and you got a secret I can’t keep...

so i've really started to like the goo goo dolls more and more lately. the station i created on pandora plays a lot of their stuff and their lyrics are just really meaningful. not necessarily in any kind of deep way, but i like 'em. the title is from a song called 'think about me' by them. it was on when i started typing this, so there ya go.

anyway. today was the first day of classes, and it went pretty smoothly. books are going to cost me a small fortune, but i need to go sell my old ones first so that will help out a bit i suppose. i really like my psychology class, and my biology lecture class seems to be ok. my bcis (business computer information systems) class on the other hand is taught by a man that barely speaks english, and it's in a lecture room...with no computers...i was very confused.

i had to go speak with the dean of fine arts today as well regarding my job situation. i have to go back tomorrow after my raquetball class for another meeting. so i'll more of an update on that after that meeting.

so i got stuck on this painting i've been fucking with for the past week or so. i worked on it a bit a little bit ago before i got on here, but now i'm stuck again. i thought that maybe the rain would help out some, but there's just been too much shit going on i guess, and my drip drops of creativity have dried up for the time being i suppose.

anyway. i'm going to go i suppose. i'm actually being useful and doing laundry, so i should go check on that and stuff. later!

-e

lotus

Hey hey.Hey hey.I was hell.Sarcastic silver swell.That day it rainedTough spun. Hard won. NoOcean flower aquariumBadlands, give a hand.Honey dipt. Flim flamHey hey. Hey hey.That cat can walk like a big bad man.So happy to show usI ate the lotus.Say haven't you noticed?I ate the lotusStorefront window, I reflect.Just last week I was merely heckTip the scale. I was hellPicked me up, then I fell.Who's this stranger? Crowbar spine...(die die die) and I feel fine.Let it rain, rain, rainBring my happy back again.So happy to show usI ate the lotus.Say haven't you noticed?I ate the lotusI ate the lotusLet it rain, rain, rainSave me from myself againWash away my ugly sinsOpposing thumb, dorsal finThat monkey died for my grinBring my happy back againLet it rain, rain, rainBring my happy back again.So happy to show usI ate the lotus.Say haven't you noticed?I ate the lotusI ate the lotusI ate the lotusI ate the lotus.

preparing, processing...

updates huh? let's see...

life has been...well...not boring lately, that's for sure. too much stress. too much going on really.
tomorrow starts fall semester classes, and i went and bought a new backpack today. yay me! well, ok, really rob bought the backpack, but still. aside from that, i also got new glasses that i have to wait a week for, but i did finally find some that i like. they're nothing fancy, just better than what i have now.

work has been absolute crap, and i don't know that i still have a job there or not really. more importantly, i don't know that i *want* to still have a job there. i just hate to leave kelley and des by themselves...or more realistically, just kelley because i don't think des is going to stay, but i don't know.

as for this summer it's been different. i can't say i did anything too terribly exciting, because it was mostly filled with school and work. however, it is probably one that i will never forget, so i guess that says something.

anyway. i don't really have much else to update on. you go demanding updates and you forget that it's different...i'm boring! later!

-e

all in a days work...

so i have today and tomorrow off of work, which would normally be really awesome, however, here i sit, bored and blank.
i want to start a new painting, but i need to go to michael's to get an easel since i bought some pre-stretched 16x20 canvas that i have nowhere to paint on. i was supposed to go get my eyes checked and get new glasses today but they were closed for lunch when rob and i went to get it done, so now it'll be tomorrow before that gets done. everything gets put off til tomorrow, nothing ever gets taken care of when it's supposed to in my world.
i was telling rob earlier that i need a vacation. i need a week off from the world to just get away from everything and everyone. i would get too bored really, but it still sounds nice. won't happen though, since i work this week and school starts next week. so for the next four months i am a slave to the forces that are quad c. woo-freakin-hoo. then again, once school starts i get my cushy desk job back and i won't have to be cleaning, moving and inventorying shit in the lab anymore.
ok, well i guess i'm done. suhweet.

-e

when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am...

so this weekend has been...interesting, but good nonetheless.

unfortunately, tomorrow i have to go back to work, and that blows goats for quarters. i've also gotta go get new glasses this week because mine are just not cutting it anymore. having astigmatisms in both eyes is a real pain in the ass...or eye i suppose. so optical clinic is having a special for an eye exam and two pairs of glasses for $88 which is sweet, and i've been there before, so that's cool. i like the idea of having two different frames so i can get one in something fun like maybe a cool shade of red or something, and then get the other pair in something normal.

wow, that was rather boring wasn't it? yeeeeeeeeah.

so i've gotta go to my mom's house in greenville here in a little bit for dinner. i try to go one sunday a month just to spend some time with her. i'm dragging rob along though i don't really think he wants to go. meh, whatever.

i'm listening to 'Iris' by the goo goo dolls right now...i love this song. the lyrics just make a lot of sense to me.

alrighty, well, i guess i should stop writing before i start talking about the weather outside or the dallas cowboys or something as stereotypical. later!

-e

blatent advertisement...

so i've been meaning to post this for awhile now, and since i have nothing better to talk about, i'll post it now.
this is totally going to ruin my reputation (yeah right...what reputation?:) and make me sound so totally girly but:

i absolutely love dove products. it started with their deodarant...the cool moisture line. then i got their shampoo and conditioner because it doesn't contain something i'm allergic to. then i started getting their leave in conditioner, mousse, and gel. and just the other day i bought their face wash (also in the cool moisture line.)

now, i hate the dove commercials where they use "average" or "normal" looking women to sell their products, because really...who wants to look at some fatty in her underwear? oh wow, that sounded bad...but then again, it's true. alls i'm sayin is, i kinda enjoy the whole advertising scheme of, "if you buy our products you too can look like an exotic supermodel that everyone wants to fuck." yes? no? maybe it's just me...hmm....

anyway. i should totally get kickbacks for this post. just a thought.
later!

-e

a much better day...

yay. today was actually decent! finally!
i didn't get up til nearly 11:00a.m., and then i only got up in order to run up to the school and turn my timesheet in for work so i can get paid this month. then i came home, ate some lunch, and chilled on the computer for awhile.
i painted for a bit, and threw some laundry in, and then des came over to drop off a disc that she had burned for me. (thanks again honky! i so totally appreciate it!:)
she ended up hanging out for quite awhile, which was totally awesome even though i swear we didn't do much other than sit on the couch and make fun of each other. good times, good times.
then rob came home, and des left (completely unrelated to rob coming home...i think ;) and rob had been having a bad day, so he vented and we went and got food, where the stupid people at wendy's can't seem to read monitors and get my order right. but nonetheless, we got home with our food, sat down and watched monday nite RAW.
now i'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with my latest painting, and rob is downstairs playing a video game (shadow of the colossus or something to that extent) and waiting for me to come down and watch. it's sad that that sounds sexual isn't it. yeah.
alrighty, well i unfortunately have to work tomorrow, so i'm going to go do some more laundry so i actually have clothes to wear, and then i'm gonna chill the rest of the nite. that's all folks!

-e

on a more positive note...

wow...so yeah, sorry about that last post. goin through some shit if you couldn't tell.
anyway.
on the brighter side of life, i got an 'a' in speech class and a 'b' in government! w00t! i was very happy.
oh, and i finished a painting that i think i actually really like. so fuck y'all if you don't. i don't care :)

what else...oh, we bought season 3 of the: "lois and clark: adventures of superman" series, which rocks. we've done quite a bit this weekend amidst my frustrations and emotional crap.

and now for something funny:
i fell down the stairs earlier. it was quite comical looking i'm sure. and the yelp i let out even i had to laugh at. however, i managed to hyper-extend my left arm as i frantically grabbed at the railing. yeah, it hurts really bad, but all the same i can't help but laugh. i'll probably be in a sling the next few days because of it, which really make the whole thing that much funnier. plus, i told rob that it was going to sound real good me saying, "oh what this? oh, it's nothing. no really, i just fell down the stairs." he didn't find that as funny as i did, but ya know, to each his own.
alrighty, well before this turns all melodramatic again i'm gonna go. catch ya fuckers later.

-e

i've had a bad week...

so...yeah, the title pretty much says it all. this past week was probably the most stressful i've had in a looong time.
the week ended in me literally having a nervous breakdown, and crying in front of people i barely even know on thursday. yeah. go me. friday i spent with des, but i was so emotionally drained i'm sure i wasn't much fun to be around, but i still had a good time.
at least summer semesters are done with. one less thing to stress over. now if i could just get everything else under control.
anyway. i'm a mess right now, and i'm just having to deal with it. so please excuse me for the next little bit. it'll pass i'm sure. always does.
i've been painting all day. not sure why. i suck, for real, but it's calming. i just sit in my room/office, listening to crappy music, with the door shut, and painting all day. booger comes in and annoys me from time to time, but mostly i just use the time to chill out and be alone. plus, it helps with getting stuff out when i don't have the words to say, the energy to say it, or the right person to say it to.
i'm tired, but i don't feel like sleeping. i'm in mood where i want to just go. pack a bag and leave. leave it all behind for the world to deal with and figure out for itself. but i can't, and i won't, and that sucks almost more than the want itself.
i thought i had this all under control. what happened? i don't deal well with stress and feelings, especially both together. it becomes too much, and it already has. too much.
i'm rambling now. i love you. maybe i don't. no, i just wish i didn't. that's it. yeah. you piss me off so freakin much, that i can't even comprehend why i care so much. why do i care? why should i care? it's not like you do. not anymore anyway. which, by the way, thanks for that. whatever...why do i even bother. argh.
i shouldn't even post this, but i will because i have nothing better to do with this dumb blog. it's all crap anyway.
later.

an unusually apathetic and, what some might call "emo", post...

well here i am. not sure why. i got done typing up my speech outline for a speech i have to give tomorrow. it's about how to process black and white film. yeah. woo-freakin-hoo.
then i spent half an hour painting. why is it the stuff that i paint that i actually like, no one else seems to like, and the stuff that i don't necessarily think is that great is the stuff everyone else loves and goes crazy over? it's shit. oh well. it's not done yet, so maybe it'll get good by the time it is finished. -shrug-
i'm really...unsettled right now. have been for most of the nite. earlier in the evening i was fine, but then the shift happened, and here i sit. i didn't even notice the shift til a little while after it happened, and by then my good mood was too far gone to retrieve.

to you:
i need to talk to you. in person. and soon. i don't even know how often you stop by here to read this, but hopefully you'll see this. sorry about the message i left earlier, i don't want to get you in trouble, but i do need to talk to you about stuff, and i can't do it over the phone because that's not good enough. so i'll meet you somewhere, somehow, whenever you can, or i'll come pick you up, or whatever! but soon. please.

tomorrow is going to be stressful, and it's well after midnight, and i guess i should go to bed. i really shouldn't have had that doubleshot when i got home from work. later.

caffienated and confused...

so this week has been insane. i swear, i will be so much happier once summer II is over. there just aren't enough hours in the day for me to get everything i need to do, done, and everything i want to do, even started. i dunno. i'm rambling. anyway.
so i just got done watching a movie titled, "Imagine Me and You". uh, wow. yeah. i'm broken. all i can say is, watch it. hm...
in other parts of my life, absolutely nothing is going on. i started painting again. it's something i really enjoy, and even though i'm probably horrible to it, i like to think i'm ok. i do abstract, though, so it's easy to say, "oh, i meant for it to be like that," when it really probably is screwed up ;) ya know, kinda like digital photography... ooooooooooh, i'm gonna get my ass kicked for that one :D
i have to write a script for speech class, write a speech, study for a speech test, and study for government all before monday. yeah...that's not going to happen. here's what i predict will happen. i'll write the script and maybe start on the speech tomorrow, the studying won't get done until monday nite and i'll take the test at the last possible moment on tuesday, government i won't even think about again until wednesday, and thursday are finals. sounds good to me! yay for a stressful life! at least i'm not in denial.
well, i think i'm going to go grab my coke-black, set up my paints and start messin around again. ya know, since tomorrow is going to be chock full of homework and what not ;) oh, and i think des and i are supposed to hang out, though i'm not sure if that's still the plan or not. if you happen to read this, lemme know! otherwise i'll just give you a call tomorrow at some point. okie doke, i'm done. later!