going nowhere, going nowhere...

is it ok to do nothing? if everyone did nothing, where would we be? we wouldn't...that's just it.
rob and i were out earlier tonite when this lady approached my car as we were pulling out of our parking space to leave. rob told me to "just go" and so, as the lady got to my window and motioned for me to roll it down, i waved her on and then drove off.
i feel horrible.
there's no telling what the lady needed. i mean hell, i'm not denying the possibility that she wanted to rob us, or was asking for money "for gas because she's trying to get to her mom's house before she dies" when really she's just going to buy drugs. i *know* that those, and many more are very real possibilities. so why, then, do i always feel so guilty?
i hate seeing homeless people. it tears me up inside. why? because i care too damn much. now, i will say that i have *never* given a homeless person money, but god knows i've thought about it. and why? so they can just go buy drugs and get their next fix? i don't know. then i think that, well yeah, but hell, if drugs are all they have, and it gets them through the pain of their lives at least one more day/nite, then yeah, i can understand that. i mean, we all have our fixes, our vices, the things we turn to when we need an escape from life.
don't get me wrong. i do not, in any way, support the use of drugs, or the masses of homeless people in our country today. i went to therapy awhile back (no i don't still go), and when confessing my guilt of not helping those in need my therapist asked me, "ok, so where's your cynical nature that you have for life and society when it comes to this?" i didn't really have an answer.
i guess that i just understand what it's like to not have somewhere to call home. i moved out of my parents house when i was 17, and since then i've floated from friends house to friends house, lived out of my car for awhile, lived with my ex, and now i'm living with rob. out of all of those places, it's taken til now, til living with rob, to finally have somewhere that i feel i can truly call home.
i dunno. i know that i'll probably be crucified for even showing any compassion for a homeless or needy person by some of you, but whatever. you're not them, so you still get my cynical wrath. :)
later.