but i've got my philosophy, keeps my feet on the ground...

so i'm here at work on a beautiful saturday when i could be outside actually improving my life in non-monetary ways that would benefit me in so many other ways than $7 an hour will. epiphany? perhaps, but it always comes back to needing that damn dollar.
at least saturdays are quiet. i have no one bugging me continuously for shit they should be learning in class. i get so tempted sometimes to tell the little fuckers that when they want to start paying me a teachers salary, i'll start wanting to help them, but until then they can just fuck off. however, none of that today thank goodness. saturdays are usually filled with the dedicated students who know what the hell they're doing in a darkroom, and don't need someone there to hold their hand every step of the way. i respect those kids...well, i at least endure them.
anyway.
so i've been a real shit to some people lately, and without really giving them any reason whatsoever. why? oh, i'm sure i have my reasons. however, i really wasn't aware of what, exactly, those reasons were until just recently. does this mean i'm going to sit here and hash out my shit on a blog? or that i'm going to apologize for being a shit? or that i'm going to actually explain my reasons to those select few i've been a shit to?
in short...no.
does that make me an even bigger shit for admitting i now know why i've been a shit and yet will still not release that information?
probably.
do i care?
not at this point. but i will...maybe.
i've decided i have to talk to someone outside of the issues first. as i told someone last nite, that's why i pay someone to listen to me talk, so they can figure my shit out for me. it's not like i'm an idiot, i mean, i know what the problem is, and i know why i'm approaching it the way i am, and i know what i'm trying to accomplish in doing so. however, while it may take care of the problem from one end, it doesn't solve it altogether for me, and until i can explain it all to someone that i don't really care about, it will remain unresolved, and i will continue to go on being a shit. and no one wants that now do they? i didn't think so.
anyway, there are people in my lab so i must go.

e