a post having absolutely nothing to do with thanksgiving...

ahwile back, a little over a week ago, someone called me 'judgmental'. well, i guess a few people have called me that, however, i'm just now hearing about it through the grape-vine...and then the grape-vine itself called me judgmental as well. now, i've always considered myself a fairly open-minded, and, well, non-judgmental person, so i was a bit perplexed by such statements.
amazed by this accusation, i came home to my boyfriend of three years and asked him whether or not he viewed me as a judgmental person. his answer? 'not really.' when asked for further explanation he elaborated that he doesn't see me as judgmental really, but more that i'm a very intuitive person that's rarely wrong, and that knows what she will and will not put up with in people. personally, i couldn't agree with this more.
i've always had a very concrete set of core values, and while i am very well aware of the fact that i cannot expect others to fully subscribe to, nor conform their lives to those same set of core values, i do have a tendancy to not put up with too much that falls outside of what i believe to be acceptable.
for example: one of my strongest values is that, for me, drugs are wrong. i have never used drugs (ever), i never will use drugs, and i do not put up with people that use drugs. however, among those that i call friends are some people that have used drugs to various extents. do i think any less of these people? no. do i think that i am better than they for having not done something i believe is wrong? absolutely not. we're just different people that chose different paths. we've each had different experiences that make us who we are, and just because that's part of their experience does not mean that i am going to love them any less. however, if someone that's currently a part of my life gets involved with drugs to an extent that disrupts their lives, i will attempt to get them help once or twice, and if that doesn't work then i wash my hands of them completely, allowing them to continue leading their own lives and making their own decisions whatever they may be. it's not that i all of a sudden think they are a bad person, i just don't want that in my own life.
so why is it then that i was called judgmental? it pretty much stays in theme with the drug issue. because i refuse to accept certain people into my life because of the choices they make and the behavior they display, i have been labelled as a 'narrow-minded, judgmental bitch'. seems to me i'm not the one being judgmental in that statement, but that's just getting into semantics.
so i looked up the definition of the word judgmental, and if you go to www.m-w.com you will find that it states:

Main Entry: judg·men·tal
Pronunciation: "j&j-'men-t&l
Function: adjective
1 : of, relating to, or involving judgment
2 : characterized by a tendency to judge harshly

to judge harshly? i honestly don't believe i fall into that category. i will say that i do know what i like and what i don't like, and i do know what i will put up with and what i won't put up with. so if that is 'to judge harshly' then so be it, but i don't believe it is really. i never said anyone was wrong or going to hell, i only ever said it was wrong for me and that i didn't want it in my life. i personally prefer the term 'intuitively selective', but that's just me. i don't know, maybe this whole post confirms that i am a judgmental person. i hope it doesn't, but i guess it very well could. it's up for interpretation i suppose, however, when it comes down to it, if you are going to call me judgmental, at least have the balls to say it to my face.

the phone only rings when you're not there to answer it...

hey look, an actual blog post! w00t!
yeah, i'm lame...so what.

well, since the last post here's what's been going on:

rob and i had our 3 year anniversary...how did we celebrate you ask? we moved. so now we're at the new place with boxes piled everywhere. there's still some stuff at the old place, but hopefully that'll get moved this week.
what else...hm...oh, i'm sick. sunday i lost my voice completely and have continued feeling like shit. we went to the store late friday night and bought $20 worth of medicine and stuff, but i can't say that any of it has helped at all. i need to go get some zicam, or so says everyone around me. maybe i'll go do that today.
that's about it really. i know, pretty boring for a week of no posts, but what can ya expect? i work and go to school, that's it really.

i do have rant, however, that i feel the need to share...
i know what you're thinking, "when do you *not* have a rant?" i know i know, but humor me...

i do not understand people having blogs and/or myspace pages, yet posting things on private where people cannot read them. what's the point? if you don't want anyone to read it, write it somewhere where it's not going to show up for the world to see in the first place! otherwise it kind of defeats the purpose of having the blog! i dunno. i'm annoyed with people and their myspace behaviors. then again, myspace annoys me anyway, so what should i expect.

ok, rant done...for now. i'm at work the day before the school closes for thanksgiving break, and i'm bored out of my mind. there are three people signed in and they're in three different places. one's in the studio, one in the digital lab, and one in here processing film. yeah...boring. i had a really good conversation with the new guy this morning. he's from israel and has a lot of interesting stories, so we talked for about an hour and a half. then a student showed up and he had to go, so now i'm back to being bored. anyway, i guess i'm going to go do something somewhat productive. i'm supposed to be cleaning the alt. lab, so after a restroom break i may look into that. everyone have a safe holiday and i'll see ya!

=e

i cranked it up to nine just to see how high it was...

so tomorrow we sign the lease and get the keys to the new place. yay!
btw...packing sucks.

not a lot else going on.

caramel apple cider from starbucks is fucking orgasmic. yeah, you heard me.

i have nothing to do other than packing since i just got done packing up the rest of my art supplies. i am sad. not really, just lazy and hate packing.

i'm freaking exhausted. rob is too. he just came in here all sad puppy like and said, "i need to be done with this" meaning packing. i can't blame him. i do too.
in fact, i think i am. later.

=e

a doucebag and a turd sandwich...

haha, we still have the same governor! that's awesome.
sorry. i'm not republican or anything. in fact, i'm not anything really. i just think it's hilarious that all i've heard all week is how pissed off people are that perry is still the gov. i just want to smack people and say, "what the fuck did you expect??? it's texas!!!"
i mean really people, come on. we're a red state. there is no denying nor changing that. and i get that the man didn't even get majority vote, but it's not like the rest of you all got on the same page or anything.
and i love, i mean i *love* the fact that kinky came in dead last. i mean, for real, even the grandma who most people hadn't heard about beat him out!!! *that* makes me smile :D

it's not like i'm for one more than the other or anything really. i don't vote. most people say to me, 'then you don't have a right to complain when the shit hits the fan' and i couldn't agree more. however, the shit will hit the fan regardless of who's in office. i'm just not going to be held responsible for putting whatever doucebag there. plus, i like to stay as uneducated as possible on politics and the horrible state of our country/world. ignorance is bliss.

ok, so that's all i got really. i'm currently varnishing some paintings so that they don't get screwed up in the move, which is next week! yay! i finally started throwing stuff into piles today for packing purposes. hopefully it will all get done. we'll see.
oh, i found a new artist i really like. his name is sean scully. check him out!! he's a lot like rothko, which would explain why i like him.
alrighty, back to varnishing. later!

=e

everything in moderation...

thus far, this has been the week from hell. a true test of my patience and sanity, which were waning at the beginning of the week already.
without getting too much into it here, the brief overview is: everything kind of exploded on monday, all at once, in a matter of an hour, and then continued to deteriorate the rest of the week. like nuclear fall out. or the terminator...it will not stop until you are dead!
it's 2:30 in the morning and i've been up painting for awhile now. it's all crap. every laast bit of it, but i still continue to do it. it's the only thing i really do.
wow, this post went downhill really quick didn't it. huh. i should watch that more closely in the future.
on a more positive note (sort of), i saw my ex on monday, and all i have to say is...wow. if i ever need to feel better about myself and my life that should do it. he happened to be at a lecture/ gallery reception that the photography chair that i work with was giving over at another local college and had invited me to. poor guy, i almost feel badly for him, but then i just chalk it up to karma because it was bound to happen sooner or later. someone asked me the other day if i hate him. you would think i would. i have every single right to hate him for the things he did to me, the things he put me through, and the way he treated me. however, i could never hate him. he is one screwed up individual, that's for damn sure, but i spent two years with him, and i would like to think, at least, that i stayed because there was something good there. and there are times that i can remember being very happy that i was sharing my life with him. unfortunately, those times are extremely fogged over by the rest of the times that were not so grand, and that's why i have no regrets for no longer being with him. i have moved on and found an amazing guy that cares deeply about me and treats me with so much respect and love that i thank him every day for being a part of my life. i was really lucky to find such an awesome person after finding so many that weren't, and i in no way take that for granted.
okie doke. soap box is put away now. i should probably think about heading to bed. i need to get up and call the dentist early tomorrow and maybe think about packing up some stuff. we move next week! yay!
alrighty. nite!

=e

...

game over...

something for the moment...

there is not much going on in life these days. i'm currently up at work, bored out of my skull, waiting for the new guy to get here, and trying to find some form of entertainment in the meantime.
i have been reading a book that was referred to me by a friend/professor. it's titled, 'art and fear'. it's a really great book about how artists who ever really do anything get there by confronting their fears and accepting the fact that they will never be the 'perfect' artist, etc etc etc... i'm really enjoying it actually. it all kinda came about because i had brought some paintings up to work to show to a couple of people that had been harassing me about them for awhile. so after that, the one friend who recommended the book emailed me saying i should take some different art classes, etc. i responded explaining that i had entertained the idea for a brief moment, but that my fear of putting too much out there and people seeing what's really there has kept me from really pursuing it. her being my photography prof. was well aware of this holding me back and thus recommended the book.
long story with not much pay off, i know.
anyway, the book, and the conversation with my friends and what not, has really left me kind of confused and turned around as of late. all i've been doing with my free-time for the past couple months or so is paint. i haven't payed much attention to school, work, or friends. i haven't worked on any of my photography projects that i truly care about. i don't know. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that i didn't take a photography class this semester and it's really thrown me off balance. i need that creative output, and the push of assignments that make me spend time being creative in order to balance out everything else i have to do in the semester. when i'm left to my own devices, very little, or nothing at all gets done, and i'm left with a gpa falling nearly as quickly as my mood and motivation. ok, so no necessarily true, but almost. i guess i've been trying to compensate for that lack of creative push by spending all my free time painting in order to get that out of me, however it really hasn't been enough. i'm not really sure where i was going with all of this. perhaps that painting, photography, writing, art in general, it's all a great outlet, but not a great solution.
anyway. in about an hour that same friend and i are going to play racquetball which i am thouroughly looking forward to, tho my knees are not. however, they'll get over it. other than that, not much else is going on really. i'm loving the colder weather as it does bring some uplifting whatever into my otherwise non-uplifting life.
hope all is well in the world with everyone else. more later i'm sure.

=e

a great song by 'portastatic'

'through with people'

I guess I'm through with people
I can just take less and less
Point your fingers, make a steeple
I'll be your hymnal in your church of lonliness
The transition was so easy, no announcements or asking
My silence was golden
My silence was free
And all this talking is taxing me

So let the sun set on this paper shade
Let me get some sleep in this bed
That I made it this far
Well I made it this far
And I'll give all the lousy credit
To anyone who wants it
If they'd just let me lower the bar

I guess I'm through with people
I say let's call it a wash
Clean like a pickup on Friday
Stubborn like a pile of rocks

I don't have to care I couldn't like you less
And I don't have to care about that thin cotton dress
I could put my drink down and walk away
It's a simple solution
To a complicated maze
I just remembered that I'm through with people today

I'm through with people

fleischfarben...

it's late, and i'm exhausted...don't expect this to mean much or make very much sense.

happy halloween fuckers.
i spent mine hanging with friends, good food, weird music, and doing too much driving for my particular tastes. however, it was still pretty cool.
i never knew there was such a thing as too much black light, but trust me, there is.

aside from that, i am still just really run down this week. i dont know what's going on, but it's like i can't sleep enough. i came home last nite and went to sleep at 8p.m. then woke up at 11:00p.m. and went back to sleep at 1a.m. til i got up at 9:30a.m. i dunno. just absolutely worn out.
luckily we didn't have to play in racquetball today since we had mid-term review. yes, we have a mid-term in that class. we also have to write a paper. like...actually write a paper. i think it's pretty funny. other than that, i haven't been to a single class this week. guess i'll have to remedy that tomorrow though. bio lecture is just so damn boring though, and bcis makes me flat out angry. just thinkin about that class gets me riled up.

ok, well i'm literally drooling on myself i'm so tired, so i think i'm going to head to bed now. hope everyone's having a good week. catch ya later.

-e