sorry doesn't fix it, and i'm tired of hearing it...

so i've been fairly frustrated with life lately. between being sick and not knowing what's wrong with me, having people in my life who don't seem capable of being able to make good decisions and choices in their own lives, and school and work being just whatever...well, yeah...frustrating.
i got told today that a friend doesn't want me to feel like i have to babysit her. my response was that someone needs to since she's not making great choices for herself. however, now that i'm thinking about it, i agree. i'm not going to babysit her. fuck it. i'm not going to give my opinions nor advice anymore, and on the other side of it i'm not giving my sympathy for the shit that happens to her. so i'm done with that. my life is too stressful in it's own regard to have to worry about others. that's why i stopped having friends in the first place.
i mean for freakin real people. i've been to the doctor four three times in the past three weeks. i've been on five different medications, as well as not being able to take my pain medication for my knees and hip problems because it interferes with everything else i'm taking. i've had two blood tests, a diabetes test, and two chest x-rays. next they want to do a full abdominal cat scan, which means a lot of money, and from there they possibly want to hospitalize me. goody.
so on top of all of that i'm supposed to worry about someone doing shit and getting hurt because of choices and decisions that they make and are completely responsible for? i'm really supposed to care even though it was something completely avoidable?
i just can't.
maybe that makes me a bad person, maybe i'm a bad friend or insensitive to whatever, but that's for everyone else to decide for themselves. i know i'm not a bad person nor a bad friend, however people will think as they want to, and i cannot, nor will not try to control that.
i really didn't mean for this to turn into such a rant, but it's been bugging me for awhile now, so i guess i just needed to get it out there. i won't apologize for my words, but i'll apologize for the time it took to read this crap.
anyway, have a good week to everyone. later.

-e