i've had a bad week...

so...yeah, the title pretty much says it all. this past week was probably the most stressful i've had in a looong time.
the week ended in me literally having a nervous breakdown, and crying in front of people i barely even know on thursday. yeah. go me. friday i spent with des, but i was so emotionally drained i'm sure i wasn't much fun to be around, but i still had a good time.
at least summer semesters are done with. one less thing to stress over. now if i could just get everything else under control.
anyway. i'm a mess right now, and i'm just having to deal with it. so please excuse me for the next little bit. it'll pass i'm sure. always does.
i've been painting all day. not sure why. i suck, for real, but it's calming. i just sit in my room/office, listening to crappy music, with the door shut, and painting all day. booger comes in and annoys me from time to time, but mostly i just use the time to chill out and be alone. plus, it helps with getting stuff out when i don't have the words to say, the energy to say it, or the right person to say it to.
i'm tired, but i don't feel like sleeping. i'm in mood where i want to just go. pack a bag and leave. leave it all behind for the world to deal with and figure out for itself. but i can't, and i won't, and that sucks almost more than the want itself.
i thought i had this all under control. what happened? i don't deal well with stress and feelings, especially both together. it becomes too much, and it already has. too much.
i'm rambling now. i love you. maybe i don't. no, i just wish i didn't. that's it. yeah. you piss me off so freakin much, that i can't even comprehend why i care so much. why do i care? why should i care? it's not like you do. not anymore anyway. which, by the way, thanks for that. whatever...why do i even bother. argh.
i shouldn't even post this, but i will because i have nothing better to do with this dumb blog. it's all crap anyway.
later.