week you know that, mood wise, i was all over the place. it's all good, and i mean that. things in my life always happen for a reason, and they always have a way of working out for the better too.
what's great, though, is that even during the times when i was really depressed this past week, i was still able to function and get things done, as well as laugh and joke around with my friends and co-workers. dare i say that i'm coming closer to conquering my demons? a lot of it has to do with this year just being fucking crazy from the get-go, but i've changed a lot, and mainly for the better i believe. a lot of people around me have noticed and commented on it as well, which is always nice to hear. take ken, for example. he's an older student at the college, takes a lot of photo classes, and used to always be around. i met him last semester in the midst of the chaos that was my life at the time, and probably when i was at near peak of exploding. he and i got along okay, but there was always tension there. i hadn't seen him much this semester, but the few times i have we talked briefly and then he was on his way. well, he came in the other day and before he left he said, "ya know, i can't leave without saying that you seem a lot happier now, and i think that's great." it completely caught me off guard, and then he said, "yeah, because you just seem happier than you were then..." at which point he caught himself and said, "you know, whenever 'then' was..." to which we both just kind of laughed and then he left. it was probably the highlight of my week.

anyway. enough with all that greatness. i've gotta figure what i'm gonna wear and then maybe work on my essay a bit before we head out. i'm so excited about the upcoming raw fish consumption...mmmmm...so yummy!!!
hope everyone had a great weekend and remembered to set their clocks back an hour!

much love,
=e

there are two things i should never do...

...find someone attractive, and take darvocet.

neither leave me feeling very good in the morning.

=e

goodness gracious...

my allergies can go suck a fuck! argh!

anyway.

i'm beat. i don't know if it's just because i was on the go all weekend, or because i've got a lot on my mind lately, but i am just exhausted. luckily, my stint of insomnia has passed and i've been able to get some real sleep the past few nights without resorting to medication.

guitar hero III came out yesterday.

the upside: so far it has a good assortment of songs and venues. Also, new bitchin' guitar with detachable neck.

the downside: harmonix didn't make this one because they're working on rock band, and within the first five minutes of playing GH III, it crashed once and tried to crash two more times. Also, the graphics are shit, the interface is not as good as it could be, and there is lag between the audio and video that none of the previous games had.

oh well, it's all good. i'm still able to rock out and kick everyone's ass which is all that really matters.

i just got done working on the rough draft of that stupid essay for my english class. i ended up doing it over violence in video games, arguing that violence in video games does not cause violence in adolesents and teens. woopdy-doo. feel my excitement? yeah...thought so.

anyway. i think i'm going to go take a bath and then play some guitar hero goodness. later all.

rock on leaping frog!
=e ;)

donuts, coffee and developer...yum yum...

i find people who make the same mistakes over and over again quite amusing and entertaining, to say the least. especially when their f*ck-ups don't directly effect my life. like when someone is in a relationship with a girl/guy that they realize they can't stand, so they end up breaking up or divorcing, only for that person to then jump into a relationship with someone just like the one they left. what's great is when they don't even realize that they're dating their ex's proverbial twin - both physically and psychologically.

good times, good times...

anyway, not that any of that will make sense to any of you, but it makes me smile nonetheless.

so i'm at work here in the photo lab, and surprisingly i'm not completely bored to tears. i have a paper to write today, just a rough draft of an argumentative essay (which, if you know me, should be nothing less than a walk in the park for me to complete), i have to go post a comment on the discussion board for my psyc class, i need to go over lesson plans for next week for the kiddos, work on my drawing for a bit, and then after work i'm going shopping!

tomorrow will be a full day as well. i've gotta get up early and mow the lawn, then we're going to ikea to pick up the christmas present my mommy is buying us (a sweet large free-standing island for our kitchen), then we're going to gamestop to pick up guitar hero III, and pre-order rock band for the 360 which comes out in november. sometime before, during, or after all of that we're gonna go see 'dan in real life' because i've been dying to see it and all of it's reviews have been superb.

oh yeah, update on the cello situation...
i went a looking on the internet for cello's, and i have since narrowed it down to three that i want and can afford. the ones i'm looking at range in price from $380 to $450, though i'm leaning toward to higher end of the price range because those come with more accessories. i've gotten the info of a really good private lesson teacher in the area (she not only teaches music full time through the public schools, but also does lessons and plays professionally in the orchestra), and once i've secured my instrument i will be contacting her to set something up. i'm really excited about it! it will probably be december before anything more truly comes of it seeing as how i am swamped with work and school right now.

okay, well this post has turned out to be much longer than i originally planned on it being. i'm about to have to go kick brian out of the studio (sorry brian! :) and soon after that others should be showing up. plus, i've gotta pick a topic for my argumentative essay. i was thinking same-sex marriage, but the paper is only supposed to be 3-5 pages long, so i'm going to have to come up with something that i don't care as much about. hmmm...i dunno...guess i should go figure that out.

have a great weekend everyone!

=e

8 miles high and 3 hours til landing...

i...am...so...tired...

this week was odd, for lack of a better adjective. no...i think odd actually just about sums it up. at the first of the week i felt like it was never going to end, then by wednesday things took off and never slowed down. can't complain though...i'm still alive, i got paid, and i have a full tummy. works for me.

i've decided i'm going to learn to play the cello. there are two problems with this:
1. i don't own a cello
2. i don't even know where to begin when buying a cello
both of those are easily solved, however i....

wow...okay, serious des ja vou, or however the fuck you spell it. that's been happening a lot lately. and now i can't remember where i was going with that statement, so moving on.

nothing new going on really. i'm finally going to g-town tomorrow to take my mom out for her birthday that was at the beginning of the month. i still need to unpack boxes and get shit organized, but that requires energy, and these days i'm definitely lacking in that department.

well, methinks i will have a drinky-drink and play some PGR 4 goodness. night.

=e

it's a cleansing process...

so it's been awhile since i've posted anything mainly because i have just been worn out from working two jobs, getting school work done, and moving. sunday's are the only day i get off, and i usually spend that time catching up on sleep and getting ahead on my homework.

so with all of that said, what is there to talk about and update on?

well, this past week we moved into a house, which is so amazing. it's 1800+ square feet of wonderful space with a two car garage and a fenced in backyard. fantastic!

i'm still loving both of my jobs, though they can both be stressful in their own ways at times. working with the kids has truly been a more than positive experience. i have so much more patience with people, which has come in handy working in the photo lab as well, though i will admit that that patience can still run out at the drop of a hat. school is chugging along, and since the majority of my classes are online i don't have to worry about sitting through a boring class or having a bad professor to deal with.

so that's what's going on in my life. as for everything else, there are two things i'm really excited about. in no particular order:

1. American Gladiators is returning to primetime television! w00t! haha, okay, so it's not ground-breaking news or anything, but it's fun silly-ness.
2. (and this one i really am excited about) superman 2 - the man of steel, which was to be the next installment of the brian singer debaucle, has been put on the backburner and delayed in lieu of the movie, 'justice league of america'. why does this rock? becuase singer is not a part of the justice league movie, and by the time warner bros. gets back around to doing the superman movie he will hopefully be busy with another project and unable to work on it. let's keep our fingers crossed anyway.

okay, well that's all the updating i'm up for right now, so i'm gonna go bug rob about dinner. he was awesome enough to go to fort worth with me today to the modern art museum after moving all weekend, so i promised to treat him to whatever he wanted for din-din. anyway...later all!

=e

i don't have much time, but...

i thought that i should take a minute to point something out.

humberto, upgraded to a hurricane, hit southeast texas this morning, and statements like 'humerto caught us off guard' are already being made.
now it's been down-graded to a tropical storm, but is currently heading into louisiana with no signs of slowing down.

is this reminiscent to anyone else?? i'm just saying...

...*maybe* mother-nature is trying to tell us something.

just a thought. now i'm off to work. later!

=e

rain falls, spirits lift, and mac is snoring away...

it's raining. i *love* rain. it puts me in such a good mood. unfortunately, i'm still sick, so i can't fully enjoy the day, but nonetheless i'm feeling rather at peace.

so why do i love the rain? why is it that the one side of nature that depresses most people actually lift my spirits?

i love the smell of rain in the air before the first drop ever falls. i love waking up on a rainy day, cozy and wrapped up in my blankets in bed with the damp cold air making it even colder in my room. i love sitting in a dark room with just a window open because the light is dim even at noon. i love sitting here on the couch, or in my room on the recliner, with a warm mug of chai as i sit here typing away with the rain as my background music.
then there are the two things i love most about rain. the first being that it cools everything off. i know that i will get to wear long sleeves today, and that makes me so happy. something about the coziness of even a light weight long-sleeved shirt makes me absolutely giddy.
the other thing i love is how everything looks after a good rain. it's the artist in me. colors pop, and everything looks and feels more alive after the rain has finally dwindled, but before the sun returns. even once the sun does shine through the dark sky, everything just takes on a whole new life, and i want to capture it all and soak it in for as long as possible.

on the more, er, perhaps unbelievable side of it all, i am a pisces true and true. water always has a tendancy to make me feel better, so it's no surprise that the rain lifts me up, rather than depressing me. regardless of why, i think i shall go use this time of inspiration wisely and get some homework done, and then maybe work on a painting. it's going to be tough, though, as i have two very cuddly kitties on me, who also love rainy days.

much love to all,
=e

a simple solution...

so what do you do when rocks are uber-boring, and being sick sucks? well...i can't really help with the part about the rocks because let's face it, they are boring. however, as for the sick part, i've decided to ignore it.
that isn't to say that i'm trying to say i'm not sick...no, that would be denial, and there's a big difference between denying something and ignoring it.
what i'm doing is saying, okay, so i'm sick, and being sick really does suck, so instead of dwelling on how much it sucks, i'm just going to ignore it. it's like when you get a papercut and it doesn't hurt until you notice it. once you've noticed this small annoying little cut on your hand, it immediately starts burning and hurting, and becomes all you can think about. but if you hadn't noticed it, or just ignored it once you did notice it, you wouldn't be in so much pain. so that's the idea. i am aware that i'm sick, but i don't want to feel sick, so i'm ignoring that i am sick in order to get stuff done and do what i want to do.

anyway. i'm going to go buy some shoes today because that's what i feel like doing. then i've gotta come home and do some english homework and some psychology death and dying homework. both are online, so it's not a big deal, just a bit time consuming.

so i'm off. enjoy you're weekend everyone.

=e

rocks are boring and being sick sucks...

so i'm sick. the first few days i have off are because i'm not allowed to go to work or class.

work is going good...both jobs actually. class is good too, but geology is a complete bore. it's all keeping me extremely busy, and i only get one full day off a week, but i think it will all be okay. at least, once i get over this sick crap.

anyway. rob's at movie night, and i'm sitting here watching a fag flick so i'm gonna go.

have a good weekend all.

=e

imagine me & you...

or better yet, don't.
watched 'gray matters' tonight. really good movie, and very honest in the emotional sense.

argh.

the downside is, i'm in a mood now.

word of advice:
never watch a movie that will make you lonely when you're already alone.

so...what now?
i guess bed. conflict sucks.

night all.
=e

anyway...

rob left at 5a.m. this morning to catch a flight to indiana. he's gone til next tuesday.
this means that i have the entire apartment to myself for five full days, well, aside from having to share it with the kitties. this also means that i have to find some way of entertaining myself for the next five days.
normally i don't mind a bit of alone time to get stuff done and relax, but with meetings today and tomorrow, and then school starting next monday along with work, i'm a bit stressed, and feeling a bit lonely.
anyway, i've got get started on my day. catch y'all later.

xox,
=e

every monkey has a butt...

the past two weeks have probably been the most stressful time of the entire summer for me. week before last i was dealing with summer semester finals and presentations, then last week was 'job search marathon 2007', and while the stress of actually finding a job was quickly taken care of, i then had the stress of paperwork and training sessions to deal with.

so, with all the craziness that's been going on this past weekend was mostly about me trying to get some good, uninterrupted sleep and taking my mind off everything i'm going to be responsible for this upcoming semester. thoughts and worries seem to pop up out of nowhere, like how i'm going to be responsible for 17 little kids at my new job; how i'm going to be taking a full load this semester and wondering if i'm actually going to be able to keep up with everything. so with all of that, sleep has been something that's eluded me for awhile now. with so much going on it can sometimes be very difficult for me to get my brain to shut off at the same time my body wants to, so it was nice to finally have a few days where i didn't have to worry about setting my alarm.

so, friday night rob and i took advantage of tax-free weekend and jaunted down to wal-mart for a bit of late night shopping. i got some great deals on some nice shirts, and we picked up a few things for the house. saturday we really didn't do much of anything for a good portion of the day. we did go out driving around to look at houses late that afternoon. then yesterday i drove to my mom's to hang out with her and, again, go shopping while the deals were hot. all in all it was a good weekend, though i am still pretty exhausted. luckily, i have the next few days to relax and get some things around the house done before the madness starts back up again.

well, it's lunch time and i'm starving, so i'm off to get some food! hope everyone has a great week. later!

=e

sometimes it's just better to let the wookie win...

...and i'm that wookie!

anyway.

i got a lot accomplished today and i'm very proud of myself. i got my resume all finalized and stuff, did some online job searching, emailed and faxed a few leads, and got an interview for tomorrow. all in all it was a productive day. my goal is to have something nailed down by the end of the week, but i'm not going to push too hard on that. i want things to come when they come, and not force anything. i don't want any unneccesary stress on top of things right now.

today was one of those days that i definitely felt my age, or older. when i get in the mood of getting things done and being responsible i tend to carry myself and act a lot different from my normal day to day shuffle. i tend to act older most of the time regardless of what i'm doing or who i'm with, however i guess you could say i become more professional when taking on tasks i feel are important. it's kind of funny because i walk completely different and when i talk with someone i'm very outspoken and use my 'retail voice'.

well rob brought home PGR3, so i need to go get my race on for a bit. i have a long day tomorrow methinks, but i can't pass up the opportunity to leave rob in the dust a bit ;)

night all.

xox
=e

freedom is exhilirating...

it's saturday afternoon, and i've been up since 8a.m.
i was supposed to go to a defensive driving course today with reardon, but alas, that fell through...again. that's okay though, not harm no foul. i just need to get it done this week, so i'll probably go ahead and do it online.
so instead of that, i went out and bought donuts and croissants for breakfast for rob and me. it was nice to be up early and out of the apartment by myself for a few. and, although it was already over 90 degrees outside, it was an absolutely beautiful morning. however, there was an unusual amount of cops out patrolling this morning as well. i think my last count was ten, but i could be off by one or two. it was a bit ridiculous.
aside from all that, i think the rest of today will be somewhat productive but not too ambitious. i need to work on my resume some, as well as do some chores around the house, but nothing too iminent. i'm already doing the dishes, so i may just clean my bathroom and call it a day.
ah yes, also this morning i got rob to be adventurous. he is now sporting purple tinted hair, and it's adorable. he was all for it, which amazed me, but i wasn't about to pass up the opportunity for him to be silly. you can't really tell it's purple unless you see it in the right light, but it's cool all the same. i'll try and get pictures soon, especially since it's just temporary dye that will probably come out by the end of next week. simple fun is still fun, and that's all that matters really. :D
okie dokie, well i'm off. rob just hooked up his newest toy, the xbox 360, so i need to go school him in some PGR2 lovin'.
have a great weekend all. til next time...

much love,
=e

looooong week at its end...

got a 97 on my paper and presentation...i fucking rule. awwww yeah.
our final was today, and i don't think i did real great on that, but i should pass the class all the same, and in reality that's all that matters.

now i get two full weeks off plus a couple days with which to recoop, relax, and, the not so fun part, find a job. that shouldn't be too hard. i always find something when i'm in need of it, it's just finding something that will work well for me. the schedule i have for the fall allows for me to find something that i can work days, and hopefully not have to work weekends. i purposefully am taking all night and online courses for that exact reason, so hopefully it will work out that way.
originally i romanced the idea of going back to work at the college photo lab, but then i realized that that might not be the best of places for me to work anymore. i need to start venturing out and pushing myself out of my comfort zone more. plus, they pay shit.

anyway. i'm exhausted after a week long anxiety attack, so i think i may go take a nap with the kitties before heading to kickboxing class. later all.

xox,
=e

just like turkey...

it's 11p.m. and i'm done. my paper had to be a minimum of 5 pages; it's 12 full pages minus the title page, citation and reference pages; it's 20 if you add those in. so i'm done. i don't care if not all the footnoting is perfect, or if there's a misspelled word or two. i just don't care. i'm done.

with that being said, i should probably start on my powerpoint. i think it's due tomorrow too, but only if i have to give my presentation then. i'm thinking i'll hold off on giving it until tuesday. all the same, i should probably throw something together just in case.

there are times when completing something like this would give me that satisfactory feeling that i've done something worthwhile. this time it's just made me feel strung out. just four more days and then i get two weeks off. thank goodness.

okay, well powerpoint time it is. have a great week everyone.

xox,
=e

you know the nazi's had flare, they made the jews wear...

i hate politics. more so, i hate writing about politics. alas, that's all i've been doing for the past few days as i try to get through this damn paper for my government class. of course, once i'm done writing it, i get to then make a wonderful powerpoint presentation and speech outline so i can stand in front of all my little classmates and explain to them that homosexuals aren't evil and human rights mean for *all* humans, not just republicans. well, that's what it should be. what it will be is a waste of my breath for five minutes and an unnecessary anxiety attack.

can you feel my excitement?

anyway.

i will probably be up the rest of the night working on this shit, so i should get back to it i guess. coffee is fantastic. sleep would be even better though.
hope everyone's weekend is super-dee-duper.

much love,
=e

oh...wow...

i have no words to describe the following, but felt the need to share:

""The state law of Texas only recognizes a marriage between a man and a woman, and I support that," said Chris Stevens, chairman of the Galveston County Republican Party. "I don't necessarily think they should be put in prison for [homosexual acts], but I don't think it should be a state-sanctioned activity."

Stevens cited the example of the fall of ancient Rome, which he says acknowledged homosexuality as legitimate. Although there was not just one single reason for the fall of the Roman democracy, homosexual unions may have been a contributing factor, he said."

that's part of an article that you can read here:
http://media.www.dailytexanonline.com/media/storage/paper410/news/2004/06/04/TopStories/Some-Say.Gops.Gay.Marriage.Stance.Alienates.Supporters-684513.shtml

are people really this ignorant? really?!

okay, anyway. i have to get back to writing my paper, but came across that and was just astonished. i'll update later.

xox
=e

a lot of nothing important...

so, now it's august...and i'm not real sure where july went, but i think some of my motivation must have gone with it.

i'm still getting stuff done, and things are still good, just at a much slower pace. i dunno, lately i've just been very drained of energy which makes getting stuff done a bit more of a chore.

the pressures of needing to find a job are not helping i'm sure. i don't *have* to get a job technically, but i feel obliged to. i hate depending on someone for everything, and especially when it starts adding up over time. i've got three weeks before the fall semester starts, and only another week of summer II, so i have plenty of time to find something in reality. i just want to get it taken care of so i don't stress over it anymore.

white russians are so incredibly yummy-rific. mmmmm...fantastic. okay, well i'm going to work on my resume and then hit the bed methinks. have a great rest of the week everyone, and i'll try to as well!

much love,
=e

gay i'm not...

this is fantastic...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCxDZRJKkqY

the bridges we cross...

the past few days have been all over the place. i've had a lot going on, both in life and personally, and i realized last night that i was beyond stressed and just kind of going from one thing to the next with very little thought or consideration to the things going on around me.

last night i seemed to come to a place that i have not been in a some time now. i'm very content with my life right now, and i only see things moving forward and becoming whatever they are going to become. i've been here for awhile now, i just didn't realize it til last night when i actually had the time to breathe and ponder.

there is so much i want to do with my life, and i can do it all. the tough part is finding a way, but it doesn't make it impossible. no, that's just life. if you don't have to work for it, then it probably isn't worth it, and i want my life to be worth something. it doesn't mean i will never have to fight my own demons again or that i won't feel discouraged and even defeated at times. no, this isn't the 'fix' i've been searching for. this just means that i have come to a place where i'm going to live my life and create the things i want to create either in spite of those times, or inspired by those times. either way, though, i'm done being stuck.

xoxox
=e

i have a new love...

turkey dogs. they're so gooooooooooood!
i know, completely random.

anyway.

i'm so exhausted today for some reason. i ended up going to bed fairly early (for me) last night, and woke up later than normal but i'm dragging. i was having such a hard time staying awake in class this morning, and then i came home and crashed out for a bit.

well, i should go work on my paper and do some reading before i go to kickboxing. later!

=e

for best results, stick it in the fridge...

vitamin water has instructions...yeah...

today was a good day. class this morning was cancelled, so after staying up really late working on that paper and then getting up really early to head to the school and print it out, i ended up getting the entire morning off. it was a really nice surprise, and i took full advantage of the unexpected abundance of time i found on my hands. i went and got the oil changed in my car, finally, and then ran a couple of miscellaneous errands. i also finally got signed up for defensive driving for this saturday. sean talked me into taking one of those stupid lunch courses with him since he needs to do it also. i left the decision of which one to take up to him, and now i'm regretting that decision oh so much. he's decided to torture me with the 'comedy' lunch defensive driving course. oh goody. so from 10-4 this saturday, i will be sitting in a resturaunt with his punk ass, learning all the wonderful rules of the road us little good children are supposed to abide by. i'm thrilled... :P

i should probably be working on that paper some more, but i am so exhausted right now. a bit part of me just wants to shut down now and call it a night, but then there's the responsible adult in me that knows i can't do that.

unfortunately my friend with cancer starts chemo this week. major suckage on the one hand, but i'm glad (and so is she) that things are at least advancing and she's not just having to wait around wondering what's going to happen and when. the faster this shit gets taken care of the better. she's too young to be dealing with all of this in the first place.

*sigh*...ok, well i need to get some stuff done and try to head to bed early. i have class in the morning and kickboxing tomorrow night, maybe followed by movie night so i can't be dragging my ass tomorrow. have a great week all!

xox
=e

in a shade painted green...

sunday's typically get the best of me. i think it's because i do everything i need to do the rest of the week, so when sunday comes around, i've run out of things to do and get bored and lazy. rob typically uses sunday's to get some of his own stuff done, and the kitties usually sleep all day, leaving me to find my own means of entertainment. sometimes that's painting or cleaning, or just chilling out playing video games, but today has been pretty slow and unproductive.

so far today i have almost completed the hard stage of guitar hero I and II, as well as sorted through and organized the mass of photos i've had laying around for a few months. i guess that's productive in some sense, so i can't really feel too badly about that. :)

i still need to do some studying for my gov. II class and begin writing my paper also. i have to pick a position on two social issues and two economic issues and then figure out which political party i identify the most with. *yaaawn* we chose our topics last thursday and i went with energy and transportation issues for economic, and human rights and homosexuality/gay marriage for social issues. easy enough. now it's just finding the motivation to actually write the shit out. i figure that will come around 1 a.m. tonight or so.

as for the rest of my life, not much is happening really. i'm registered for all my fall courses which ended up being 13 hours worth. two of my courses are online though, so it should be easy. plus, i only actually go to class monday thru wednesday, so i get a four day weekend which kicks ass. and those classes are all evening courses too which will make getting a job a hell of a lot easier. i'm still going to do the substituting thing, assuming i get all the paperwork finished up and turned in, but i think i'll probably go ahead and look for something a bit more concrete. we'll see, i may just try and take it easy this semester so i can get finished up and look at transferring in the spring.
i'm still in debate on where that's actually going to be to though. i have it narrowed down to two schools: TAMU-C and TWU. both are good schools, and both have their advantages and draw-backs.

TAMU-C means that i would move into my own house in greenville, thus not having to pay rent or anything, and being able to live alone and have pets. however, that means living in greenville, and probably having to work there too...ick. plus, TAMU-C is a fairly large school, and i don't really like the campus. not to mention, what i wouldn't be paying in rent would end up being spent on gas since the school is actually thirty minutes outside of greenville.

on the other hand, TWU is a much smaller campus and the class sizes are comparable to those i have at quad-C. it also will accept all of my credits, i believe, and has a good reputation for education and art majors. it's a nice diverse school. however, the problem there is that it's about 45 minutes to an hour from where i currently live, which means i would most likely have to move closer, or bite the bullet and make the drive a couple times a week. neither really sounds appealing, but both beat living in greenville in my opinion. :)

anyway...just thinking out loud. i've got a month or so to figure it out, so no worries. i think i'm going to go heat up some queso and enjoy that while i play some guitar hero for a bit. have a great week!

xox,
=e

*****on a side note, the band nickel creek is cool, or at least what i've heard is good. so are the good luck joes.*****

time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go...

yesterday i actually had a fairly busy and productive day, aside from the fact that i was so sore, and had a knot in my right calf that made walking something of a task.
the day started off with me getting up at 8:15a.m. in order to make it the movie theater early enough to stand in line and see the new harry potter movie with a couple of friends. luckily it wasn't too crowded and the movie was actually pretty good, though it was a bit long. it was definitely better than the last one which i felt was just too choppy and thrown together feeling.
anyway, after that i went to have lunch with rob, deposit a check, and buy shoes that are more suitable kickboxing class. with all of that accomplished i came home and went to the apartment office to talk to the manager about the leak in our roof and the issue with people still being at the pool at 1a.m. also, i had to pick up my package i was expecting that had my new seamless piercing rings in it. i've now gauged my nose and cartiledge piercings from a 16g down to an 18g. kind of sad about the nose being gauged down, but it makes it a heck of a lot easier to find clear retainers so i can hide it for a job better. the seamless rings are cool, as long as you get them pressed back together tightly. otherwise they have a tendancy to catch inside the piercing hole and that can kind of hurt.
as for today, i was good and went to class this morning. seems as though i didn't really miss much yesterday anyway, and what i did miss, i was able to bullshit my way through and came out sounding smart anyway. oh yeah...i'm awesome.
now i'm just doing laundry and reading over some stuff for class before i go to my kickboxing class tonight. that knot is still in my calf and hurting like a motivator, but i'm going to go to at least get a bit of a work out. plus it will probably help stretch the muscle out and relax it a bit. let's hope at least.
i think i may go take a nap now, however, and stop this rambling. hope your week is going as well as mine!

much love,
=e

kickboxing is awesome, but...

it's only 12:30a.m. and i'm tuckered out. i don't think i've been to bed this early in quite awhile. however, to bed i must go.
getting up early to see the new harry potter movie, and i have a feeling i'm going to be moving a bit slow tomorrow. so i think i could probably use all the sleep i can get. with that said...night!

=e

whew...

you know when you were a kid and something so great would happen that you could hardly contain yourself? that's how i feel right now...more on that another time though.
currently, though, i'm about to head to the apple store clear across town so i can pick up my replacement battery for my macbook pro. since i bought it in february it came with one of the defective batteries, and of course when i went to get it swapped last week they didn't bother to check ahead of time to see if they actually had any in stock. they are called apple 'genius' right? right...
anyway. so off to do that, then go up to the photo lab to see kelley and make sure she's still doing ok, maybe make some contact sheets while i'm there, and then to kickboxing class. tonight's the first night of class, so i'm really excited and a bit anxious. which reminds me i need to run to the atm while i'm out so i can pay the instructor for the gloves, wraps and mouthguard.
i'm having a really good day. i know shit has been up and down a lot lately, but overall life is fantastic, and it's all gonna work itself out.

we are lost 'til we are found...

argh...my last day of freedom...gone. how very sad.
tomorrow, or technically later today, i start my summer II course in texas government. i'm overwhelmed with joy, can't you tell?
...yeah...
anyway.
yesterday rob and i finally got to go out and play catch for a bit. it was fun, but the humidity meant we were extremely exhausted and sweaty by the end of it. of course we're both sore today too, but it was fun all the same. afterwards we had the best burgers and it was a nice finish to a good afternoon.

other than that, not much else is going on. i'm stressing over which online english course to take. ya know, that's a really big downside to being afflicted with borderline personality disorder. you give me more than two options and i'm screwed. i have to over-analyze and over-complicate every decision making sure i know every intricate detail of every possible option, and make sure that i'm making the right decision. even then it's very unlikely that i will get a decision made until the last second, and when i do finally make my decision it's not based on any information, but rather on gut instinct.
hell, sometimes even two options is too many.
there comes a time in one's life when you have to admit that you are, at least, just a little bit crazy, and i, my friends, am just a little bit crazy.

with all of that said, i think i should log off now. i doubt it will be to sleep, but who knows. i suppose there's always a chance.
night all.

=e

and now, a song...

"C'mon" by the GoStation

Do you love to love the night life
Wish under the stars
I know the place to be

And you can dance til your feet are sore
And drink til you're lovin some more
Wear your heart on your sleeve

Go on and bite your nails
With ladies who lunch on weekdays
Swallow what you want to say

Won't you take off all those clothes
Throw away what's old
And do a little living in the rain

Soaking up the tears around you
Wishing for another dream
While the flash bulbs paint your skies

All these streets are turning their backs
You think you're at your last chance
To jump and see if you can fly

Where you are is nowhere
The people always know your name
And it's hard to shrug that off

Won't you take off all those clothes
Throw away what's old
And do a little living in the rain
So you can pass out on your shores
Blow away the smoke
And feel a little more than useless pain
The sidewalks of the city are too insane

So c'mon...

Won't you take off all those clothes
Throw away what's old
And do a little living in the rain
So you can pass out on your shores
Blow away the smoke
And feel a little more than useless pain
The sidewalks of the city are too insane

have i mentioned that...

i absolutely hate the fourth of july? because i do...a lot. not because of what it stands for, but because of all the noise and idiots that feel the need to make their presence known. really...i could do without it.

then again, i could do without a lot, so i guess that's not really saying much.

anyway.

my plans for tonight? well it's already 11p.m. and i just got done watching the movie 'constantine' with rob while the kitties ran around having little heart-attacks due to all the firework booms surrounding the area. we made pasta for dinner and it was quite fantastic, and currently rob is cleaning up the kitchen, and i'm in here doing this and listening to good music. (gary jules atm)

from here i will probably proceed to get drunk, play some guitar hero, perhaps work on a painting, and, if i'm lucky, passing out some time around 3a.m.

and why am i not out and about on this "joyous" day of celebration? why am i not hanging with friends or family? well, for starters i wasn't really invited to anything, not that i would have gone anyway, but it would be nice to be asked once in awhile. aside from that, my relationships with the people in my life that actually are doing stuff are currently being re-evaluated. call it the loner or hermit in me, or hell, you can even call me a prude. doesn't make much difference to me, and won't change my opinions and beliefs of things.

eeee...i used the word 'beliefs'...eeee...i mean personal truths, not beliefs. now i feel all dirty. ick.

i've just begun, recently, to realize that there are mistakes that i have made over the past year or so regarding whom i've let close and whom i've released back into the world. no regrets, just lessons learned. or perhaps, lessons in the process of being learned.
i used to have a wall around me that protected me from the world, or more importantly, from people. somewhere along the way cracks appeared and began to grow, and eventually i ran out of mortar to patch it up with. however, i think i have found new supplies with which to build my wall and i'm beginning to, again, feel comfortable in that process of rebuilding.

i will be the first to say that i do not know what to believe in when it comes to fate and destiny versus making our own way, but i do know that mistakes do not happen for no reason at all.

=e

happy dance postponed due to continuous rainfall...

well, not much is goin on really.
i think i've been stressing about a lot of stuff lately, but just pushing it all down and ignoring it. my stomach has been killing me the past couple of days, so either it's stress or my appendix burst, and i already had the appendix thing taken care of, so...yeah...

anyway. i'm working on a couple of paintings, so that's helping a bit to chill me out. i just don't know what i'm stressing over. there's a lot of stuff going on right now and coming up in the next week or so, but i didn't think it was really on my mind that much. oh well...not much i can do about it really. kickboxing next week should start helping with getting stress out, so that's good.

in other news...well, there really isn't any other news, so i guess i'm gonna call it good for now.

later.

=e

my last week of freedom...

so today starts my very last week of having nothing to do before my summer II semester begins, as well as my kickboxing class. now that i'm finally signed up for it, i'm really looking forward to it. i think i made the right decision in doing it by myself and not having a friend do it with me. i think i'll probably get more out of it this way.

i've been in a very sports oriented mood lately. i pulled out my soccer ball today only to find that it was pretty much flat. so i went to walmart and bought a pump and put air in it. of course everywhere i could go play is completely flooded at this point, so there really wasn't any sense in doing it. i just really want to go out and play catch or kick the ball around. i want to spend time outside with someone who isn't going to die running around and playing with me.

fuck i miss being a kid.

this past week has been interesting to say the least. i mentioned in my last post that there was something i couldn't mention yet, however i think that it's okay now if i do. i found out last week that one of my good good friends has breast cancer. it was one of those things that completely catches you off-guard even if you knew there was a chance of it happening. i haven't been real emotional over the whole thing, partly because i'm usually the rock that my friends can depend on, and also because i honestly feel and believe that everything is going to be okay. i know it's going to suck for her getting to that okay point, but she'll get there, and she has a huge support system to lean on in the process.

in other news...i absolutely hate the fourth of july, and the days surrounding it. i am so sick of hearing fireworks and dealing with crowds of dumber than average people. i will be so glad when this holiday passes.

tomorrow i need to go to a different college and sign up for an online english course that i can't take at my school thanks to the repeat rule. it's not that i've failed it before or anything, i just dropped it twice before which makes it unavailable for me to take a third time. so aggravating! other than that, i can't say that i have too many plans for the week. then again, that's the way i think it should be.

alrighty, well i'm off. i think i'm going to play some guitar hero II and have a drink before heading to bed. have a great week all. much love.

=e

stonewall e...

a lot of stuff has happened lately that has made me really stop and think and, most unfortunately, feel.

i'm not very accustomed to feeling.

i am, and have always been, the strong person. for my friends, my family, and most of all, for myself. i'm the person that everyone can count on not to freak out, or break down when something happens, big or small. i've dealt with a lot in my life, and so nothing really phases me. i take things for what they are, and move forward from there, usually being the voice of reason and comfort, as well as the ear of understanding. it's something i look at as being my job, and i'm damn good at it.

none of that is to say that i never have my moments of 'oh fuck'. i am human afterall. i just seem to have fewer than most people tend to have. things that people around me see as big deals, or crises or what have you, i see completely differently.

with all of that said, there have been two big things lately that have weakened that outter stone wall i have so meticulously built. the first was the double-murder/suicide involving wrestler chris benoit. not knowing the guy on any level aside from being a fan of his work, i was not really personally invested in his life, or death. however, the circumstances of the tragedy have really had an impact on how i view things and people right now. it's hard to explain clearly why and how it has effected me, but i just can't stop thinking about it.
the other thing i am not currently obliged to talk about, at least not yet, but it has definitely brought down a stone or two, or ten. more on that when i have the okay to talk about it. til then, i have to throw a bit of spackle up and hope it hardens in time for the next blow, whenever and whatever that may be.

anyway. i need to go fill out an application for substituting so i can go deliver that tomorrow. i'm also signing up for my kickboxing class as well. i finally just talked myself into doing it alone. i think it will be really good for me to do something like that without having to make someone do it with me. i can't just keep letting fear hold me back. so this is one small step in doing something about it...in a major kick ass kind of way :)

if your world starts falling apart around you, invest in a really big umbrella.

=e

it's all fucking backwards and shit...

i'm on the verge of drunk right now, so bear with me.

i'm actually using my pc, not because anything's wrong with my mac, but because the stupid college website isn't set up for mac users. go figure. anyway...i keep going to the top left corner to close windows and stuff, but it's all on the top right side instead. very confusing.

it's kind of funny how things can change so much in a few years, but change so little also. i found shit that i wrote back in 2004 and i was complaining about the same shit i complain about today. money, work, school, life. kind of more sad than funny really. ah well...what's one to do.

i could write some full of myself bullshit post about how life gets better and you just have to find what works for you and run with it, but really i don't think shit ever changes. that's ok. because eventually it all ends anyway, and none of it will really matter. a bit morose, i know.

i think i just depressed myself. fuck. that kind of sucks. i swear i have something to do tomorrow...can't remember what though. i was supposed to do lunch monday with someone...that got cancelled. it's cool. i don't think i've spent more than an hour or two with anyone outside of the apartment in a few weeks. at least two if not three. kind of getting used to the lonely existence again. i think it suits me best. if nothing else it at least makes things easier.

i speak out loud and no one hears me anyway.

=e

crap like this really sucks...

this won't mean much to anyone, but alas, i don't really have much else on my mind, so this is what i'm going to talk about.

today, wwe wrestler, chris benoit was found dead in his home in atlanta, ga. along with his wife nancy and son, who's name escapes me at the moment. at first this was extremely sad news to me. i turned on the t.v. to watch a special three hour edition of monday night raw in which they were going to continue the 'mr. mcmahon death' storyline, only to find that a beloved and extremely talented wrestler had passed away in real life. wwe did something they never do...they cancelled the live show (which was airing from chorpus christy, tx) and instead aired a three hour tribute to chris benoit. at that time they had no information on the cause of death for the deceased benoit's, and everyone on raw spoke of their fondest memories of benoit and his career and family.

then came the secondary reports.

it's now being ruled that the deaths were a double-murder suicide. police believe, at this time, that chris killed his wife saturday, his son sunday, and himself earlier today (monday).

after reading that, everything changed.

suddenly i felt sick and disgusted. how could someone do that? how could he do that? i can't even fathom the mindset one would have to be in, in order to do something as horrific and gruesome as killing a significant other, and more importantly, a child. i have to say that i don't like speaking poorly of the deceased, but that is pathetic. i am sad that he is gone because he was an amazing wrestler and entertainer, however that is just absolutely pathetic and it disgusts me.

i don't know. my opinion on the matter honestly doesn't matter. i get that. it just sucks...

anyway. i'm going to go have a drink now, and allow myself to chill for awhile. then i'm heading to bed methinks. later.

=e

guess what...

I don't care...
if you're republican or democrat; if youre straight, gay or bi; what school you go to, went to, or what team you support; what religion you are, what religion your kids are, or what religion you think i should be; if you think abortion is right or wrong; if you would rather be fishing, boating, or playing golf; if your other ride is a bike, a boat, or your mom; if you love your weiner; if your kid is on the honor roll or what extra-curricular activities they participate in (though i'm sure the pedophiles in your neighborhood will thank you); what car company you prefer and which you would rather have Calvin piss on; what your last name is and what religious idol you worship; if you support our troops, the war, or just some non-profit organization.
I just don't care.

the truth is that it really isn't important! you're all just too insecure in your beliefs that you think if maybe you let the world know what you think, through the annoying and gaudy usage of bumper and window stickers, that people will think these 'issues' are more important than they really are. you crave attention and acceptance, but are truly too scared to ask for it in healthy ways. you subscribe to the belief that the more people that think the way you do, that somehow justifies those beliefs and make them truer than they would be if you were left to believe them on your own.
you're the type of people that make labels okay, and make the most trivial things hot topics of debate, but not discussion. what you all fail to see is that we are all human. we are all people, and the only thing that seperates us from one another, is us. we choose to see each other differently because it gives us a sense of power and importance.
but really, who the fuck cares? is it really that important? does is really matter what i think, feel or believe? especially since you will never take the time to get to know the real me anyway?

and with all of that said, i will leave you with the one thought i wouldn't mind seeing slapped on every car i follow:
Have A Nice Day.

=e

yours truely...

so it's 1a.m. now and i'm sitting in my recliner in my room under my loft bed, listening to great classical music, and waiting on a painting to dry so i can paint more, with booger curled up on some laundry that's on the floor beside me. all in all i would have to say this is how i wish every single moment of life could be. relaxing, calm, thoughtful, creative...above all, inspiring.
it's raining outside, and my rocker recliner sits right next to the window in my room so as i sit here i can hear the soft sounds of the rain between the crescendos of the background music. truely a soundtrack composed for this moment.

this moment can never be again. it has it's time now, and can never be recreated. a sad thought amongst the calm.

awhile back i decided to be reclusive yet again. people and life can be too much for me at times, and the only way i know to deal with it is, in fact, to not deal with any of it at all. i sequester myself, rarely venturing out into the world, and doing so only on an absolute need-to basis. i not only wall myself up by use of my surroundings, but i turn inward as well, walling up myself from the inside, out. i stop talking to most everyone, and on occasion start talking to random people that would otherwise just be a long lost part of my past, or that i would not think twice about.

i would love to go so far as to say that at these times, such as now, i have found inner-peace. however, i cannot say such and have it be true. no, the truth is, these moments in my life are usually filled with much self -evaluation, -critisism, and -ponderment. each time i find a few more pieces to the puzzle, but always feel as though it was never enough. i find myself struggling to complete a puzzle started 24 years ago, with missing key pieces and no picture to reference. not only that, it's as though the puzzle is flipped over, so i don't even truely have any idea as to what it looks like at all. what could it be? what will it look like when it's done? will it ever be finished? is there time enough to finish it?

my biggest fear is time. time is not our friend, yet we treat it as though it will always be there for us, like it's something we can trust. but you can't trust it.

there are a couple songs that have stuck with me recently. one is 'sparks' by coldplay. a song off their first album, it is a song filled with lyrics that i have felt on a few occassions. for the most part, they still apply. i suppose if they didn't, the song wouldn't be on my mind lately. the other is a song by blue october called 'what if we could'. the line that kills me from this song is, 'i'm glad to say that we've met, but i'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't on our side.' the person this line, and entire song, applies most to doesn't even like blue october, and yet the lyrics in this song are so fitting for how i feel about us. technically both songs express my emotions about that particular relationship.

it's 1:32, and i should probably be heading to bed. all of this thinking has made my head hurt. night all. sleep well, for tomorrow is a new day that will only exist once.

=e

i am the frito bandito...

this week has basically been me doing a whole hell of a lot of nothing. i think i'm okay with that :)
i did go process some film up at the lab the other day, and will be going back up there today to get two more rolls done. i also have been going through old rolls of color and getting them processed. that's always fun because i can't remember what's on any of them, so it's a fun surprise every time i get a couple done. i think i may take a couple and drop them off on my way to the school today too.
i went to sushi last night with someone i've just recently been talking to. it was fun and, of course, the food was great. we ended up staying out a hell of a lot later than i had planned on, so when i got home i completely crashed. then this morning i just could not be bothered with actually waking up. it's just been one of those slow, drowsy days where i'm not really feeling all that great, but i can't tell if it's just from weird sleep lately, or if i'm coming down with something. i've been out of claritin-d the past couple of days, and with all the crap in the air that's not a good thing.
i did actually have other stuff to talk about, but i should probably get going if i'm going to process film today. tomorrow i won't have time since i'll be cleaning all day because we have people coming over friday night. so off i go. later!

=e

obligatory father's day post...

so today is father's day. i didn't even realize it til plans for tonight got cancelled because of it. it's not really something i consider a 'holiday', and thus, not something i put any thought into.
however, today i'm acknowledging the day in celebration of all the fathers out there that are not a complete waste of space, and actually try to fulfill their role in the lives of their children.

i get so infuriated with people around me who bitch about their dads. most, if not all, of my friends have fathers in their lives that are good people, and that are involved in the family dynamic. yes, they may screw up from time to time, and no they are not perfect, but these guys are at least trying, and they deserve to be appreciated.

the man responsible for having brought me into this world is not someone that i consider 'dad'. he is, unfortunately, my father, but by genetics alone. he was an abusive father and husband, a drunk, and a cold, emotionally unavailable heartless human being. i say was, but the truth is he could still be as he is still alive, i just haven't spoken a word to him in over two years...actualy closer to three. it's not that i have not made an attempt at speaking with him. i did in the beginning, but after all efforts were continuously ignored i finally just gave up. my mother and sister speak to him on occasion, but it is rare. he lives with his 'friend', who happens to be female, though he is still married to my mother, and lives probably no more than half an hour from me.
but it can't be all bad. he did help mold me into the person i am today. an overly-competitive, aggressive, critical girl with a tendancy for addictions and a raging short temper that few dare to test. he's also had a hand in my wonderfully low self-esteem by teaching me that all i am at my core, and all i have become to be is inherently wrong. go figure.

so, because those around me don't see the good fathers they have, i say happy fathers day for them. you're good men, and i appreciate who you are, and all of your efforts. happy fathers day.

=e

if time flies, where can i buy a ticket to ride...

yesterday was freaking amazing.
it started off kind of slow because i didn't really hit the ground running like i had planned on, but i think that's probably best really. it was a nice relaxing morning followed by an afternoon full of activity and creativity, followed by a relaxing evening.
i went out and shot some pictures yesterday. mainly the point was to make sure my camera was actually fixed (which it seems to be), but it turned into me driving around listening to music, enjoying the day, and trespassing in order to get the shot i wanted. :) all in all it was a lot of fun.
after that i came home and started working on a new painting. i finally used this large canvas that i've had sitting in my room for awhile, but wasn't sure what to do with. the painting turned out really cool, and ended up being finished before i planned on being done with it. i love it when that happens. so now i have to go to michael's and get another canvas, even though i have five or six small ones stored under my desk.
anyway...not to cut this short, but i've got errands to run so i should head out. i have a busy weekend coming up, so it's better i start getting stuff done now. have a great weekend all. later!

=e

daaaaamn skippy motivator...

Your Score: Ireland

You scored 81 Leader factor!

You are suitable to lead: Ireland

Link: The Which Nation Should You Lead Test

easy to grow - here's how...

the past few days have been absolutely unproductive. i did finally leave the house today, for the first time all week, and took over $100 of change to the bank to be deposited, along with some cash from a friend paying me back. thanks again!

i got my camera fixed last week, but have yet to find the motivation to actually use it. i'm thinking about going out tomorrow and shooting for a bit. a new friend has me feeling creative, or at least motivated to not be so lazy. then, tomorrow night i'm supposed to go have dinner with a friend whom i have not seen in probably over two months. hopefully that's still on, but i haven't talked to her since the weekend, so who knows.

i didn't realize that the guy on 'the dead zone' is the guy from 'weird science' and 'sixteen candles'. that's freaky. he doesn't look like such a dork anymore, and is kinda handsome actually. huh, go figure.

had pho (vietnamese soup) for dinner, and it was fantastic. i went to world market today and finally bought the spoon things that you use at the restaurant since i really only like to eat it at home. i also bought two bottles of wine, one of which is now gone. it was good too. :)

i love the show 'cheaters'. i swear one day i'm going to see someone on there that i know, though it hasn't happened yet. even so, the show is hilarious, in that "people can be such dumbasses" kind of way. it's mostly filmed in dallas, which i know makes me feel great that i'm surrounded by these first class citizens. the one that's on right now is about this pregnant chick and her ass of a boyfriend, and this chick is having to give herself an insulin shot in the van on the way over to the confrontation! messed up man. messed up.

anyway, it's kind of late, and if i'm going to get anything done tomorrow i should take a soma and head to bed now. the kitties are already conked out. anyway. later!

=e

new skin hurts...

i'm on benadryl so this may make no sense what so ever.
went to the batting cages today, and i have some blisters that are pretty bad. i put new-skin on them and oh my gosh it burned like insanity.
last night macaroni went a bit balistic and scratched the crap out of my arm. she got my lip too cause it's all swollen today and hurts. thus the benadryl.
uh...yeah. i think it's bed time.
ok...night.

plastic caddy...

it's nearly 2 a.m. (will be after by the time i get done writing this) and i'm still up. luckily i have the power of darvocet on my side, so all is good and happy in the world. well, ok, maybe not good and happy, but i'm loopy so it doesn't really matter.

i'm waiting on a painting i'm working on to dry so i can work on it some more. that's the problem with some of my stuff. it becomes this complicated painstaking process where i can only do a bit at a time. this just means that the thing drags on and on, and eventually i will probably lose interest in it or change it completely to finish it in one day. -shrug- i like where it's going currently, i just don't know that i have the patience to stick with it. as rob pointed out the other day, i am the most impatient person in the world. not that i didn't already know that, i just thought it funny that he felt the need to tell me...again. like telling someone that they are impatient is really going to change that. really? or do people just need feel the need to point out the obvious or already known every now and then? i don't know. i'm guilty of it too, i just think it's funny when anyone does it because it honestly makes no sense. regardless...

so i got to thinking about this in my humanities class on the last day when we were playing board games. all photography can be classified as 'documentary' or 'journalistic' photography. yes, even ansel adams crap, and set up stuff. i say this because there was a question in one of the games that had something to do with what art form pushed surrealism and something else and the choices were: film, poetry, sculpture, and photography. my first instinct was immediately film because for so long, and even today photography has struggled to be seen as a true art form. organizations such as the f64 group still believe that photography is solely documentary and should only be seen as such.
ok, so that seems pretty extreme, i know, and i felt the same way until that question came up and i really got to thinking about it. (by the way, the answer was both film and photography, but mainly film...it was a bad question really). after thinking about it for awhile i started to really agree with that. if you think about it, every picture documents something. whether it be a place, a moment in time, an idea, an emotion, or an event, something is being recorded and documented with every release of the shutter. so truly, all photography really is documentary photography.
does that mean that photography isn't also art? who knows. i think anything can be art if it's made to be such. art for art's sake is still art regardless. so yeah, photography can be both documentary/journalistic and still be art. it's all in the eye of the beholder. my only problem with that is when someone will go to a museum and say, 'oh, that's not art,' just because they don't understand it or just don't like it. just because you do not like or agree or understand something does not make it any less art. it just makes it 'bad art' to *you*. but calling something 'not art' just because you don't like is very degrading to the artist. think about it...what if someone told you that whatever you do for a living wasn't what it was supposed to be? that it wasn't good enough to qualify as a product of your efforts simply because that one person didn't like it. or even worse, didn't get it and made no attempt to even try and get it. yeah...not very cool.

ok, so now that i'm done ranting, i think my painting is dry, so i'm giong to put another coat on it and then probably head to bed. well, after checking my email and turning my phone off so i stop texting and getting texts!
night all. or maybe mornin'!

=e

so if you've a date in constantinople, she'll be waiting in istanbul...

i honestly don't know how this could have slipped my mind this morning, but somehow or another it did. i bought the most awesome and comfortable sandals at wal-mart last night. i know, i know, wal-mart...but whatever. the sandals are fucking awesome, and that's all that matters. they are earth spirit (www.earthspirit.us) sandals and they're blue. did i mention that they're comfortable?

anyway...both kitties are completely knocked out right now, my phone hasn't rung all day (which i'm not complaining about) and i got some stuff taken care of like varnishing paintings and doing some laundry. w00t. on top of all that, i don't have to worry about dinner tonight either because rob's brining food home which is one less thing i need to worry about. yea!

there is a wasp outside of my balcony door that's been buzzing about all day. luckily i didn't see it when i was out there spraying down my paintings. i'm not a huge fan of flying stingy bugs.

tonight is the premiere of 'america has talent' and i am quite excited. if you haven't seen the show, what rock were you living under last summer? this show, at least until the last couple episodes, is freaking hilarious! on top of that, kathy griffin's 'my life on the d-list' also comes on tonight and starts its new season. i am quite happy about this if you couldn't tell.

ok...on a totally different topic, but still made me laugh...macaroni is sleeping so hard right now that she's snoring!
here's a pic:



alrighty, that's all for now...later!

now look here motivator...

ah...you gotta love 'r' rated movies on t.v. and how they choose to edit the naughty words. it can almost make a really bad movie like 'resident evil 2' entertaining. almost...

anyway, moving on.

i have been so productive lately, and in such a good mood. i think i really needed this time off from work and school to get things in my life re-situated and to just generally take a break. sometimes we all need a break, and i don't just mean from work or school, or whatever our day to day lives entail. i mean, there are times when we really need a *real* break. a break from life. from the things, the people, the places and everything else that brings us down and adds to the load of living in general. for me, it's not something that i realize happens until i get a break from it all, and have the time and peace of mind to push back and look at things from a wider perspective. i have the ability to tell people no, and to not committ to something out of guilt or stress. i have the time to work on the projects that i *want* to work on and don't *have* to work on. and on the flip side, if i don't work on them there are no consequences or negative backlash to fear.

on a side note, and before i get negative backlash for this post (which is ridiculous that i might, but nevertheless), i am not saying that friends or family are bad for us, or me, or whomever. however, i do stand by the statement that the people in one's life can bring them down after a period of time, whether they mean to or not. there are times when the best of intentions have the worst impacts or results. people can become so blinded by their love or compassion for a person that they don't take the time to think about how something they think they are doing to help will effect the person in the end. evolution is a natural part of life, and we as humans must continue to evolve to survive, and sometimes this means by evolving the people around us as well. if we kept the same people close to us without ever having any sort of variety or change, we would stop growing and evolving because our enviroment will have become stagnate. that is not to say that we must dump people from our lives after a period of time, however it is to say that we must be aware of when we have reached a point of stagnation, and then do something about it.
people change...people *need* to change, and those around us need to allow for that change in ourselves and in others. and yes, because of such, relationships change as well, and that is something that we all need to accept. if you try to hold on to the past, or to what a relationship *used to be* you will never be able to move past it. and trust me, you need to move past it. you cannot go on holding others to your expectations of a role that they used to hold in your life. move on...let it go...because damn, it's just not worth it. if you can't do it for them, do it for yourself, (or vise versa), because if you don't, you are wasting life, time and energy that could be used towards something more productive and positive.
now i know it probably sounds like i'm just preaching, but after holding on to a past relationship for a hell of a lot longer than i should have, i speak from experience. the fact that i love someone will never change, but i am not going to allow myself to not move on because of that love, or to hold that person to a role they once held. time changes everything and everyone, and usually for the better.

this probably didn't help the fact that it will piss some people off, but i don't think that i really care. feel free to voice your opposing opinions all you want, but know that you will be jacking your jaw to a deaf ear. not that i'm trying to be shitty, not in the least bit. everyone is entitled to their opinion, and i'm sure you all have your own, which i'm glad you do, but i just don't want to hear it. this is mine opinion, and since it's my blog, i have the right to voice my opinion, just as you have the right to not read it.

with all of that being said, i am off to continue being productive for the day and getting things taken care of. later motivator!

=e

creamy center of happiness and joy...

so it's nearly 2a.m. and i'm still up. why? because i can be dammit! HA!

i did absolutely nothing today, and it felt fucking fantastic. ok, well i did work on a painting, and clean up the kitchen a bit, but that's really about it. oh, and played mario party 8 for wii with rob which he bought today. it's pretty sweet, but the computer characters still cheat like the bitches they are. oh well, so is life...or something.

got an interesting text today from a certain someone asking if i was eating sushi...odd. unfortunately i wasn't at the time. however, tomorrow night it's on! well, technically i guess that's tonight. but i can't really subscribe to that because i haven't been asleep yet, and it can't be today because i'm still running on yesterday since i haven't slept, so today is still tomorrow.
yeah, have fun figuring that one out.

the weather was bloody crazy this morning, and woke me up way too damn early in my opinion. meh...what chya gonna do.

on a completely odd and probably undeserving side note - happy belated birthday to my ex-fiance. he turned 25 a few days ago, and i always send shout outs to people even if i don't talk to them anymore.

moving on...i should probably head to bed so i can actually accomplish a few things tomorrow before i stuff my gut with raw fish goodness. nighty night all!

=e

a big sigh of relief...

man i'm glad that that's over.

today was the last day of maymester, and while it was a ton of fun, i have to say that i am so relieved by the fact that i do not have to go tomorrow, or for the next few weeks for that matter. yea!

anyway. we played our group games today, and it was the class concensus that my group's game was the coolest and best. go us! i should pass the class with an A, which will be good for my gpa and my morale. whew.

while i have the next few weeks off from school and work, they will probably still be busy. i have a lot of miscellaneous things that i've been putting off because of my hectic schedule, so now is the time for them to be tended to. however, i think the rest of this week will be filled with movie nights, sushi dinners, working on a couple of paintings, and lots of guitar hero II. i think i deserve that much.

and with that, i am off to watch bad t.v. and enjoy the rain. later!

=e

japanese clark kent has conquered the rolling log...

i'm sure he has. too bad he fell on the jump and hang.

went and saw 'hot fuzz' tonite. it was fucking sweet! definitely a recommended movie on my part. go see it!
in other news, i'm freaking tired, and it's after 1a.m., so i'm going to bed. night motherf*ckers :D

=e

wiped...

it's 2a.m. and i just got done doing shit for a damn group project in my maymester humanities class. it's due tomorrow, otherwise i wouldn't be up still. luckily this chick in my group, that i'm quickly starting to consider a friend, has been up with me and we've been texting back and forth over cell phones to keep each other awake.
anyway, i think i'm going to have a drink and head to bed as soon as i make sure everything's been done that needed to be done. later!

=e

almost always? or always?...

today is a wonderful day. why? because i got out of having to drive to the museum for my class today which means i finally have a day off. w00t! i'll have to go to a museum on my own time this weekend, but it means that i miss traffic, take as much time as i want, and can take someone with me. i like those terms much better.

my class, however, is actually not as bad as i make it out to be. yes, it is a hell of a lot of work, and it's kept me insanely busy, (and will continue to do so for another week), and yes, we do almost everything in groups, which drives me nuts being the general anti-social high anxiety person i am. however, i really feel that i'm getting something out of it. all of our assignments, minus classwork, and tests are online, which means that i do them on my own terms, and in turn, actually learn something. as for the groupwork, while i absolutely detest it, is actually bringing me out of my shell a bit and forcing me to be social which is a good thing.

as for the title of this post: to my friend who thinks i am 'almost always right', i'm glad i could help, and you know i'll always be there for you, even when i can't help. :)
however, as to have something to talk about, i do have to stand by my motto that i am *always* right. i say this because, well, it's true. i take great precautions in making sure that i do not speak of things i know nothing of, and if i am speaking on something that i am not sure of, i will always state, "now i could be wrong." thus, i can never be truly wrong, because if i'm wrong, then i was right in saying that i could be. :) but seriously, when it comes to people, you can bank on me being right. i've always had this natural knack for reading people, and figuring them out. i've always said that i can tell if i'm going to like a person within the first five minutes of meeting them. in all reality, it's more like the first thirty seconds, but i do try to give people at least a full five to make an impression on me. even as anti-social as i am these days. i have really great instincts and gut feelings about situations and people, and i have never known them to be wrong.

daytime t.v. is absolutely horrible, btw. and i don't just mean the shows. commercials seem to be so much worse during the day too. i don't understand. luckily jeopardy is on right now, but after that there's little hope that anything worthwhile will be on.

i don't really have much else to talk about sadly. i am currently out of rants, mainly because i just haven't had the time to write any, but perhaps i will get around to writing some today, and then there will actually be something entertaining to read next time i post. i'll warn now that it will probably be about religion because i've been thinking a lot about that topic since taking this humanities class and really reading about ancient civilizations, myths, beliefs and religions. just a heads up that the next rant could possibly hit a nerve for some.
anyways. later!

=e